Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Being accused of "Playing the blind card" (self.Blind)
submitted by QuentinJamesP89
Someone berated me today for "playing the blind card to get sympathy". It wasn't anyone I knew, but it still felt very harsh. It makes me a little loathe to bring up my blindness in discussions for fear of appearing like I want sympathy. I was asking for suggestions for where to find affordable lawn care and was told to do it myself and so explained why I struggle to do it myself. Then someone said I was playing the blind card to get sympathy and free help when I didn't need it.
It doesn't matter what random people online think of me. I am not that sensitive. But somehow that was still kind of a punch in the stomach and I was surprised to find myself thinking of it all day. It was kind of a blow to my pride and I found myself second guessing myself and wondering if I'd really fallen that far. I'm struggling the best I can to take care of my family and the various tasks that need to get done around my house. Even simple things are very difficult. So many things I love are gone or hard, and I have to constantly brush aside painful thoughts of them. I have to overcome my feelings of insecurity every day and plow through doing the best I can without succumbing to discouragement. My pride and self respect are very tenuous right now and it takes a lot of courage and persistence to get through every day. I don't think people really realize this.
Someone who casually accuses me of "playing the blind card" has no idea what my life is like. Of how long I struggled to learn braille music in hopes that I could continue to play the piano. Or how much of my spare time is gone now because everything takes me so long. Of how many hours I've spent just learning how to get around safely again, and how long it took me to use a cane, because I felt so humiliated. Of how awkward friends and acquaintances have been around me because of my vision loss. Of how awkward I've felt around them. Of all the endless eye surgeries I have to endure. Of how much work there is for me to do around here that's been piling up for over a year and half that I keep saying I'll do but inside doubt I'm still capable of.
And now I really am complaining, but at least those on here can feel my pain. That comment just felt like one more demeaning blow. I'm just a man who wants to do my work and take care of my family and be respected. It's incredibly hard, and it takes a lot of courage not to succumb. It's very hard to have to depend on others for certain things and I try not to as much as I can. I hate to ever ask for help. I certainly would never stoop to begging others for sympathy to take me on as a charity case. I found that suggestion extremely humiliating.
It doesn't matter what random people online think of me. I am not that sensitive. But somehow that was still kind of a punch in the stomach and I was surprised to find myself thinking of it all day. It was kind of a blow to my pride and I found myself second guessing myself and wondering if I'd really fallen that far. I'm struggling the best I can to take care of my family and the various tasks that need to get done around my house. Even simple things are very difficult. So many things I love are gone or hard, and I have to constantly brush aside painful thoughts of them. I have to overcome my feelings of insecurity every day and plow through doing the best I can without succumbing to discouragement. My pride and self respect are very tenuous right now and it takes a lot of courage and persistence to get through every day. I don't think people really realize this.
Someone who casually accuses me of "playing the blind card" has no idea what my life is like. Of how long I struggled to learn braille music in hopes that I could continue to play the piano. Or how much of my spare time is gone now because everything takes me so long. Of how many hours I've spent just learning how to get around safely again, and how long it took me to use a cane, because I felt so humiliated. Of how awkward friends and acquaintances have been around me because of my vision loss. Of how awkward I've felt around them. Of all the endless eye surgeries I have to endure. Of how much work there is for me to do around here that's been piling up for over a year and half that I keep saying I'll do but inside doubt I'm still capable of.
And now I really am complaining, but at least those on here can feel my pain. That comment just felt like one more demeaning blow. I'm just a man who wants to do my work and take care of my family and be respected. It's incredibly hard, and it takes a lot of courage not to succumb. It's very hard to have to depend on others for certain things and I try not to as much as I can. I hate to ever ask for help. I certainly would never stoop to begging others for sympathy to take me on as a charity case. I found that suggestion extremely humiliating.
thewalruscandyman 18 points 1y ago
In my experience the only people who pull that kind of shit are pity whores who want that kind of attention or that kind of excuse.
