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My Friend with Stage 4 Cancer is Most Likely Going to Completely Lose his Vision & Plans to Kill Himself if it Comes to it. Is There any Stories or Anything I can Try to Show Him he Could Still Have a Fulfilling Life & Convince him to Live? (self.Blind)
submitted by Visual_Snowxo
Hey guys. This is my first post and I'm not entirely sure how Reddit works but here goes nothing.
My mate has had cancer for most of his life. He was supposed to die 10 years ago but continues to survive & be an amazing person.
However his health issues have caused his eyesight to deteriorate and it's only going to get worse and inevitably blind him. Last year he underwent eye surgery (I'm not sure exactly what type) that failed and he had to wear a blindfold of sorts for over a week and that's when he told me he would kill himself if he had to live this way forever.
Well now we've learnt that it's his fate now, so when it happens he stated something along the lines of *'I was supposed to die anyways and I've had a good run. My girlfriend knows what's going to happen when I'm blind'*
I held his hand and reassured him that there's an answer to everything and we will find a way in life where he will still want to live and I just know we can figure something out which made him smile and thank me which gave me hope.
I remember watching a girl on YouTube who became blind at 14 which made her suicidal at the time but now in her 20s she doesn't even want her vision back & seems to be thriving.
Does anyone have any ideas or any advice on what I could do to show support and that he can still live? His cancer issues are currently going well it's just his eyesight.
I couldn't even imagine the pain he's going through and it terrifies me that I could lose him even though I know at any second it's a possibility whether it's the cancer or suicide.
I met him at a cancer support group a few years back cuz I myself use to have cancer and we have gone through so so much together. He's always been there for me and I hate that I can't take the illness away. He's the last person to deserve any of this and it's just so unfair. :(
My mate has had cancer for most of his life. He was supposed to die 10 years ago but continues to survive & be an amazing person.
However his health issues have caused his eyesight to deteriorate and it's only going to get worse and inevitably blind him. Last year he underwent eye surgery (I'm not sure exactly what type) that failed and he had to wear a blindfold of sorts for over a week and that's when he told me he would kill himself if he had to live this way forever.
Well now we've learnt that it's his fate now, so when it happens he stated something along the lines of *'I was supposed to die anyways and I've had a good run. My girlfriend knows what's going to happen when I'm blind'*
I held his hand and reassured him that there's an answer to everything and we will find a way in life where he will still want to live and I just know we can figure something out which made him smile and thank me which gave me hope.
I remember watching a girl on YouTube who became blind at 14 which made her suicidal at the time but now in her 20s she doesn't even want her vision back & seems to be thriving.
Does anyone have any ideas or any advice on what I could do to show support and that he can still live? His cancer issues are currently going well it's just his eyesight.
I couldn't even imagine the pain he's going through and it terrifies me that I could lose him even though I know at any second it's a possibility whether it's the cancer or suicide.
I met him at a cancer support group a few years back cuz I myself use to have cancer and we have gone through so so much together. He's always been there for me and I hate that I can't take the illness away. He's the last person to deserve any of this and it's just so unfair. :(
EffectiveYak0 7 points 1y ago
I lost my vision very suddenly at 32. I had surgery and less than two weeks later I was almost completely blind. A few more weeks and I was completely blind. The doctors couldn't tell me if I'd ever get any vision back or how long it would take to heal. During that time I remember having the same thoughts as your friend. For me, I eventually was able to accept what happened to me, and I did get a bit of vision back. At the time, the best thing I did for myself was learn how to use a screen reader and then listen to a lot of inspiring youtube videos and podcasts.
I think your friend should start talking to a counselor asap. Take this seriously and get him the help he needs.
I think your friend should start talking to a counselor asap. Take this seriously and get him the help he needs.
rumster 6 points 1y ago
great response.
Visual_Snowxo [OP] 2 points 1y ago
Thank you for your response. I'm sorry about your situation and wish you the best in life.
I'll definitely suggest these options to him.
Are there any particular videos/podcasts that you can recommend and link?
I'll definitely suggest these options to him.
Are there any particular videos/podcasts that you can recommend and link?
EffectiveYak0 3 points 1y ago
It's really going to depend on what he likes.
For me, I ended up listening to quite a bit of Joe Rogan Experience. I also just searched Youtube for inspirational ted talks, and just inspirational videos. There's a ton out there.
But the most important part is that your friend needs professional help.
For me, I ended up listening to quite a bit of Joe Rogan Experience. I also just searched Youtube for inspirational ted talks, and just inspirational videos. There's a ton out there.
But the most important part is that your friend needs professional help.
Visual_Snowxo [OP] 2 points 1y ago
After reading the responses to my post, professional mental health seems to be a major factor in improving his mental well being.
Really it is common sense, however the thought for some reason hasn't crossed my mind so I feel a little silly.
Nevertheless, even with this knowledge he's one of those guys who just doesn't believe in that form of self help and healing. So convincing him is going to be a challenge.
I must sound stupid. Wanting to use some form of manipulation to convince him to stay. I just know it's not going to be easy and an addition to that his cancer could go south at any moment.
