Went into the girls toilet at school once around 10 years ago and was understandably told where I was. Went down the corridor to the boys toilet to find my female blind friend at the sinks.

Know what nobody tells you gets harder when you go blind? Eating a salad at a restaurant. My family went to a nice cafe to celebrate my brother's birthday. Trying to be more health-conscious, I ordered a nice salad. I quickly discovered that two of my favorite things about a salad had betrayed me and become my worst enemy. Cherry tomatoes and croutons. I proceed to make a total fool of myself trying to stab this tomato that kept rolling around as I tried to spear it. Giving up after a really embarrassing number of tries, I found a crouton and gave it a frustrated jab. The glancing hit set the overzealous bread piece skyward off of the lip of my bowl, only returning to Earth after it had cleared table, aisle, and dividing wall to slam into something glass on a table nearby.


I now order finger food. And I have sworn off croutons.

About nine months in, I was in our crappy university student digs kitchen washing up a cereal bowl that was almost exactly hemi spherical in shape. So, I applied dishwashing liquid and flipped on the water, which was really powerful. The jet of water went down one side of the bowl, curved neatly all the way around the bottom, up the other side and fired itself directly up my nose. When you can't see it coming this really sucks, and I was standing there trying to clear the soap out of my sinuses and not cough up my own lungs when I heard the other four occupants of our student accommodation laughing themselves sick. Apparently it had looked exactly like something that would happen to Wily Coyote in a road runner cartoon and my standing there spluttering indignantly had put the icing on the cake.

I then had a very severe sense of humour failure and concentrated very hard on hating being a cripple for about a month. Thundercloud above head with zaps of lightning, hiding in my room, refusing help from everyone, you name it, I was a moron about it.

So it was already funny to everyone else. For it to become funny to me you have to wait until the end of that academic year at which point everyone I knew had become tremendously protective of me around any form of crockery. Watch out Jan, cereal bowl. Careful, that one's got a pair of salad tongs in it! Oh noes, catering students with industrial cookware, what're we going to do! In the end, making fun of myself for that became a very big part of being able to deal with the rest of it. The fact that they laughed wasn't bad, it was good, because it meant I could still be part of stuff.

To this day it is an in joke among me and the people I still know from that time that I have a phobia of kitchenware.

God I love those people and wow that got personal.

As a teenager I attended a summer work experience program for blind/visually impaired kids. We were staying in a dormitory and I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. As I was standing there doing my thing, another student wandered in, unzipped his pants and proceeded to pee down the back of my legs. I said something and he said “oh no I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry!” I just quickly said “it’s OK,” washed up and rushed out of there. I didn’t want him to feel bad so I didn’t want him to figure out who it was. Nothing was ever said of that incident again LOL

My wife is mesmerized by the back and forth motion of my cane. She can't stop watching it when we're out somewhere. She finds it hypnotic and can't stop staring. Sometimes instead of her leading me it feels like the cane is leading her.

Most of the time this is okay, but the road in front of the dance club we go to on weekends is under construction and we have to park a couple blocks away. I don't mind, I enjoy walking. But it's a residential neighborhood we park in, with lots of trees. And I'm a tall guy.

My cane tells me what's ahead on the ground but I need my wife to tell me where the low hanging branches are. She forgets to take her eyes off of the sweeping tip of my cane and doesn't look up. BAM! Every single weekend it happens. We show up at the door to the club looking like she beat the snot outta me.

Walking into the YMCA being asked if I’m here to apply for the advertised life guard position with my cane

I was in a bar with my girlfriend one time and we sat down at the bar stools. She went off to do something, I can't remember what, and I got distracted talking to the barman. Some time had passed and I heard someone sit down next to me with a similar movement to my girlfriend, so I leaned over and kissed them on the cheek.


It was not my girlfriend XD

My family likes to try to scare me sometimes. It’s all in good fun but sometimes I’m not in the mood and I’ll get upset about it. I can’t remember exactly what it was, maybe just some clothes or a shadow, but I noticed it in the room and thought it was one of my sons lying in wait to scare me. I kept talking out loud to it like, “oh you think you got me huh? I know you’re there!” You guessed it, there was no one there. I felt so stupid and when I told them about it they couldn’t stop laughing. It was pretty funny though.

