Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Update on the cane (self.Blind)
submitted by Tinypanda20
I bought a cane for my night blindness (see last few posts) and I wanted to practice using it in the dark so I wanted to walk with my dog and dad. My dad refused to let me use my cane and he just said “or you walk without that thing or you stay home”. He told me I am weird and crazy and I don’t even need it. So I bought the thing I needed but my parents don’t want me to use it because probably they think I then “look disabled” or some stupid shit like that. I don’t think I am ever allowed to use it when they are around so I don’t know what to do.
I also noticed my left eye swishes to the side when my other one looks ahead when I am looking and not paying attention sometimes. I have a eye doctor appointment on 16 December So I am so glad that they all worked so quickly and hard to get me scheduled in because my glasses doc was worried about me
I also noticed my left eye swishes to the side when my other one looks ahead when I am looking and not paying attention sometimes. I have a eye doctor appointment on 16 December So I am so glad that they all worked so quickly and hard to get me scheduled in because my glasses doc was worried about me
ForceR-1356 5 points 1y ago
That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. It does sound like your dad is not being supportive. If you feel the need to have a conversation try reassuring him that the cane is not only to keep you safe but it is to keep other pedestrians safe as well. However reassure him that the majority of its purpose is to keep you safe and out of harm's Way while walking.
My mom and my aunt used to have to fight with me to use my cane because as a teen I had more usable vision and I did not think a came was cool. However, now as a parent myself I use my cane at night to keep myself safe, to keep people out of my way, and for their safety oh, so I am not tripping over them or injuring them. It is an important tool and parents should encourage it if needed not make you feel like you are a statistic. Hope things get better
My mom and my aunt used to have to fight with me to use my cane because as a teen I had more usable vision and I did not think a came was cool. However, now as a parent myself I use my cane at night to keep myself safe, to keep people out of my way, and for their safety oh, so I am not tripping over them or injuring them. It is an important tool and parents should encourage it if needed not make you feel like you are a statistic. Hope things get better
xmachinaxxx 5 points 1y ago
You don’t have a diagnosis yet correct? Hopefully your family will come around once you get one.
Tinypanda20 [OP] 3 points 1y ago
I hope so to, I feel really unsafe while walking in dusky unfamiliar places a cane would probably be really helpful to safely aid me in going new places without being bound to broad daylight
swimmingdaisy 5 points 1y ago
I wont pretend to know your exact situation, but it sounds like hes in denial of your situation, and or is misguided about the best way to facilitate your transition into a pedestrian with visual impairments. Other people who are supportive of individuals with visual impairments can be over helping, and may impede an individuals independence by not allowing them to go through the difficult process of re-learning how to do the things that’s once made them independent. I’d imagine that your father is going through stages of grief concerning your visual loss, you’ll have to do your best so that it doesn’t impede your independence.
PrincessDie123 4 points 1y ago
It sounds like you’re a minor or at least living with your parents so tell all of this to your doctor and have them help advocate for you, they can explain in terms that your parents can hopefully understand that there’s no shame in using something to aid your safety and functionality while allowing you independence. Use it anyway or risk getting lost or hurt, please stay safe out there friend. My family never stopped me from using it but I did have a few family members tell me that I didn’t need my cane, it’s true I can manage without it but as I said before it helps me move more quickly, efficiently, and safely because it helps others see me if and when I don’t see them plus it helps me trip less because to see my feet I have to be hunched over staring at them while I walk and I still trip or run into stuff that way.
TheLoneViking 4 points 1y ago
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. This kind of situation makes my blood boil, your family and loved ones should be supporting you, not trying to invalidate you and your needs. I'd recommend seeing an orientation and mobility specialist to help you, and maybe even having them try to talk to your parents to help educate them on these things.
EyesR4Nerds 4 points 1y ago
I don’t know your exact situation, so just sharing some ideas:
Working with an Orientation and Mobility specialist could be helpful. This person would teach you to safely and effectively use your new cane, and help educate your family about your transition and ways they can better support you.
Best of luck!
Working with an Orientation and Mobility specialist could be helpful. This person would teach you to safely and effectively use your new cane, and help educate your family about your transition and ways they can better support you.
Best of luck!
Pinknose27 2 points 1y ago
Yes. Do this!
thatawkwardcosplayer 4 points 1y ago
Sounds like my parents. I wasn’t allowed or able to safely use a cane until I “moved out” at 18. If you don’t think it’s safe for your mental or physical safety, I suggest waiting. While it IS completely unfair, that may be safest.
Tinypanda20 [OP] 6 points 1y ago
It’s so weird to me, I feel like their ashamed of my needs. I think that because I am not 100% blind ( no light perception) that I don’t need it and they think I am just doing it for attention
thatawkwardcosplayer 5 points 1y ago
That’s a pretty common misconception that people have, especially parents who aren’t prepared for having disabled children. I was adopted and they had been warned of my issues AND YET!! Still completely acted like it wasn’t possible.
A lot of parents unfortunately view having a disabled child as a sign that THEY did something wrong and therefore that’s “bad” which makes them “bad”. (In general, not necessarily your parents.)
A lot of parents unfortunately view having a disabled child as a sign that THEY did something wrong and therefore that’s “bad” which makes them “bad”. (In general, not necessarily your parents.)
CupcakeFlower76 4 points 1y ago
I had people treat me like that even though I am half blind and my good eye has bad peripheral.
Tinypanda20 [OP] 4 points 1y ago
Ugh I hate that, I asked my dad why hes so against me using my cane when I am clearly night blind and he told me “you aren’t using that thing until you get a proper diagnose” he thinks a diagnosis will make me suddenly be night blind and worthy of a cane when I am clearly night blind already lol. I didn’t not see a entire set of stairs in the dusk just because I wanted some attention.
I am not even scheduled to get tested until a month and they expect me to just stay inside when it’s dark and not use my cane but also they think im overreacting everything so why would they expect me to stay inside in the dark if they didn’t believe me.
It’s just so weird and it all feels really ableist. He thinks Only 100% blind people use a cane and he doesn’t even understand that blindness is a spectrum like I tried to tell him
I am not even scheduled to get tested until a month and they expect me to just stay inside when it’s dark and not use my cane but also they think im overreacting everything so why would they expect me to stay inside in the dark if they didn’t believe me.
It’s just so weird and it all feels really ableist. He thinks Only 100% blind people use a cane and he doesn’t even understand that blindness is a spectrum like I tried to tell him
mantolwen 4 points 1y ago
You'll look really disabled when you get into a serious accident because of your night blindness. I'm not suggesting you necessarily tell your dad that, but I hope you can get diagnosed soon so medical professionals can give him a talking to.
CupcakeFlower76 4 points 1y ago
The worst thing of all is that Family members are the least understanding or accepting.
MacaroniGlutenFree 3 points 1y ago
As a father of a daughter who inevitably will lose her sight one day, it saddens me deeply that some parents aren’t more understanding of their child’s needs.
He should be advocating for you to get O&M training and defend your right to use a cane in public.
He should be advocating for you to get O&M training and defend your right to use a cane in public.
Bloodedparadox 1 points 1y ago
I started experiencing night time blindness at 10 my parents thought me and my teachers were chatting crap 9 years go by (diagnosed at 19 ) and now I'm 20 in a position where I wish they believed it and took me to get diagnosed instead of me finding out from a random OCT/OCR scan that I decided to do to only find out I got RP
That way I could still be doing the thing I was doing at 17 to 18
That way I could still be doing the thing I was doing at 17 to 18
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