It gets easier. I promise.

The transition isn't a smooth and gradual curve. There are steps, and some of them feel like gut punches. There's the certificate of legal blindness, there's losing your job, there's the realization you'll never drive a car again. Those are big, hard steps. But not all of the big steps are hard. Some of them are actually kind of fun, like buying your first pair of dark glasses and looking badass, or conquering railroad tracks while walking downtown at night with a cane.

The hardest step for me was the abrupt ending of feeling like everything depended on me. There's a sense of pride in feeling necessary. You're the reason the spark plugs are properly gapped, the fire extinguishers in the service trucks are inspected, the live broadcast goes smooth, the office has printing paper, the students know the difference between an adjective and an adverb. If it wasn't for you then table 8 wouldn't have their menus or the Boeing 737 at Gate 2 wouldn't have enough hydraulic fluid or the grocery store wouldn't have baby formula on the shelves. You get to see every single day how you're making a difference and you're proud.

And then it stops.

Not slowly, not gently - it just stops. Now that idiot Larry is going to finish what you were working on, and you know the customer is getting screwed because Larry doesn't care - it's just a paycheck to him. And it hurts because it was more than just a paycheck to you. You did your best. You did way beyond "good enough". You put your heart into it because being the best was part of your identity.

And now you have a new identity: Helpless.

I wasn't ready for that part of going blind. Every sighted kid in the world has imagined being blind. We've all walked around for a minute or two with our eyes closed, trying to imagine the blind experience. We've all experienced a pitch black room. We might not have all the details right but we can at least anticipate the mechanics of living a blind life.

There was no way to anticipate the emotions of living a blind life.

Going from respected to pitied? I was not prepared for that.

The first few weeks were hard, but it gets easier. You start letting go of your old life and start embracing the new. It's okay that Larry gets the next project, it doesn't matter anymore. You've got other concerns.

This is turning into a book, isn't it? Sorry about that.

Anyway, one thing I found very helpful was starting a blind bucket list. Make a list of the things you want to do while you still can and get moving. Go visit your family. Share some funny stories. Make some visual memories of them so when you can't see them anymore your last visual memories of them will be smiling, happy ones. Go miniature golfing. Go skydiving. Fly kites with your kids. Have pizza with your friends. Step into the ring and throw some punches. Knock over some empty soda cans with a sling shot. Go bowling. Swing at some pitches at the batting cages. Binge watch that series you never got around to watching. Paint a picture.

The details don't matter, just make use of the eyesight you still have. Use the remaining time in such a way that you won't have any regrets when you lose the rest of it. It's therapeutic.

If you want to talk my DMs are always open.

I was 19, so younger but still just about an adult. Yes, it does get easier, but you have to make it get easier. That is, you have to learn the skills and figure stuff out and be proactive. It sounds like you're doing that but what you can't do is just sit back and expect things to magically improve, they won't, you have to make it happen.

I was talking to someone just yesterday about how family can have a hard time of it. Several people I've known including me have had issues with the family downplaying it and I think sometimes that happens because they don't want to deal with the reality any more than you do. You just have to be calm and straightforward and tell them. I have a calm and reasonable explaining sort of persona I get out in moments like this. It's easy for me in some ways because I can't see at all, which is at least simple, but most people have to explain a bit more detail than that.

And yes, oh wow yes the thing about everyone else having gone blind as a young kid, or been born blind, or being a thousand million years old. I didn't engage with the whole system that exists as much as maybe I could have done because I just didn't have anything in common with the other people who were using those services. I didn't want to end up like them, which was probably a misapprehension because you don't have to end up like anyone you don't want to, you just have to maintain some presence of mind and exercise control over your own destiny. But it's really easy to feel a bit on your own which you really aren't, especially now with the internet and here we are talking!

If there's anything specific you want to talk about this is a really good place to bring it up. So yes, it will get easier, but only through a whole bunch of work and effort on your part, I hope that's good news on balance!

I also lost my vision about a year ago, I just turned 30 this month. For me personally, I am happier and I have ever been and my previous 29 years fully-sided. I have a new appreciation for life. I am more outgoing for some reason to have a new sense of confidence. I go to a physical, speech, and occupational therapy along with O&M. O&m has been great they've helped me learn how to walk down my fishing dock with my cane, cross main Street and they will be helping me with public transit. I am looking forward to completing although now looking forward to doing it over the winter. I have a very supportive family who I'm so grateful for. I see people in this situation and what we all are experiencing and coping with our vision loss differently. So I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with it, I have just accepted it is what it is. I feel comfort in the back that I've been to the best doctors in my area and they all came to the same conclusion there's no treatment for my condition. So I have just accepted that this is the new me, this is a new chapter of my life and I am going to make the best of it.