I just know that if he was to pass away and I did absolutely nothing in my power to help I would hate and kick myself more and more. This situation isn't about me though, I feel self centred even mentioning that. It's really about doing all I can to support and bring positive energy towards him.
I'm sorry for such a doomy response. I'm just a little lost and perhaps not thinking clearly. Whether it's idiotic or not I just have this feeling that I can save him...
Really it is common sense, however the thought for some reason hasn't crossed my mind so I feel a little silly.
Nevertheless, even with this knowledge he's one of those guys who just doesn't believe in that form of self help and healing. So convincing him is going to be a challenge.
I must sound stupid. Wanting to use some form of manipulation to convince him to stay. I just know it's not going to be easy and an addition to that his cancer could go south at any moment.
I just know that if he was to pass away and I did absolutely nothing in my power to help I would hate and kick myself more and more. This situation isn't about me though, I feel self centred even mentioning that. It's really about doing all I can to support and bring positive energy towards him.
I'm sorry for such a doomy response. I'm just a little lost and perhaps not thinking clearly. Whether it's idiotic or not I just have this feeling that I can save him...
Nighthawk321 3 points 1y ago
It sounds to me like he's fallen into the narrative that blind/disabled people somehow live less than fulfilling lives and ultimately that they're not worth living. I can absolutely empathize with how scary it can be losing or going to lose your sight. What things does he enjoy? Many things can be or have been adapted to be accessible for the blind. Chances are he believes blind people have this substandard way of life, without realizing how many resources blind people have at their disposal.
Visual_Snowxo [OP] 1 points 1y ago
He absolutely loves playing video games which he is no longer able to do which has taken a great toll on him. He also enjoys playing games like Magic (He's a massive nerd like myself lol).
He also enjoys drawing. We use to try and make comics togethers.
Perhaps there are alternative ways to do these hobbies? Just not exactly sure how.
He also enjoys drawing. We use to try and make comics togethers.
Perhaps there are alternative ways to do these hobbies? Just not exactly sure how.
Nighthawk321 3 points 1y ago
Well you couldn't be talking to a better person :). I actually play a bunch of video games, and am also a huge MTG fan. I make Youtube content and stream myself playing video games. I and a bunch of other advocates are pushing developers to make their games more accessible. Many aren't accessible, but more and more are getting there. $1 a playlist of video games clips I've taken). I also have [videos on how I play MTG]9https://www.youtube.com/c/BlindMTG) and strategies I use to remember the board, so maybe he would find them useful? Hope some of this helps and feel free to reach out with any questions.
Visual_Snowxo [OP] 2 points 1y ago
Thank you so so so so SO much!!!
He might be coming over to mine later tonight and will definitely show him the playlist and other videos.
Bless you and I appreciate your time and the best in life <3
He might be coming over to mine later tonight and will definitely show him the playlist and other videos.
Bless you and I appreciate your time and the best in life <3
[deleted] 1 points 1y ago
[deleted]
Nighthawk321 2 points 1y ago
He's definitely able to still enjoy video games, it just takes a bit of practice. But as you can see from the videos I linked, gaming while blind is still very much possible and will only get better. As for MTG, I actually have a video on the MTG channel I linked that talks about how I play MTG. I more or less put braille on the sleeves of my cards.
EyesR4Nerds 2 points 1y ago
With all due respect, this is well above the pay grade of strangers on the internet. This sounds like someone having, or nearing, a mental health crisis. Please encourage this individual to reach out for mental health support, or do so yourself should they continue to discuss suicide. The National Suicide Lifeline, 911 or your local emergency room are all valid and appropriate resources.
Visual_Snowxo [OP] 2 points 1y ago
I apologise if taking this to Reddit was a mistake.
With being anonymous I felt there weren't many risks in this post.
He is a mate who won't take those steps to reach out for mental health support or a suicide helpline no matter what I say or suggest. When it comes down to this situation even mentioning to him an alternative approach to a positive life and providing helplines is completely disregarded by him.
Even though it isn't my intention, me being straight up and bluntly suggest mental health support, it seems to come off as patronizing to him even though that is not my motive at all.
That's why I have come searching for a creative yet subtle approach to helping him. Maybe all of this is in vain but I really want to try my best.
I highly appreciate your suggestions as they're productive and rational. However it is incredibly hard when acquiring that type support when this person would not even consider the mental health support approach.
With being anonymous I felt there weren't many risks in this post.
He is a mate who won't take those steps to reach out for mental health support or a suicide helpline no matter what I say or suggest. When it comes down to this situation even mentioning to him an alternative approach to a positive life and providing helplines is completely disregarded by him.
Even though it isn't my intention, me being straight up and bluntly suggest mental health support, it seems to come off as patronizing to him even though that is not my motive at all.
That's why I have come searching for a creative yet subtle approach to helping him. Maybe all of this is in vain but I really want to try my best.
I highly appreciate your suggestions as they're productive and rational. However it is incredibly hard when acquiring that type support when this person would not even consider the mental health support approach.
EyesR4Nerds 1 points 1y ago
Not a mistake at all. I’m sorry to hear you’re in such a difficult position, please take care of yourself and stay safe and sane :)
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