Does anyone else sometimes feel like a burden to their family due to their blindness and the fact they can’t drive?(self.Blind)
submitted by kentuckychicken1987
Sometimes I start thinking I’m a burden to my parents due to my blindness, the main reason being that they have to drive me every place I go when they more than likely shouldn’t since I don’t have a drivers license and I don’t know if I ever will. I just turned 19 and I still do not drive when by now I should have a full license at my age. What makes this issue particularly agonizing and sleep depriving is the fact that I’ve grown up a major car enthusiast, I love hot rods, muscle cars etc. But it always feels like when I go to car meets and show and shines like I’m just being teased, I can see this stuff from afar but can never own or drive the stuff I love. Does anyone else feel this way? I hope I’m not the only one who does
Yvinaire17 points1y ago
You are definitely not the only one. I especially feel this way since I live in a rural area with the closest bus stop being an hour walk away. Which, in spring or early fall isn't an issue, but in 110+ degree summer weather or below freezing winter weather is unsafe.
I also have to have rides from my grandmother or friends, and nothing has strained my self esteem as much as being unable to drive and feeling like a burden to my friends and family. So you are not alone, if that helps at all.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]8 points1y ago
At least someone knows the feeling
Yvinaire9 points1y ago
Just remember that you are not actually a burden. It may feel that way, and be hard to not feel that way, but if they are agreeing to help you, then they want to. If they try to hold it against you? Disown them. When someone says yes, they should be ready to stick through it. You are not a mind reader, and if someone is giving mixed signals, that is their problem.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]3 points1y ago
Well if I’m being honest my mom is rather pessimistic and says that I won’t drive, but my dad will tell me that maybe one day medical technology will improve and I would drive. This isn’t really to do with my parents, it’s more to do with my mind being mentally ill. Thanks for telling me I’m not a burden. It’s comforting to know that
Yvinaire7 points1y ago
I appreciate your dad's way of thinking. I too cannot wait for self-driving cars haha! But again, you are a being of worth. A disability, nor mental illness, makes you terrible or unworthy of love and respect. I wish you all the best and if you need some to talk, my DMs are open!
No-Satisfaction78426 points1y ago
My wife and I just got in a bit of an argument today about this very thing in fact. Sometimes I feel like she gets irritated when I ask her to take me somewhere. I understand that although driving is a privilege, people who can do it still don’t always want to do it, and it’s not always fun etc. but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t fully understand that I don’t have that privilege. I think people take it for granted
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]2 points1y ago
Very true
cebeezly826 points1y ago
As someone who is super respectful and would walk 45 miles, which I've actually done, than ask for a ride I have to break something to you. You will find out how many beautiful people are the biggest pieces of shit that will make you push your baby down the interstate in negative 25 degree blizzards than give you a ride. Goes for family, people you thought were your friends, grandmas, doesn't matter. I understand that a lot of people don't like to drive, but damn people are weird about it. I'm 39 years old with two kids, and my advice is to make sure you thrive to move somewhere that has awesome sidewalks and public transit that doesn't take hours to get somewhere 16 minutes away. My wife was always in denial and wanted to live around our family who really never came by because of the ride crap, and it ended up setting us back 15 years in life. This was in a huge city that took 3.5 hours to get to Walmart or work for just one way. After years finally convinced her to move to an awesome college town with buses that run late with sidewalks everywhere. We all flourished and bought a house which is pretty good for blind folks. Not being negative, but it's best to not be in denial like we were for so many years. Save your get a ride free card for job interviews if you can. It gets awkward going to interviews even when taking Uber or buses. Don't ask how I know. lol
xmachinaxxx6 points1y ago
Absolutely. Just as I lost my ability to drive, my youngest son gained his license so he’s spent a lot of time driving me around when I know he’d rather be doing other things.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]2 points1y ago
What a fine young man you have!
[deleted]5 points1y ago
[deleted]
reddit-and-regret-it4 points1y ago
My husband is blind, I am the driver. He contributes to the family in so many other ways. We have our division of labour, and driving is part of mine.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]1 points1y ago
Aww that’s awesome to hear, glad he gets to contribute in areas he can
fanofthefollowing4 points1y ago
I feel that way often, even if my family says otherwise. Where's my star trek transporter?