Like you said, there are a set of struggles we all know, but the rest of the world doesn't see this (ha).
Surface level is them seeing us not being able to do things they don't want to do, but still have to do.
For lack of a better word, they are jealous.
Like you said, there are a set of struggles we all know, but the rest of the world doesn't see this (ha).
Surface level is them seeing us not being able to do things they don't want to do, but still have to do.
For lack of a better word, they are jealous.
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 10 points 1y ago
I didn't really think about that. I don't know if they realize that I don't sit around and get waited on. Instead I use incredible amounts of time which I'd rather spend on other things just doing simple tasks. I'm certainly not trying to shirk my responsibilities.
ConnorLark 12 points 1y ago
you weren't doing anything wrong or taking advantage. also, you were dealt the blind card. Play it anytime it is good to do so.
MostlyBlindGamer 4 points 1y ago
Wow, that's such a great way to put it!
snappydoggie 9 points 1y ago
I feel your pain. We adjust to changing/worsening vision as time progresses. We learn blindness skills, we get a guide dog, we take a different job to accommodate our vision, and we ultimately change our lives so we don’t give up. Giving up would be the easiest option to many of us. We grieve our lost vision daily. After all this work that comment is truly a slap in the face. I’ve had a couple of those pivotal moments of someone’s careless comment that hurts you to the core. I was called a “tragic hero” by someone. I feel you. They have no idea how vision life effects our lives and I totally feel you. Hugs to you.
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 7 points 1y ago
Yeah, I was surprised by my reaction because I know I shouldn't care. I'm not usually that sensitive. But it felt strangely humiliating when I'm doing the best I can in the face of what really seem like overwhelming difficulties.
MysticOnionRing 9 points 1y ago
Okay, this person obviously didn't get why you said that you're blind. Because every normal human just can imagine that doing things without sight/with pretty shitty sight sucks.
Retinopathy of prematurity myself, been in this kind of situations for so many times I don't give a f*** anymore. If someone has a problem with my visual impairment, then the person isn't worthy of my attention.
Hugs for ya, friend. Stay strong. Don't give a f*** about this kind of people.
Retinopathy of prematurity myself, been in this kind of situations for so many times I don't give a f*** anymore. If someone has a problem with my visual impairment, then the person isn't worthy of my attention.
Hugs for ya, friend. Stay strong. Don't give a f*** about this kind of people.
DrillInstructorJan 7 points 1y ago
Totally agree, that's the best approach. You can simultaneously accept that it isn't great and people shouldn't do it, and also not give a damn.
carolineecouture 6 points 1y ago
They don't know you so anything they say is based on themselves and their projection. Telling people you are blind under the circumstances you mentioned is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Not like you started out asking for free stuff.
I find this happens on Reddit a lot; people are arguing with their own strawmen or not even reading what is written and then going off on their own tangent.
Ignore them and be well!
I find this happens on Reddit a lot; people are arguing with their own strawmen or not even reading what is written and then going off on their own tangent.
Ignore them and be well!
FaerilyRowanwind 6 points 1y ago
Hugs friend.
SoapyRiley 5 points 1y ago
People like that have probably never met a real challenge in their life and have no sympathy for those that have withstood real struggle. It’s kind of sad that they will likely crumble when met with their first big one because they simply do not understand the grit and determination it takes to get through it. People that react like, they just don’t have it and I feel sorry for them.
oldfogey12345 5 points 1y ago
As far as people who are not your friends or family, you will get mostly judged or treated like a helpless child in a lot of cases.
There is not much you can do about that in the real world.
In online interactions though, you can exert some control over the situation.
Unless you are signing up for government services or having a conversation where the subject is blindness, there is no need to share that bit of information in online discussions.
It can easily turn into a crap comment like the one you got or a game of 20 questions. If I am trying to find a place to conduct a simple business transaction like you were, I don't have time for either one personally.
Even if I am not trying to do business, I find that if I bring up my blindness, I immediately get treated different. It's like introducing a social handicap into a conversation that has nothing to do with my condition so I avoid it.