On a NYC street, I threw an empty water bottle toward a trash can. Except it wasn't a trash can, it was a lady in dark clothes who was crouching down for some reason. My way of smoothing it over: "Oh my god so sorry! I thought you were a trash can!"

Not blind but my vision has definitely started to decrease in my peripherals. On said edges I have a tendency to catch a glimpse of movement before it disappears and without thinking will always walk straight into the object. Probably the funniest is walking my service dog/guide dog in training into a sign post last week because I over-corrected and smacked his face into the sign post. 3 month old german shepherd for the record, I was carrying him home because it is Canada and he was cold.

I was standing in a hallway once in university, talking to a friend and not paying attention to what was going on around me, when one of my professors quickly came up and enthusiastically grabbed me by the arm on my blind side, because he was excited to show me something. The friend I was with later confirmed that he'd called my name several times as he came walking over, I just hadn't been paying attention and it caught me completely off-guard.

It turns out my instinctive reaction to being suddenly and aggressively grabbed on my blind side is to throw a punch.

Fortunately, the professor had good reflexes and ended up taking my punch to the shoulder and not the throat.

We both felt awful about what we had each done and also found the whole thing hilarious.

My husband tried to drink a candle. We were at a restaurant where they had one of these little mood candles on the table but hadn’t lit it yet, so he mistook it for his drink. Still laugh when I think about it!

Also, I totally relate with your waving story LOL. What gets me more often than not is somebody will walk by and say hi seemingly in my direction. I will say hi back to them only to find out that they were talking to somebody else or on their cell phone. Oh well.
Related to this is when I stumble into what I think is a person, offer an apology only to find out it was a chair or some other in adamant object.

Lol, that waving story is hilarious. Reminds me of the time a few years ago where I was hosting an advocacy event through the city for a bunch of school age kids. I was right next to a teenager, and she left to do something. I was standing right next to a massive concrete polar bear statue that was about her height. I just randomly started conversation and was sitting there talking to that polar bear for like 4 minutes right in front of a bunch of people. When there was no response I stuck my hand up and felt the bear and was like oh god. Don't get me started on the laps I've sat on, chairs I've missed, theater pits I've fell in in front of people, being blind in jail and juvenile detention, getting into fights, and some of the craziest funny things one could ever imagine. I could right a book. Hell I was even homeless for a year and living off the land in Alabama where I ended up in a gay sex cult that exploited minors. Was homeless in one of the top 10 largest cities in the US for 6 months as well before Alabama. Never forget the time I was depressed and was walking around the city drunk where I heard a roaring crowd of people lined up to go into what sounded like a cool bar. Just followed my ears to wait in line. Got to the door and found out it was all you can drink all night for 5 bucks, and that it was the buns in the basket contest which sounded fun too. Got my cup and sipped on after practically crowd surfing to a spot near the bar. Come to find out it was a gay strip club, where the buns in a basket contest was where a dude took a bath and shower in a see through thong while people through dollar bills at them. I'm 39 and this is only a one twentieth of the madness and hilarity of my life. I'm a social worker now and help people with disabilities avoid shit like this.

Just a few months ago I was riding to the hospital with my dad. I had an early morning angiogram, and he volunteered to take me. As we were driving, I heard the GPS say " second right on the roundabout." I then felt my dad turn left, and heard the car behind us frantically honking. I then tell my dad "hey were are going the wrong way." I had to shout "dad we're going the wrong way turn around!"

He said he was impressed that I saw it, to which I replied "I didn't, but I was paying attention!"

That same trip I also managed to walk into a tree. Damn you low hanging trees over sidewalks, damn you!

About 2 weeks ago, I was talking with my partner and I had jokingly said something about me being a cyclops, and she responded by saying "Well you're my cyclops".

Apologizing to a lamppost after I walked into it

Yes, I’ve done this. I have no concept of spatial awareness basically, so I have no idea what I’m near or far away from something. I want to actually did break my middle finger because I slammed it against a wall so hard. I thought it was further away and I was reaching for a chair. Yeah, let’s just say I missed the chair.

Mistaked my internet router as my cat once…

Here's a story I always tell that I think is funny. I was out with the guys at a restaurant chain that shall remain nameless. I was like 80% certain that this restaurant chain had a Braille menu, so I politely asked the server for one. The server looks at me with a gaze so blank even I can see it and says "Braille? Braille? What's that again? Is that the menu with all the healthy alternatives on it?" I respond: "No. It's the menu with all the little dots." I was just very surprised at someone my own age not knowing or being able to guess what Braille was.