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]3 points1y ago
Lol where’s my TARDIS? :p
Simply_Limeade4 points1y ago
I feel this. I don't know if the feeling ever goes away. You get reminded every time that you can't drive home from work. Or go pick up the kids from school. Or help in the driving on road trips. And you're always gonna have that car or thing you wish you could drive. But just can't. Sorry if I'm being depressing. I don't know how to words. Just trying to say you aren't alone. Also my wife just said our blindness doesn't make us a burden. So there we have it.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]2 points1y ago
That point about helping on road trips is sooo true. My dad often wishes I could help drive, I’m in much better physical shape than him, but sadly I can’t at the moment
itsablindgurlthing3 points1y ago
I absolutely understand that feeling. I’ve never had a drivers license. I now live in a place that has zero public transportation. I only get that way once or twice a year and I know that the people who take me places do so because they want too! Oh my gosh I’m a big gear head. I lost it for a few years and I’m very sad that I did. Don’t let your love of cars in any shape become lost to you. I promise you’ll regret it. I’ve meet a few fully blind mechanics in my life and I’m just now starting to learn again after not having anything to do with cars for any reason. My husband and I are actually opening a garage. I can tell you I’m starting small work when I can do what I can and listen and ask as many questions as possible to be able to get to where I want to be. Message me if you ever feel like chatting! I wish I could say it’ll get better but I can’t but what I will say is when it comes to cars eyes or no eyes amazing things can be done.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]2 points1y ago
Wish you all the best!!! And no I don’t think I’ll lose my interest in the car scene, not since I know so many of my friends from it :))
DrillInstructorJan3 points1y ago
There are quite a few people (who can see fine) who think that not being able to drive is the worst thing about not being able to see. Personally, I find not being able to read is way more of a pain on a day to day basis so I guess on that level I don't quite think of it the same way. Also I'm not a guy so I guess I don't have the fast cars thing! I had driving for about six months and honestly the actual experience of doing it is nothing to write home about. Driving a big fast sports car along a spectacular road by the beach is only in the commercials. Mostly it's waiting at traffic lights and being careful about pulling out in front of someone else. Real world driving is a chore.
What I would say is that not being able to drive costs me a freaking fortune and not only in terms of endless cabs and ubers. Cabs can be better because after a short while the company will start to know who you are and that they really need to turn up on time and at the right place and that you might need some help to get on board. Still this is the main reason why I say being blind is a very expensive way to live. The other reason it's expensive is that I constantly turn down work when I just feel like I can't get there in any reasonable way and that sucks a lot more. Spending money on transportation is money spent with a purpose. Just turning down work because I can't get there has no upside and just sucks.
rebbystiltskin193 points1y ago
Yes. Ive never had my licence but I had an ex (when my vision was good) that made me asking him to take me somewhere shameful and a burden. My current SO swears he doesn't mind but I know he does sometimes and it hurts
OddRedd3 points1y ago
I'm sorry to read that. It's a problem that could absolutely be alleviated by infrastructure. I am very lucky to have been born in Switzerland where public transport is absolutely amazing. I know a lot of people with perfect vision who don't even bother to get a drivers license because they don't see the point. That is one of the few points where I do not feel that restricted by my disability.
PrincessDie1233 points1y ago
I feel this way sometimes but it helps being in a place where I can use Uber, Lyft, And public transit, everywhere else I try to walk if I can. I used to live in a place so rural that there was no public transit or rides, we didn’t even have taxis where I grew up and the nearest supermarket was at least an hours drive away.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]3 points1y ago
Wow, that’s pretty crazy even to just think about
Blindj3di3 points1y ago
I have been losing my vision since I was 5. I had a driver's license until a few years ago. The state revoked my license when I went passed legally blind. I hate having to burden my family with having to take me places. I mostly try to take public transportation or Uber. I have 2 young kids as well, and it's really hard not being to help pick them up from school. I try not to let it get me down, but I am grateful for the time I was able to drive and have that independence for the time that I did have.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]1 points1y ago
Good way to go about life
blazblu823 points1y ago
I do at times. I'm 39 years old and spent about a year getting rides with coworkers to get to work. They'll tell me it's not a problem to my face, but say otherwise behind my back making me look bad.
When August came, my only good eye was good enough to get a car and drive myself. That lasted a solid 2 months before that eye had a hemorrhage. Now I have a vehicle I'm waiting to get registered that I can't drive. Not only that, it's a manual and no one else can drive it and it has to be inspected prior to registration.
Outside of work, my folks are the only family I have to rely on to get around. Otherwise, I find myself getting stuck at home for long periods of time. I have my own place and live alone, too.
I have advanced retinopathy which was dx'd about 3 years ago and it has progressed so fast, I haven't been able to adjust fir it. The whole situation just sucks.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]2 points1y ago
Boy does it ever suck
Quinton11101 points1y ago
Being stuck at home constantly? That's my life!
Fridux3 points1y ago
Personally I don't relate, as I've been the provider in my family ever since I found my first job at 17, and at 24 I moved out to a place close to work so I never had to drive anywhere. Since going totally blind shortly before my 32nd birthday that I rarely go out and live off disability benefits so I don't feel that I'm a burden to my family either, especially since in my closest family, only my niece has a driving license, but she doesn't have her own car so she can't drive me anywhere anyway.
thatawkwardcosplayer3 points1y ago
Felt this hard. I don’t have contact w parents nor partners so I rely on nice co workers to drive me home for closing shifts. Absolutely feel awful even though I give a buck or two for gas.