Like others have said, in the real world you just gotta plow through and get used to it in a few years.
I am sorry you have to go through this.
There is not much you can do about that in the real world.
In online interactions though, you can exert some control over the situation.
Unless you are signing up for government services or having a conversation where the subject is blindness, there is no need to share that bit of information in online discussions.
It can easily turn into a crap comment like the one you got or a game of 20 questions. If I am trying to find a place to conduct a simple business transaction like you were, I don't have time for either one personally.
Even if I am not trying to do business, I find that if I bring up my blindness, I immediately get treated different. It's like introducing a social handicap into a conversation that has nothing to do with my condition so I avoid it.
Like others have said, in the real world you just gotta plow through and get used to it in a few years.
I am sorry you have to go through this.
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 2 points 1y ago
Yeah, I will think twice before mentioning it again. My vision loss just seemed relevant to why I can't easily mow my own lawn.
I usually don't even call myself blind, even though I have profound vision loss in my only seeing eye. I don't know why but I sometimes feel weird calling myself blind or disabled. It just doesn't seem like it's me, somehow. Maybe I'll get used to that over time. If it's necessary to explain something I just say I'm visually impaired or can't see well enough to do a certain task. But you're right, it creates an entirely different atmosphere to the conversation once introduced.
I usually don't even call myself blind, even though I have profound vision loss in my only seeing eye. I don't know why but I sometimes feel weird calling myself blind or disabled. It just doesn't seem like it's me, somehow. Maybe I'll get used to that over time. If it's necessary to explain something I just say I'm visually impaired or can't see well enough to do a certain task. But you're right, it creates an entirely different atmosphere to the conversation once introduced.
oldfogey12345 1 points 1y ago
Plus it feels good to have little bit of control over a situation too.
CupcakeFlower76 4 points 1y ago
I’ve had a similar experience. I literally can’t do O&M anymore because the backlash and hate was too much. People say “your not totally blind, you still have some vision “ despite me doing everything as much as possible myself and only needing help navigating the outside world and being visually impaired even more due to more vision loss people still think I’m faking it or want to be blind. Like Who would fake vision loss? Before I lost more vision loss I never once thought about needing a cane.
[deleted] 1 points 1y ago
[deleted]
CupcakeFlower76 1 points 1y ago
Im not sure yet but a lot of people think I’m legally blind with my glasses cause they don’t help me. Some people probably think those things about me but they won’t say it to my face.
ProAR13 4 points 1y ago
Their a douche.. but on a side note out of curiosity are these reply’s narrated to you? If so you may be the only person I have come across on Reddit that has a legit gripe over spelling then lol.
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 3 points 1y ago
Not quite sure what you mean about a gripe over spelling?
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 5 points 1y ago
I generally can get by with magnification, but switch to a screen reader when my eye gives out or for longer portions of text.
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 4 points 1y ago
I do read braille but don't use a braille display for things like that. For me that's not the most efficient way to read things online.
ProAR13 2 points 1y ago
Sorry I assumed that if it was text to speech then proper grammar would be pivotal to the dialogue. Or do you have enough vision to read?
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 3 points 1y ago
I mean proper grammar and spelling are preferable in any case.
FaerilyRowanwind 1 points 1y ago
He may be using a Braille display
ProAR13 1 points 1y ago
I can admit that I’m completely unaware of what that technology is.
FaerilyRowanwind 4 points 1y ago
So he may be using a device that works with a computer, iPad, or phone that has a line of electronic braille that refreshes as he reads and writes. So. It’s translating comments and other things instantly into Braille for him to read with his fingers.
Wulflord104 2 points 1y ago
Man this angers me because your vision loss puts you at a disadvantage from others so if you need assistance you need it to be on equal footing with others and even if you need to use your disability it's for the same reason. I hope this person is having a horrible day
codeplaysleep 2 points 1y ago
That person was being an idiot.
