Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Love Hate relationship with cane usage (self.Blind)
submitted by CupcakeFlower76
Hello everyone.
I didn’t know how to title this so I’m sorry if the title is hard to understand.
I recently have been struggling with vision loss due to my Refractive Amblyopia and High myopia. And I strongly believe that a cane would be very useful to me as I am visually impaired. I never thought I’d ever need a cane again as I had one for a short while when I was a small child while I was being treated for my Amblyopia.
I recently noticed that I no longer have use over my right eye. I see almost everything with my left eye. My better eye.
And my high myopia makes things blurry for my left eye that I have to use every day so I thought a mobility cane would be useful but my twin sister and a few other people I know don’t think I need one. And I know it’s for a fact that they don’t believe my vision has gotten worse and I’ve been bumping and banging into things including being confused if what I’m looking at is what I’m actually looking at. Even in a house I’ve been known for years. My twin sister (and I’m sure everyone else) thinks my wanting and needing a mobility cane is because my best friend is Totally blind when that clearly isn’t the case. I don’t even feel safe walking alone by myself.
I’m speaking to someone about it to help me possibly get O&M instruction and I can’t get over the feeling that maybe I’m just being stupid or overdramatic.
My whole life people have invalidated me due to my Autism, vision and other issues and I feel so stressed all the time .
How do I learn to stop caring what people think about me and my needing a cane?
Thank you all and I apologize for the long post.
I didn’t know how to title this so I’m sorry if the title is hard to understand.
I recently have been struggling with vision loss due to my Refractive Amblyopia and High myopia. And I strongly believe that a cane would be very useful to me as I am visually impaired. I never thought I’d ever need a cane again as I had one for a short while when I was a small child while I was being treated for my Amblyopia.
I recently noticed that I no longer have use over my right eye. I see almost everything with my left eye. My better eye.
And my high myopia makes things blurry for my left eye that I have to use every day so I thought a mobility cane would be useful but my twin sister and a few other people I know don’t think I need one. And I know it’s for a fact that they don’t believe my vision has gotten worse and I’ve been bumping and banging into things including being confused if what I’m looking at is what I’m actually looking at. Even in a house I’ve been known for years. My twin sister (and I’m sure everyone else) thinks my wanting and needing a mobility cane is because my best friend is Totally blind when that clearly isn’t the case. I don’t even feel safe walking alone by myself.
I’m speaking to someone about it to help me possibly get O&M instruction and I can’t get over the feeling that maybe I’m just being stupid or overdramatic.
My whole life people have invalidated me due to my Autism, vision and other issues and I feel so stressed all the time .
How do I learn to stop caring what people think about me and my needing a cane?
Thank you all and I apologize for the long post.
CloudyBeep 15 points 1y ago
No-one but you knows what it's like to see through your eyes. If you feel unsafe and that a cane would be beneficial, no-one can invalidate those thoughts because no-one else has your experience, least of all family members who are sighted.
yourmommaisaunicorn 4 points 1y ago
I found once I stopped asking, I stopped caring about people’s opinion. Telling your family especially that you are not seeking their opinion, you are updating them on upcoming changes in your life (cane usage).
It’s not about setting boundaries, but expectations.
It’s not about setting boundaries, but expectations.
CupcakeFlower76 [OP] 2 points 1y ago
That’s the thing is I don’t ask lol. I just explain and all I get is backlash or rudeness.
yourmommaisaunicorn 5 points 1y ago
The audience you are talking to (family) are used to giving advice. Even though you are not explicitly asking, by explaining the problem they think you are asking for advice. Parents do this by default because in the act of parenting you have to provide a lot of corrections and it takes a LONG TIME to stop providing said corrections.
CupcakeFlower76 [OP] 3 points 1y ago
That’s understandable.
DaaxD 2 points 1y ago
> *You will always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heatwaves.*
> \- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1962
If any of my sighted friends or family would tell me if I should use my cane or not, I would probably tell them to poke their eyes out before advicing me on how to live with RP.
On the other I'm not very jovial or wholesome person so you shouldn't take my advice what comes to dealing with other people.
> \- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1962
If any of my sighted friends or family would tell me if I should use my cane or not, I would probably tell them to poke their eyes out before advicing me on how to live with RP.
On the other I'm not very jovial or wholesome person so you shouldn't take my advice what comes to dealing with other people.
[deleted] 2 points 1y ago
Just talk to Orientation and mobility and they might have you see an eye dr unless you have a report. Then they will tell you how they can help you. I hope you get all the help you need. :) I am running around with my cane all the time. I'm slow cause I have trouble breathing, but I'm ok. XD REALLY HAPPY FACE!