Simply_Limeade2 points1y ago
Relatable. But end up walking a lot and it gives me so much anxiety every time.
thatawkwardcosplayer2 points1y ago
I felt that!! Especially w the fact that all the crosswalks where I live don’t have beeps or noises like wtf!!
Simply_Limeade2 points1y ago
Right! Same. The one crosswalk I have to cross is on a busy road. And it also doesn't have sound or light for that matter. So I can't even attempt to see what color the walk sign is by me. Just going by the flow of traffic. It's terrifying. Be great if better infrastructure could be dealt with.
thatawkwardcosplayer1 points1y ago
Felt that so fucking hard!! When will they finally put in actual infrastructure smh
[deleted]2 points1y ago
I feel this most of the time. I got a divorce from my family when they threw me out 20-odd years ago, but every partner I have ever been with has reminded me in ways large and small how lucky I am to have them to drive. And just recently I was rejected because I can't. I've been told that I'm a loser because I can't drive. Things like that.
In my last relationship, I was stuck in a tiny apartment 20 miles from town. I found a job in a bigger city, one that would allow me to assert my independence and get around using cabs/paratransit (I can't use regular buses because of hearing difficulties which don't allow me to follow traffic patterns.) She told me I should just wait there until she finished her two year course of study, then we could go together. Meanwhile, I was feeling so trapped and hemmed in, and she had to come take time out of her studies to come drive me to town so I could do something as simple as buy groceries. You should be willing to sacrifice, is what she told me. I'm sorry, but i wasn't going to buy that. So I moved up here, and I get around again with the cabs and uber and paratransit. I don't have to rely on someone else to take time out of their day to take me places, or be reminded how lucky I am they can do so. If I want to go out for pancakes, I don't have to feel guilty for asking them to drive. The constant, you're a loser for not driving, is wearing on you though.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]1 points1y ago
Bro I feel that so hard, I’m so sorry that some people couldn’t give you the compassion you so very much deserve
MostlyBlindGamer2 points1y ago
I guess? My family is a burden to me, because they don't "get computers" and can't DIY home repairs. We're all better and worse at different things and the expectation that every single human being should operate their own motor vehicle is dangerous, unsustainable and, frankly absurd.
You can use public transit, taxis and ride sharing, as well as car-pooling with friends, colleagues and coworkers.
As far as being an enthusiast, I sim race. I don't know anybody who's ever driven a Porsche 962, but I've put a ton of hours into one. Too blind for sim racing? Get Forza Horizon 5 on Xbox or PC - it's the most blind friendly driving game yet.
By the way, I own a car. I don't drive it, but I do own it. Lots of people own yachts and can't sail them themselves.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]2 points1y ago
Ayyy Forza is lit
MostlyBlindGamer2 points1y ago
Right? Unapologetic automotive silliness.
Forza Motorsport can't hold a candle to a proper sim though.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]2 points1y ago
I mean Forza’s all I’ve been able to get lol
MostlyBlindGamer2 points1y ago
Yeah, fair enough, and I'm glad to have it.
bippitybobbitybooby2 points1y ago
Speaking as a mother of three sons who have never been able to drive: it is not a burden.
kescba2 points1y ago
You should rather use time on finding other interests, im 31 and have either no license to drive and thats fine for me. I use public transportation to get around, you should maby consider having an guidedog or what they are called, but im not sure how affected your blindness is limiting you. \- I hope the best for you and merry christmas ;-)
no i dont feel like a stone in the shoe for my family, if my blindness is a problem for them, then they should get some help.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]1 points1y ago
I’m blind in my right eye, can see fine out of my left, and I do have other hobbies lol
Also Merry Christmas to you too! :))
Vicorin2 points1y ago
Feel that way sometimes, but mostly just want the freedom of driving. Cruising down an open highway seems exhilarating.
kentuckychicken1987 [OP]1 points1y ago
Ugh Ikr
Wendy_corduroy201 points1y ago
First off you are not alone. I think every person who can’t drive feels this way. It is hard to feel like a burden. The best advice I can give is try to get a job or on government assistance so you can hopefully one day afford an Uber or Lyft. This can help but it’s still hard not being able to drive. I get really sad. I have friends that are in wheelchairs that can drive cars and it’s extremely isolating because most people with disabilities can’t drive but we are the lucky ones who can’t. It’s really frustrating and it’s easy to get jealous. That would be hard to be a car enthusiast and not be able to drive. You could maybe join a few car communities online and go to a few meet ups and ask to be a passenger in some of those school cars. I know it’s not the same but maybe sitting in it especially if it’s a classic car and hearing the sound the car makes could help. Or if it’s in a parking lot you could ask if someone would be willing to let you drive the car around in a parking lot with their supervision in the passenger seat. Yes this advice is not perfect by a long shot but maybe it could help scratch that itch that you have for cars. You could also work on them and be a mechanic and help people with their passions. I have heard of blind mechanics. I’m not sure how easy or difficult it would be.
Also sorry for the errors. I am using dictation and I am too lazy to fix everything lol!
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