Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Tips for dating a blind person? (self.Blind)
submitted by NaynaRawks
Full disclosure, I’m not blind. I met someone on online dating who happens to be blind and we’re going on a date tomorrow that I’m really looking forward to!
I’m actually going to be picking him up, but I’ve also never met him in person before yet, nor have I ever had a blind person in my life, so I came here to see if anyone had any tips on how to make my date as comfortable as possible. Should I meet him by his door? Should I walk him in and out of my car? How much help is too much help? Any other advice you can think of is also great. Hope this is the right subreddit to ask for this sort of advice, and thanks in advance!
Update: I’d actually like to start off by clarifying that he is in fact completely blind, the only time he can even see any light is if he looks directly at a light source the moment it’s turned on (and it’s only a slight sliver of his left eye), but otherwise it is completely black for him.
As for the actual date, it went really well! I only walked him into a rear view mirror, and I also almost made him trip on a curb because I didn’t think to come at it at a perpendicular angle. Someone here had mentioned something about putting my hand on the back of the chair to help him figure out where it was and he was extremely impressed by that, so thank you!! I did eventually tell him I took to Reddit for advice, but he think I did really well as his guide person for my first time being someone’s guide person, and honestly I have each of you to thank for that!
We got along really well, as usual we never ran out of things to talk about, he did ask me what I look like and I realized I need to practice describing faces and physiques more. Overall, this was overall a very great experience and I can’t wait to learn more.
I’m actually going to be picking him up, but I’ve also never met him in person before yet, nor have I ever had a blind person in my life, so I came here to see if anyone had any tips on how to make my date as comfortable as possible. Should I meet him by his door? Should I walk him in and out of my car? How much help is too much help? Any other advice you can think of is also great. Hope this is the right subreddit to ask for this sort of advice, and thanks in advance!
Update: I’d actually like to start off by clarifying that he is in fact completely blind, the only time he can even see any light is if he looks directly at a light source the moment it’s turned on (and it’s only a slight sliver of his left eye), but otherwise it is completely black for him.
As for the actual date, it went really well! I only walked him into a rear view mirror, and I also almost made him trip on a curb because I didn’t think to come at it at a perpendicular angle. Someone here had mentioned something about putting my hand on the back of the chair to help him figure out where it was and he was extremely impressed by that, so thank you!! I did eventually tell him I took to Reddit for advice, but he think I did really well as his guide person for my first time being someone’s guide person, and honestly I have each of you to thank for that!
We got along really well, as usual we never ran out of things to talk about, he did ask me what I look like and I realized I need to practice describing faces and physiques more. Overall, this was overall a very great experience and I can’t wait to learn more.
Marconius 41 points 1y ago
I wrote my blind dating primer for just this occasion, and I enjoy sending it to people before meeting up with them on a date. Check it out here: $1
NaynaRawks [OP] 6 points 1y ago
You answered pretty much all of my answers in this! I’m for sure saving this for the next person that I meet in my situation, this was so well written!
catpiss_backpack 5 points 1y ago
This is such a useful post, and I really enjoyed your humour too! I will remember this to have at the ready to send to people
DrillInstructorJan 5 points 1y ago
Yeah, that thing about going down the guide's arm to find the chair is something that's such an automatic reflex I didn't even think about it.
NaynaRawks [OP] 3 points 1y ago
I just double checked, you were in fact the one who gave me the advice about using my arm to guide him to the chair, and he was extremely impressed by it! Thank you!
phjb 3 points 1y ago
Thank you for writing this! I have low vision and can relate to your experiences. This would’ve been a pretty useful post to share when I was dating.
LyingSlider7 2 points 1y ago
My screen reader won’t read it and I’m really curious do you mind direct messaging it to me
bondolo 13 points 1y ago
You should assume that they wish to be treated as you would treat others, but you can also ask if you are unsure. If you would normally text a friend to tell them you are parked out front, do that, but tell them ahead that you will be texting when you arrive for them to come out. Remember that they probably use Uber/Lyft and you are not asking them to do anything they wouldn't normally do.