NovemberGoat 2 points 1y ago
This is why I haven't explained for years. When I realised particular members of my family couldn't respect my boundaries, I removed the opportunity for them to do so. If I know what is best for me, if I know how to find and provide myself happiness in my life, then none of it needs explaining or informing to judgemental people who will never benefit. Yes, they may grumble or kick up a stink about your actions/decisions, but there's nothing they can do about it when it's already been done. Personally, that's a far sight easier to deal with than being kicked before I've even had a chance to stand up. It may be terrifying to do the first few times, but it's well worth developing that muscle memory in the long-run.
I wish you the best of luck with this. You really do deserve it.
I wish you the best of luck with this. You really do deserve it.
[deleted] 1 points 1y ago
My cane has become more of my buddy then ever before. :D HAPPY FACE
Mamamagpie 3 points 1y ago
I’m so sorry you are facing resistance. We each have to live with the eyesight we have/don’t have. My state’s commission for the blind and visually impaired never gave me a cane. They didn’t think I needed it. After realizing how many times I have tripped on something on my blind side I got a cane. I know my eyes better than any mobility instructor would know my eyes. What vision I have corrects to 20/20, but anything right of center is as if I’m completely blind. Looking at the center of my phone I don’t see the right edge of it with out turning my eyes.
But I’m old and no one has really questioned me. The joys of being in my 50’s.
But I’m old and no one has really questioned me. The joys of being in my 50’s.
yellowtrim_ 2 points 1y ago
I feel the need to say I am a sighted person, so I don't fully understand what it is like to be blind or have deteriorating vision.
However, you should do whatever makes you feel the happiest, safest and most comfortable. If using a cane makes you feel more confident in your abilities then do it! At the end of the day you are the one that needs to be able to navigate your surroundings. The people in your life that are invalidating your concerns don't need to navigate through your eyes every day. Only you know what is best for you!
Also, a different perspective.. a person on the street that sees you with a cane wouldn't say "Did you only get that cane because your best friend is totally blind?" "I don't think you need that cane, sir or madam." So the fact that your own family is saying that should definitely clue you in to them being very in the wrong. If a stranger wouldn't treat you like that, your family certainly shouldn't. Best of luck to you friend! xx
However, you should do whatever makes you feel the happiest, safest and most comfortable. If using a cane makes you feel more confident in your abilities then do it! At the end of the day you are the one that needs to be able to navigate your surroundings. The people in your life that are invalidating your concerns don't need to navigate through your eyes every day. Only you know what is best for you!
Also, a different perspective.. a person on the street that sees you with a cane wouldn't say "Did you only get that cane because your best friend is totally blind?" "I don't think you need that cane, sir or madam." So the fact that your own family is saying that should definitely clue you in to them being very in the wrong. If a stranger wouldn't treat you like that, your family certainly shouldn't. Best of luck to you friend! xx
WorldlyLingonberry40 2 points 1y ago
You may not need a cane all the time, and sometimes you may need it. As you cannot see through one eye, your depth perception is gone, so steps and drop-offs can be difficult to deal with. Also, because of the lackof depth perception you might see something and still run into it, because you were not able to judge the distance. The cane will help you very much in staying safe.
[deleted] 2 points 1y ago
I think I'm a pinch away from 20/250 honestly because even the 20/400 line was blurry. :o I could see it, but it was pretty blurry. :O SHOCKED FACE!
[deleted] 2 points 1y ago
I'm truely sorry. Talk to an o and M and they can help you. I have been invalidated for just being me. I lost my brother last year in august 202 and I've been loosing vision since not long before that. I've been dealing with severe depression. I'm not good at helping myself. I'm good at sabatoging my life. Myself. i want help, I keep waiting, maybe when I hit 20/300. I'm at 20/200. I have been having a hard time. i've seen dr after dr dr after dr. It is so upsetting. I do pretty good, but sometimes it just hits me really bad, but if it was between having my brother back, or having better vision. I'd go blind just have my brother back. I miss him terribly. I'm a lonely person. I have absolutely no local friends. I do the best I can and I have Jesus he helps me every day. :'( Huggies. I just want you to know no matter what obsticles are placed in front of you, even if you are wanting to give up keep going, even if it is a slow walk, it's better than no walk. HUGE HUGGIES TO YOUUU!! :))))
fanofthefollowing 2 points 1y ago
You're not being stupid or overdramatic. Your safety and health are important. If you feel that you need a cane, get one.
