Thank you. I’ve tried to say what I can to suggest that his lifestyle is exacerbating his depression and that he’s only getting temporary relief. He usually says I’m being an asshole and to stop judging him. He’s got some tough walls up and although we consider each other brothers I’m at a point now where I can’t really be around him or associate with him. He’s the only one that can get himself to change his path and he doesn’t want to do that, but I can’t put the weight of that on myself any longer.

Thank you for your kindness, have a wonderful day.

As a follow up to this, did you have people you could talk out your feelings as your vision loss progressed? My best friend in college was at 10-15%, and my biggest regret was not letting him know that he could talk to me about anything he was feeling, anytime. We lost him in his second year of college when the computer science dept said they didnt recommend continuing. His family said he had a long history of major depressive disorder that he never discussed with our friends or me. Other circumstances also contributed, but what I wish I did was continue to let him know he can share anything, and show my love for him more clearly.

Something that made him really happy was when I described stuff I noticed that day in a funny way over the phone or in text. I started looking for more “small treasures” to share with him, like how shadows overlapped to create a shape, or how a bit of light coming through moss and fog made little stripes in the air. Or a particularly goofy dog. Maybe your friend does not want any reminders of his life before he had significant vision loss. My friend enjoyed knowing that there was beauty everywhere, and I dont think many people made an effort to share the small tiny visual joys with him. I also asked him a lot of questions about what he could hear where he was, how far away he could notice sounds. While you cannot make your friend stop partying and accept what is happening in his life, you can help him notice some of the beauty in the world and that there are many ways to notice and process information beyond vision.

And maybe I also directed the convos more than necessary? Maybe he needed someone to listen and not prompt any thoughts for him.

Sorry to write so much. I hope some of this helps you and your friend. TLDR version, be there for your friend beyond the surface, and create a safe space in your conversations.

Thanks Kyrie, I am trying.

I’ve tried but it doesn’t tend to have much of a lasting impression on him. We used to be party 4 or 5 years ago but I’ve really grown out of it and he seems very attached to it still. I think it helps him cope but it doesn’t help him accept or improve.