Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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On Questions About Becoming Blind (self.Blind)
submitted by EyesR4Nerds
Please keep in mind, this is all my own, personal opinion. I don’t speak for, or represent, anyone but myself.
I’m glad to see all the curiosity here from sighted writers, artists and learners. I would love to see more accurate representation of my community in the media, and often I’m happy to help educate others to make that happen.
But please, curious folks, remember that there are people on the other side of the screen too. Sometimes I find myself needing to take a break from this community because of the sheer number of curiosity posts. Personally, my sight loss and blindness are trauma related, stepping back allows me to manage my mental health in a healthy way. I’m certainly not blaming anyone else for this, and take full responsibility for taking care of myself.
Just please remember that we are people too, coming here to seek our own community, and answer questions when we have the mental energy. I want to help you understand, but sometimes I just want to talk with other blind people and not be educational.
Thanks for listening all, and take care.
I’m glad to see all the curiosity here from sighted writers, artists and learners. I would love to see more accurate representation of my community in the media, and often I’m happy to help educate others to make that happen.
But please, curious folks, remember that there are people on the other side of the screen too. Sometimes I find myself needing to take a break from this community because of the sheer number of curiosity posts. Personally, my sight loss and blindness are trauma related, stepping back allows me to manage my mental health in a healthy way. I’m certainly not blaming anyone else for this, and take full responsibility for taking care of myself.
Just please remember that we are people too, coming here to seek our own community, and answer questions when we have the mental energy. I want to help you understand, but sometimes I just want to talk with other blind people and not be educational.
Thanks for listening all, and take care.
DrillInstructorJan 19 points 1y ago
Never forget that you can just walk away, it's not your responsibility to answer stuff here. I do because I can and I hope it helps, but on occasion I've just given it a few days myself.
What happened to me was very sudden and very complete and it wasn't very nice. I've never worried about talking about it, but I can imagine some people would.
What happened to me was very sudden and very complete and it wasn't very nice. I've never worried about talking about it, but I can imagine some people would.
EyesR4Nerds [OP] 9 points 1y ago
Thanks, genuinely. While I know that logically, it still helps to hear.
carolineecouture 15 points 1y ago
Thank you. Yes, it does get tiring. The zoo analogy is apt. I do appreciate the people who come here trying to understand and assist family and friends dealing with blindness or vision loss; it's not idle curiosity. I think a good question for people with general questions is, would you ask the question you're asking in the way you're asking it to someone in person? If the answer is no, then don't ask here.
BooksDogsMaps 11 points 1y ago
Very much agreed!
Also, it‘d be nice if they checked if the question has already been asked. Because some questions get asked a lot and while they‘re not bad questions in themselves, it gets tiring.
Also, it‘d be nice if they checked if the question has already been asked. Because some questions get asked a lot and while they‘re not bad questions in themselves, it gets tiring.
CloudyBeep 10 points 1y ago
When I put links to other times the question has been asked, I'm often downvoted, which confuses me.
EyesR4Nerds [OP] 7 points 1y ago
That’s a very good way of putting it. Well said!
suitcaseismyhome 9 points 1y ago
Thank you for expressing that so well. I tried earlier to say something similar but could not express it as well as you did.
I have only been reading here for about 6 months but I found it very strange that this sub seems to have many people visiting to ask questions.
It's like over on the cancer sub there seem to be more people who didn't have cancer than with cancer at one point. Even though I have 2 primary cancers I had to give up on that sub because it seemed like we were spending more time catering to the feelings of people who didn't have cancer than having a sub where we could share amongst ourselves.
I appreciate that people have questions and want to learn but sometimes the questions are in poor taste and other times it feels like we are animals in a zoo and they have come to look at how odd we are.
I have only been reading here for about 6 months but I found it very strange that this sub seems to have many people visiting to ask questions.
It's like over on the cancer sub there seem to be more people who didn't have cancer than with cancer at one point. Even though I have 2 primary cancers I had to give up on that sub because it seemed like we were spending more time catering to the feelings of people who didn't have cancer than having a sub where we could share amongst ourselves.
I appreciate that people have questions and want to learn but sometimes the questions are in poor taste and other times it feels like we are animals in a zoo and they have come to look at how odd we are.
DHamlinMusic 13 points 1y ago
I've been here maybe 10 days to 2 weeks and I noticed this pattern within a day maybe, I like the zoo analogy that's the exact thing I was thinking.
It is probably in poor taste, or unacceptable to respond to the less tasteful posters with offers to assist them in experiencing what it is to lose vision first hand…
It is probably in poor taste, or unacceptable to respond to the less tasteful posters with offers to assist them in experiencing what it is to lose vision first hand…
CosmicBunny97 8 points 1y ago
Maybe we can have a curiosity mega thread or something like that?
rumster 6 points 1y ago
If people are for this I can make it happen. We actually had one more but it got bloated and old.
Rethunker 2 points 1y ago
In response to what appears to be an uptick in the number of posts about sighted people wanting to write about blind characters, here are some thoughts.
