So I got out the bag of laundry detergent and put it on the counter, then carefully separated out all the laundry using the buttons sewn in there for that purpose and put it into the washing machine, set the program using the bump dots put there for that purpose, because I am an expert, I prepare for everything like a cub scout, and I know what I'm doing. Then I reached up onto the counter, picked up a bag of granulated sugar, and carefully added enough for a full load of non colourfast clothes on a medium temperature wash. I won't tell you how long it took me to realise what I'd done.

Now I have this need to tell the world what I've done so I can feel properly like an idiot. Please laugh at me in the replies below and I will keep scrubbing the crunchy parts out of my jeans.