[deleted] 2 points 1y ago
YES YES and YES! :D Get out there with your cane buddy and go do wonderful things!! :)
DrillInstructorJan 2 points 1y ago
OK, so the first thing to understand is that the situation you're in is not that unusual. A lot of people find that their friends and family don't want them to use a cane. Not everyone, it never happened to me, but then my sight situation was pretty straightforward. I went from all to nothing. When people have some sight but maybe not great sight, like you have, their buddies tend to be all surprised. I don't really get why that happens, but if it helps, you're not the only one.
As other people have said, if you need it, use it. The upside to this is that people around you tend to get used to the idea pretty quickly. It's up to you, not anyone else.
In the meantime I suspect it's not really them trying to be unpleasant to you. What you're getting is their discomfort at the realisation your sight is bad enough to need a cane. You've known that for years, I suspect, but maybe they didn't. There is a level on which that's rough for everyone, but you can help out with that by letting them know how much the cane helps. Trying to be up beat in situations like this is rough but if you can do it, it'll help.
Let us know how it goes!
As other people have said, if you need it, use it. The upside to this is that people around you tend to get used to the idea pretty quickly. It's up to you, not anyone else.
In the meantime I suspect it's not really them trying to be unpleasant to you. What you're getting is their discomfort at the realisation your sight is bad enough to need a cane. You've known that for years, I suspect, but maybe they didn't. There is a level on which that's rough for everyone, but you can help out with that by letting them know how much the cane helps. Trying to be up beat in situations like this is rough but if you can do it, it'll help.
Let us know how it goes!
CosmicBunny97 2 points 1y ago
Who cares what other things? It’s going to make your life easier, it’s going to make people understand that you’re vision impaired and not drunk/clumsy/whatever other assumptions they come up with. Only you can judge if you need one, not your family or friends, but I would recommend giving it a go.
SLJ7 2 points 1y ago
Yikes. I'm sorry you're around people who are treating you this way. A bit of denial is normal, but this is really not okay.
First, if you are bumping into things or not feeling safe (or both), you need a cane ASAP. Even just having one will help.
People will look at you differently sometimes. That's just shitty reality. But it's better for them to know than for those same people to be rude because they don't understand that you're VI.
I think the struggle of getting past people's opinions of you is really difficult, and I can't speak to that as much because I grew up using a cane. But I will say that this is about personal safety as much as it is comfort, and you need to do what's best for you. However it feels now and however people treat you now, they'll get over it. Or they won't, and you'll still have a support system of other blind people and services that can help.
Like others have said, at this point your family has proven they don't know what's best for you. So all you can do is inform them of what you're going to do, make sure they know you're not asking for advice or permission, and just do it. I know this is often easier said than done, but this is a safety issue at this point.
First, if you are bumping into things or not feeling safe (or both), you need a cane ASAP. Even just having one will help.
People will look at you differently sometimes. That's just shitty reality. But it's better for them to know than for those same people to be rude because they don't understand that you're VI.
I think the struggle of getting past people's opinions of you is really difficult, and I can't speak to that as much because I grew up using a cane. But I will say that this is about personal safety as much as it is comfort, and you need to do what's best for you. However it feels now and however people treat you now, they'll get over it. Or they won't, and you'll still have a support system of other blind people and services that can help.
Like others have said, at this point your family has proven they don't know what's best for you. So all you can do is inform them of what you're going to do, make sure they know you're not asking for advice or permission, and just do it. I know this is often easier said than done, but this is a safety issue at this point.
projeeper 1 points 1y ago
From your description of your vision it really is impossible to determine if you are “Legally Blind” by definition of having CORRECTED vision equal to or less than 20/200 IN BOTH EYES, or a visual field of 21 degrees or less.
If you don’t meet this definition it is unlawful in many countries to use a White mobility cane.
Like the others, I would recommend consulting with a O&M to first make sure you qualify and second on how to best use it. If so, than this would also validate to your family you do both qualify and need this devise.
Best wishes on your journey!
If you don’t meet this definition it is unlawful in many countries to use a White mobility cane.
Like the others, I would recommend consulting with a O&M to first make sure you qualify and second on how to best use it. If so, than this would also validate to your family you do both qualify and need this devise.
Best wishes on your journey!
CupcakeFlower76 [OP] 1 points 1y ago
My vision isn’t corrected with glasses. Even with glasses my vision is still exactly the same.
SoapyRiley 2 points 1y ago
To this I would add if your location has requirements of legal blindness and you don’t meet them to use a white cane, just use another color if you feel you need it. Mine’s purple for this very reason. I have heavy visual snow so I can’t necessarily make out objects and my depth perception goes in and out and glare is a big problem but my glaucoma hasn’t eaten enough of my visual field and I can still read the eye chart to 20/40. I get the safety I need and nobody can say I’m breaking the law.
CupcakeFlower76 [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Thank you all for commenting. I feel much more secure than I did before. You are all very kind.
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