When I was in a summer program they took us to this expensive mall near the university we were staying at. Me and my friend walked into the Louis Vuitton store because we were curious. These two little kids started talking to each other about us loud enough so we could hear them. They said something along the lines of us being too poor to even step into the store. Although they might have been right we still felt disrespected. Being the reasonable teenagers we were, we started talking about them loud enough so they could hear us. We said something about them using their dads money and we called the stuff there too cheap for us. After saying all that we started walking out to have the last words. I ran right into the display window on my way out. To make matters worse, the camp counselors left us behind at the mall. We had to take an hour bus ride home.

Got a thing called rp ( Retintus pigmentosa ). Not fully blind yet but side effects are night blindness and black spots in vision.

Went to the movies a little late. Lights where down. No employee to guide me like I normal. Sat in a dudes lap in the movie theater. Didnt even see him. Worse part is. Spilled the popcorn on a person infront of me with how quick I jumped up.

My favourite mishap was when I'd arrived to a friend's birthday holding a case of beer. I heard they were sat out the back and I saw the open back doorway. With case in hand and a big stride, I walked through the doorway yelling "Happy birthday". Turns out there was a fly screen and I'd kicked it off into the group of people. Surprise!

Do you mean like when the bank teller handed my paycheck back because i endorsed the wrong end, Or the time at Golden Corral I put tartar sauce on my salad, or maybe Everytime someone starts talking to me as though I know them, but i have no idea who they are, so I just play along. Putting my fave 6 inches from a sign to try and read it, especially when it's the bathroom, that little skirt on the ladies room sign is hell. My favorite is whenever someone tries to show me something on their phone like pictures or videos, whatever and I pretend that im actually looking.

Was with my friend who used a wheelchair; I said., “Look it’s the blind leading the crippled!”

My funny moments:

That time my friends told this new guy that I am a blind, and He thought they were joking. He proceeds to test me by showing fingers, and, wonder of wonders, I guess the correct fingers! It was hard time convincing him about my blindness afterwards.

I have also called people thinking they are someone else, have spoken to hanging clothes, backs of people, pillers, cars, mirrors, mannequins, trees etc, thinking they were people.

Another time, I was scared of biting a food item and spilling all the inside stuffing, so proceeded to put entire thing in my mouth, wasn't that funny to me at that time, but was funny to others I am told.

I am also very scared of street dogs. So this one time I was walking down the road, accidentally stepped on a street dog, He yelps out in a very loud manner, I turn back and run, thinking that the dog is now going to run and bite me, accept he runs away in the opozit direction.

Once I was walking with my sighted friend, but I somehow ended up crashing in to a lady, she was angry, grabs me angryly, stopping the crowds, asked "Are you blind?". Me thinking that as I don't look like a blind person from my eyes, showing her white cane would be the best solution, proceeded to take out my cane from the bag, accept the lady runs away probably thinking it's a weppon or something.

At work in a fitting room and a clothing store and the bathrooms are right there so I will say hi to everyone that comes into the fitting room area even if their coworkers and I don’t know and I will ask my coworkers if they are looking for a fitting room to try stuff on lol! Also one time I poured orange juice into my cereal because the gallon of milk and a gallon of orange juice looked identical and I was tired lol! One time I tried curling my hair and instead of putting in hairspray I accidentally sprayed spray on sunscreen. Needless to say I reeked of sunscreen that day

There are a few funny moments.
One particularly good one was when I did my Certificate of Proficiency in English (the highest of the Cambridge certificates). As part of my special accommodation, a had a lovely lady from the language centre accompany me through the different parts all day. For the speaking part, we had to go to another building and she so fascinatedly watched me navigating with my cane that she didn‘t see a small bump or something and tripped. I held out me cane to her and we had a good laugh.

Another time, I was at a summer camp for visually impaired people. There was a wall/fence around the campus (not really high) and I think one opening on each end. One evening a friend and I wanted to go to town, but couldn‘t seem to find the way, so we climbed over the thing. I have enough vision to recognise that when we came back through the proper entrance that can‘t have been far from where we had climbed over.

On the summer camp a year later our friend group got lost in town. On our way back, we walked up a hill somehow and figured we had the go down. So we walked through trees and bushes to find ourselves on the back of the accommodation. It escapes me how that detour seemed right to us.