Opening doors for blind people has to done carefully. What may seem like a courtesy can make things worse. For example, when you open a car door for a blind person keep one hand on the sharp corner of the door and say OK when it is time for them to enter the door. A few eyebrows in to door corners have made me very careful about car doors and blind people. Usually I just show the person the correct door and let them navigate it themselves.
If you read the menu, offer to read the section titles, then item titles in those sections along with the prices (unless it is prearranged that you will be paying) and then item descriptions if asked. Don't read every word from start to finish.
Walking together arm in arm completely safely takes practice. When you approach a height transition in the walk such as a curb or stairs you should briefly stop and announce the transition, "Stairs up", "curb down" before proceeding. You will make mistakes and that is OK. I ran my wife in to a sandwichboard sign on our first date, but it can't have been that bad because we are still together 32 years later.
Opening doors for blind people has to done carefully. What may seem like a courtesy can make things worse. For example, when you open a car door for a blind person keep one hand on the sharp corner of the door and say OK when it is time for them to enter the door. A few eyebrows in to door corners have made me very careful about car doors and blind people. Usually I just show the person the correct door and let them navigate it themselves.
If you read the menu, offer to read the section titles, then item titles in those sections along with the prices (unless it is prearranged that you will be paying) and then item descriptions if asked. Don't read every word from start to finish.
Walking together arm in arm completely safely takes practice. When you approach a height transition in the walk such as a curb or stairs you should briefly stop and announce the transition, "Stairs up", "curb down" before proceeding. You will make mistakes and that is OK. I ran my wife in to a sandwichboard sign on our first date, but it can't have been that bad because we are still together 32 years later.
NaynaRawks [OP] 4 points 1y ago
Honestly I didn’t even think about how much of it they already do by themselves. I know it seems silly, but it’s simply something I never had to think about before, so it makes sense that they would already know how to get to their driveway without my help. I also didn’t think about reading prices!! We are going to a place that he is familiar with and that I think he frequents, so I think he already knows roughly about how much he is spending. Thank you for being specific in ways I can be helpful!
DrillInstructorJan 3 points 1y ago
The signboard thing is a sign of affection.
blazblu82 13 points 1y ago
First off, good on you for giving him a chance! As a 39m who's on the road to eventual blindness and single, you give me hope that there are women out there who see beyond the disabilities!
I can't offer much advice other than be yourself. If he's accustomed to being blind (born with it or been with it for a long time) good chance he may not need as much help as you think he might think.
Hopefully others will chime in. I'm curious to know how this pans out.
I can't offer much advice other than be yourself. If he's accustomed to being blind (born with it or been with it for a long time) good chance he may not need as much help as you think he might think.
Hopefully others will chime in. I'm curious to know how this pans out.
Desperate_Sand5658 11 points 1y ago
I met my blind partner on a dating app too!!
Honestly, he will probably let you know everything you need to know. At first, my partner would tell me he was going to grab my right arm specifically, or he'd ask me to lead him somewhere.
If I'm ever talking about an object nearby, I ask him if he wants to hold it or feel it.
I hope everything works out for you!! Don't overthink any of it!
Honestly, he will probably let you know everything you need to know. At first, my partner would tell me he was going to grab my right arm specifically, or he'd ask me to lead him somewhere.
If I'm ever talking about an object nearby, I ask him if he wants to hold it or feel it.
I hope everything works out for you!! Don't overthink any of it!
Desperate_Sand5658 8 points 1y ago
That said tho!!! Do point out when there's a curb or something in their way
DrillInstructorJan 9 points 1y ago
Well I can't talk for anyone else so all this applies to me, but I suspect a lot of it is pretty universal. Bear in mind most blind people are not totally blind (I am, I'm unusual)
Be straightforward. It's your first time meeting a blind person, it's not his first time being blind. If he's anything like me he's heard every awkward question, every obvious question not asked. The most refreshing thing is when someone just says "Er, okay, how do we do this?" when we hit some new situation. Something I think pretty much everyone with sight issues does, a lot, is explain what the procedure is in various situations, and it is totally normal. If he's meeting you for date he doesn't want you to feel awkward (it's a date!) so... if stuff comes up you need to know, just ask.