I feel ya. I was 37 when my vision loss started and within 6 months I was legally blind. Even though I have some vision remaining and can navigate mostly by sight in well lit environments, it was a difficult period of grief and adjustment. When my dad was in hospice care, they gave us a book about the dying process and the stages of grief and it was incredibly helpful. I realized about two months after my vision loss that I was going through a similar grieving process. It took me nearly a year to process and develop a new baseline normal routine. In retrospect, I should’ve sought mental health counseling.

Not being able to drive, doing certain things in an almost ritualistic manner because it’s required to accommodate vision loss, and getting treated like your someone who just forgot their glasses by those unaware of the severity of your vision loss are all daily frustrations. When I’m at a friend or family members home, something like using their microwave (where’s the bump dots!?!) feels like a bit of a set back and causes frustration. However, I often pause to be thankful because there is so much technology and accommodations available that make me more independent. I wish you the best and assure that while things don’t always necessarily easier or simpler, it does get better.

I was almost 41 when I became legally blind. I’m now almost 44. Honestly I’m still struggling. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it. Sometimes I want to only sleep, cry, and scream but other days are better. Every time I think I’ve properly grieved my vision loss, something happens that seems to put me back at square one. Maybe it’s because my vision is still changing. For example I’ve had a rough past few days due to hemorrhages blocking more of my vision. I sometimes think if I was completely blind already, maybe this process wouldn’t be so difficult.

You are not alone in this. I’m very glad we all have this sub to help each other cope.

My blindness journey began at the age of 39. Nearly one year after I got married and was going on my honeymoon, that is when all of it began for me. We took a cruise for our honeymoon, and once I got back everybody was telling me it was seasickness. The week after we got back I was in the hospital. Two weeks after that I was released from the hospital as a totally blind person. Having going in with 2020 vision for my entire life. This was a sudden, an unexpected change that affected the rest of my life! The depression was there immediately, and it still comes back from time to time. That all occurred in April 2015. Since then I have traveled to Europe, Italy, and Greece.
I am now 46 years old and I can say that I have had the pleasure of taking my granddaughter to Disneyland and walking around with her on my shoulders as a blind person. That was one of my blind bucket list items. That memory will stay with me for the rest of my life. For me part of the process was seeking out a blindness organization that could help me understand this transition. It does help to speak with other blind or visually impaired people such as this forum. If you have the option to do so I would recommend going to a blind a support group. I can say for a fact that I learned quite a bit from other blind people. By loss of sites was a turning point for me where I could sit and wallow in the depression, or I could transform myself into something different than I was before. Someone better than I was before. I have gone back to school as a blind person and completed an associates degree program. I now have gainful employment. It was not an easy road to travel, I understand where you are at. But just remember that it will get better.
As said in the previous messages I will also said that I am available for a DM chat if you would like.
Stay safe

I was 30 when I became legally blind. Driving one day and never again. That was over 20 years ago. I have known since I was a kid that I have a degenerative eye co dition that someday will have me fully blind.
The depression was rough! I kept getting hit over and over with depression because I would grieve and figure out how to do things with my new vision only to have the rug ripped out from under me again within months because my vision had deteriorated more and my "new" adaptive ways wouldn't work again.
Honestly I did a mushroom journey they removed the depression and allowed me to see bright colors again. In that experience I learned to accept and flow with the loss. There have still been some tough times but nothing like before I took the mushrooms.
Feel free to message me.

I work at a non-profit organization called Hadley Institute for the Blind and Visually Impaired, and we offer a number of workshops—for free—that are especially geared toward adults who are experiencing vision loss later in life. You can find us at $1.

One of the workshop series that you might find particularly helpful is called Adjusting to Vision Loss. In this series, Douglas Walker, our director of research and development—who also experiences vision loss—talks about ideas that can help you through the process and get the support you want. There are 4 workshops in this series:

* Coming to Grips with Vision Loss
* Tools for Talking About Vision Loss
* Asking for Help—and Turning it Down, Too
* Partner to Build Skills and Boost Confidence

Many people have reported that the series is not only helpful for their own knowledge, but also for friends and family members.

You can access any and all Hadley workshops by going to the site at $1 and signing up for free. Absolutely everything at Hadley is free to everyone.

There are workshops on hacks for everyday living; recreation, hobbies and crafts; dozens and dozens of helpful and easy-to-understand tech workshops; and more.

Even for people without visual impairment, the tech workshops on using Windows, screen readers, smart phones, the Apple Watch, Echo/Alexa, etc., are incredibly helpful and informative. Oh yeah—and there are workshops on braille, too (that's how the organization started). You can learn to read braille visually and/or tactilely, as well as how to write it. And we offer several online discussion groups on fun topics like crafting, gardening, cooking, travel, exercise, tech tips, etc.

If you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to contact $1, or call 800.323.4238. Or just go to $1 and start exploring!

Hope this is helpful,
\- Margaret