You're not playing the blind card or looking for sympathy or taking advantage of anyone. You're asking about exchanging money for a service.
The person who made that comment is probably jealous that will have someone else doing your yard work for you. For you it's a necessity. For them, it's likely a luxury they can't afford.
I pay someone to do my lawn and I have two other perfectly able-bodied adults living with me. People value different things differently. We value not having to do the work of lawn maintenance and the space/money we save by not needing to store a huge lawn mower more than we value the $35/wk it costs to pay someone else to do it 7 months of the year. The guy who does the yard values that $35/wk more than he values the time he spends doing laps around our house on his riding mower. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement for both of us.
You're not playing the blind card or looking for sympathy or taking advantage of anyone. You're asking about exchanging money for a service.
The person who made that comment is probably jealous that will have someone else doing your yard work for you. For you it's a necessity. For them, it's likely a luxury they can't afford.
I pay someone to do my lawn and I have two other perfectly able-bodied adults living with me. People value different things differently. We value not having to do the work of lawn maintenance and the space/money we save by not needing to store a huge lawn mower more than we value the $35/wk it costs to pay someone else to do it 7 months of the year. The guy who does the yard values that $35/wk more than he values the time he spends doing laps around our house on his riding mower. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement for both of us.
DrillInstructorJan 2 points 1y ago
You sound like me. I don't often get that sort of comment, but I do survive on distraction a lot in a way I know probably isn't very healthy and when something punctures that distraction, that's about the only time this stuff ever gets to me. I hate to gripe in your thread but just for a point of comparison, the stuff that really gets under my skin is a lot of identity politics which leads people to assume things about me that aren't true.
Unfortunately the best I can say about any of this is that it is about ploughing through with a sheer effort of will. I don't know how long you've been in this situation but once you've had one of these, the next one (and there will be a next one) gets easier and easier and eventually it's water off a duck's back. No, you shouldn't have to put up with it, we can agree on that, but you probably will have to put up with it, and the correct attitude is to sigh inwardly and find someone else to talk to.
Unfortunately the best I can say about any of this is that it is about ploughing through with a sheer effort of will. I don't know how long you've been in this situation but once you've had one of these, the next one (and there will be a next one) gets easier and easier and eventually it's water off a duck's back. No, you shouldn't have to put up with it, we can agree on that, but you probably will have to put up with it, and the correct attitude is to sigh inwardly and find someone else to talk to.
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 3 points 1y ago
I think you hit on just what it was that got to me. I can plow through and do what I need to and get through my day fairly cheerfully, and push all the hard thoughts aside, but something like that comment can really take me off guard and bring all the discouraging thoughts crashing down again.
DrillInstructorJan 2 points 1y ago
Hey, so I don't know your background and how long you've been in this situation, but if it helps I find that after a while it stops being really personal and horrible and just starts being another one of those things that are sort of wearing, like hideous politicians and global warming. I found in the end it stops being such a personal soul hurt and just becomes something you shake your head over.
That's not to say I don't totally recognise the amount of work it takes and you are one of very few people I've heard describe it the same way it works in my brain, the feeling of constantly doing two jobs and just putting your head down and blasting through it. I would say more but it's Friday night after a hell of a week and I'm just done so I'm going to bed, I bet you recognise that.
That's not to say I don't totally recognise the amount of work it takes and you are one of very few people I've heard describe it the same way it works in my brain, the feeling of constantly doing two jobs and just putting your head down and blasting through it. I would say more but it's Friday night after a hell of a week and I'm just done so I'm going to bed, I bet you recognise that.
QuentinJamesP89 [OP] 1 points 1y ago
I hope that happens eventually. I thought I was more resilient by now, but I guess not.
Otherwise-Anxiety175 1 points 1y ago
I know that horrible feeling when people are rude and criticize your intentions. It’s more like a burning sensation that begins as embarrassment, continues as rage, transforms into a guilt trip and ends in sadness… F&)& that person, you’re the only one who truly knows what you need.
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