Most experienced blind people are totally aware you are standing there thinking "oh god, should I help or not" and will open with "OK, can I just grab an elbow while we get to the car," and I'd take your arm and you'd walk to the car, ideally bearing in mind there's someone on your right side who will just smash into anything that's in the way. I'd have the cane out while we did that because frankly I won't trust you at that stage.
He might not want to do that, he might not need to do that, he might wait at the gate, he might cane his way to the car, he might have a dog. I'd pull the car door open myself because guess what, that way I can tell which way the car is pointing... yes that is a thing. But I'm very very blind, he may not be quite that blind.
If I start putting the cane away later, that's a sign I'm getting the impression you're not going to walk me into a chair/spike pit/vat of acid. Feel accomplished.
Be straightforward. It's your first time meeting a blind person, it's not his first time being blind. If he's anything like me he's heard every awkward question, every obvious question not asked. The most refreshing thing is when someone just says "Er, okay, how do we do this?" when we hit some new situation. Something I think pretty much everyone with sight issues does, a lot, is explain what the procedure is in various situations, and it is totally normal. If he's meeting you for date he doesn't want you to feel awkward (it's a date!) so... if stuff comes up you need to know, just ask.
Most experienced blind people are totally aware you are standing there thinking "oh god, should I help or not" and will open with "OK, can I just grab an elbow while we get to the car," and I'd take your arm and you'd walk to the car, ideally bearing in mind there's someone on your right side who will just smash into anything that's in the way. I'd have the cane out while we did that because frankly I won't trust you at that stage.
He might not want to do that, he might not need to do that, he might wait at the gate, he might cane his way to the car, he might have a dog. I'd pull the car door open myself because guess what, that way I can tell which way the car is pointing... yes that is a thing. But I'm very very blind, he may not be quite that blind.
If I start putting the cane away later, that's a sign I'm getting the impression you're not going to walk me into a chair/spike pit/vat of acid. Feel accomplished.
xmachinaxxx 7 points 1y ago
As everyone has said already, the best advice is to be yourself! You can let him know up front that he can ask you for any help if he needs it, otherwise just be cool lol. Update us on how it goes!
dfendt 6 points 1y ago
My dad is blind, lost his sight even before he met my mom.
I would say there's two major things:
1. The worst thing you can do is treat him like a kid, an elderly with a broken hip, a cracked vase, or whatever.
2. Be yourself, give him room (and time) to be himself and if you're unsure about something then ask - he's just a regular person who happens to have the worst eyesight ever. Both of you wants to have a good time and a simple question can make anything simpler/more pleasant.
Small things can go a long way, like tapping on the car door so he can orient himself, ask if he want to go arm-in-arm, hang is coat, ask if he wants a refill.
As for your questions. Meet him at the door? Yes, like you would with a non-blind person too ;) walk him to the car? Yes, since your already at his door, not going at the same time would be awkward. Jokes aside, as I wrote before, ask if he wants to go arm-in-arm.
And yes, it's okay to move the drinking glass a little bit if he waves his hands a lot when he talks at the table :P
I would say there's two major things:
1. The worst thing you can do is treat him like a kid, an elderly with a broken hip, a cracked vase, or whatever.
2. Be yourself, give him room (and time) to be himself and if you're unsure about something then ask - he's just a regular person who happens to have the worst eyesight ever. Both of you wants to have a good time and a simple question can make anything simpler/more pleasant.
Small things can go a long way, like tapping on the car door so he can orient himself, ask if he want to go arm-in-arm, hang is coat, ask if he wants a refill.
As for your questions. Meet him at the door? Yes, like you would with a non-blind person too ;) walk him to the car? Yes, since your already at his door, not going at the same time would be awkward. Jokes aside, as I wrote before, ask if he wants to go arm-in-arm.
And yes, it's okay to move the drinking glass a little bit if he waves his hands a lot when he talks at the table :P
NaynaRawks [OP] 5 points 1y ago
Thank you! Small things like that are definitely things that I would have overthought honestly, so that’s very helpful for me!
dfendt 2 points 1y ago
No problem. I hope you have an amazing time!
chat128 5 points 1y ago
You could just ask him if he wants help with anything
SoapyRiley 4 points 1y ago
Don’t do what my wife does and take steps backward into him. Usually happens when she’s turned to talk to someone else…like our realtor last night and now I’m behind her instead of beside her. Before I was visually impaired I never realized how often humans adjust our positions while standing.
WorldlyLingonberry40 4 points 1y ago
Its okay to ask questions about blindness, but like in any other date a variety of topics should be discussed. Music, books, favorite Christmas movies to watch... Don't be afraid or wierded out if you say a normal word such as watch, even if we are blind.
NaynaRawks [OP] 3 points 1y ago
While I have been very curious about a lot of his day to day tasks as a blind person, we’ve had plenty of other things to talk about too. I haven’t even met him yet and I spent almost all my free time on the phone with him yesterday, and we haven’t run out of things to talk about. I definitely have been trying to make the note that being blind isn’t his whole personality.
Also, I thankfully got a decent start at etiquette for talking to someone with a disability at a previous job, so I did know that it’s okay to say things like “see you later!” Or “what tv shows do you like to watch?”
Also, I thankfully got a decent start at etiquette for talking to someone with a disability at a previous job, so I did know that it’s okay to say things like “see you later!” Or “what tv shows do you like to watch?”
thumpetto007 2 points 1y ago
I teared up at this! You are going to be so beautiful together :) enjoy eachother and the funny little misshaps as you learn to literally and figuratively navigate the world together.
Im kind of wondering if going out with a blind person is actually a leg up, or some unknown cheat code for a good date... Like isnt it going to be full of communication and some type of intimacy and trust exercises simply by design? What better way to fall in love or become close friends?
Im kind of wondering if going out with a blind person is actually a leg up, or some unknown cheat code for a good date... Like isnt it going to be full of communication and some type of intimacy and trust exercises simply by design? What better way to fall in love or become close friends?
bradley22 1 points 1y ago
That's awesome!
Arlenna1 2 points 1y ago
Love all the comments here. I myself typically date a lot of sighted men and I have to say my best advice is just ask. Ask if he wants help with this or that, he'll let you know. I prefer that method because over helping makes me very nervous and then I become a clutz lol.
No-Satisfaction7842 2 points 1y ago
The fact that you’ve come here seeking advice tells me this dude is already a lucky guy. That’s so awesome and forward thinking that you want to be accommodating and as understanding as possible
NaynaRawks [OP] 3 points 1y ago
I was so excited for this date! Not gonna lie, it may not have been the purest thing for me to be so excited though? I want to go for a masters degree in occupational therapy and I’m in school right now, not even having taken any coursework specific to OT yet. Like he was a super cool person, and at bare minimum we’re going to be friends because I don’t want anything less from him (I’m still trying to figure out how much I like him like him, I’m still getting to know him after all). I also was totally stoked about getting to learn how to adapt to someone’s needs like that too though because that is my dream career, I felt like if an an average guitarist got to perform a concert with their favorite band. I hope that doesn’t make me look bad for being excited about that, but it is something I can’t wait to do more of for sure.
No-Satisfaction7842 2 points 1y ago
That’s great! It’s not easy to make new friends as adults so if that’s what comes of this experience that’s still a win. :) Wishing you all the best
ABlindManPlays 2 points 1y ago
Don't leave the plunger in the toilet.
NaynaRawks [OP] 7 points 1y ago
I mean that’s good advice in general, but what kind of monster would do that??
thumpetto007 1 points 1y ago
XD
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