What about creating a sticky post and/or post for the sidebar? Something like "Writing blind characters"
A thought that occurred to me this morning, and that I dwelled on for a while, is that it’d be good not only to have a fire-and-forget response to incoming queries, but that we could also set up a sort of challenge.
Namely this: a quiz. A self-scoring quiz. And if the quiz taker gets a non-passing score, they’ll be directed to other resources and prompted not to post here.
It could even be a quiz with branching options leading to early exits. For example:
1. Do you know someone who is blind?
If no, STOP. Do not write a blind character.
And so on.
A lot of the writers wanting write blind characters are (clearly) in the very early stages of writing. Virtually all will give up. Some, it's clear, want to write a blind character because they consider it cool or a challenge, when they should probably stick with writing something like two characters whom the author understands very well sitting in a room and having a conversation. If they can't pull that off, introducing an element such as a blind character won't help their writing.
The quiz would have perhaps 10 questions, and a (self-reported) score of 7 or better would be needed to pass. And passing shouldn't be possible for someone who doesn't know much about blindness.
One of the most telling questions could be this:
"WHY do you want to write a blind character?"
I'm willing to dig through older posts and replies and find out how (budding) writers answer this question. From what I call, several of the answers fall into the "zoo" category, or inspiration porn, or one of the others familiar to members of the sub.
What about creating a sticky post and/or post for the sidebar? Something like "Writing blind characters"
A thought that occurred to me this morning, and that I dwelled on for a while, is that it’d be good not only to have a fire-and-forget response to incoming queries, but that we could also set up a sort of challenge.
Namely this: a quiz. A self-scoring quiz. And if the quiz taker gets a non-passing score, they’ll be directed to other resources and prompted not to post here.
It could even be a quiz with branching options leading to early exits. For example:
1. Do you know someone who is blind?
If no, STOP. Do not write a blind character.
And so on.
A lot of the writers wanting write blind characters are (clearly) in the very early stages of writing. Virtually all will give up. Some, it's clear, want to write a blind character because they consider it cool or a challenge, when they should probably stick with writing something like two characters whom the author understands very well sitting in a room and having a conversation. If they can't pull that off, introducing an element such as a blind character won't help their writing.
The quiz would have perhaps 10 questions, and a (self-reported) score of 7 or better would be needed to pass. And passing shouldn't be possible for someone who doesn't know much about blindness.
One of the most telling questions could be this:
"WHY do you want to write a blind character?"
I'm willing to dig through older posts and replies and find out how (budding) writers answer this question. From what I call, several of the answers fall into the "zoo" category, or inspiration porn, or one of the others familiar to members of the sub.
suitcaseismyhome 2 points 1y ago
I always remember the advice to writers was 'write what you know'. Obviously that isn't always the case ie for science fiction, but using what you do know as a basis is helpful. (and 'what you know' means what you have experienced) That doesn't mean that only blind people can write about blind people, but they probably should have some ongoing experience with someone with vision loss.
The character probably shouldn't be 'the blind guy' or 'the blind robot' but the vision loss would normally be incidental and not the primary identifier of the person, just like in real life.
I was on an interesting thread today over on r/cancer which was subsequently deleted. Someone wrote about her 'BFF' who had 2? primary cancers? mets? We had no idea, and the friend clearly had no idea what kind of cancer, what stage, the prognosis, long term survival etc her friend had been through for 'years'.
After we pointed out that a 3cm breast tumour isn't stage 1A, and that lung cancer isn't breast cancer with lung mets, and gently suggested that she ask her friend, she deleted her posts.
Now sadly I'm thinking that was also a 'writer' who was coming to us to gain insight. It's really bad sometimes over on r/cancer, and pretty insensitive.
So to all you budding writers, I want to encourage you, but also encourage you to remember 'write what you know'.
The character probably shouldn't be 'the blind guy' or 'the blind robot' but the vision loss would normally be incidental and not the primary identifier of the person, just like in real life.
I was on an interesting thread today over on r/cancer which was subsequently deleted. Someone wrote about her 'BFF' who had 2? primary cancers? mets? We had no idea, and the friend clearly had no idea what kind of cancer, what stage, the prognosis, long term survival etc her friend had been through for 'years'.
After we pointed out that a 3cm breast tumour isn't stage 1A, and that lung cancer isn't breast cancer with lung mets, and gently suggested that she ask her friend, she deleted her posts.
Now sadly I'm thinking that was also a 'writer' who was coming to us to gain insight. It's really bad sometimes over on r/cancer, and pretty insensitive.
So to all you budding writers, I want to encourage you, but also encourage you to remember 'write what you know'.
OutWestTexas 3 points 1y ago
Or a thread with just general blindness questions that is posted at the beginning of this sub so we can skip it if we want to.
CosmicBunny97 3 points 1y ago
Oh yes, I really like that idea.
DrillInstructorJan 1 points 1y ago
You could do that, although I think what some people are looking for is more an interaction with someone who actually has sight issues than actually an answer to the question. And frankly I am more than happy to be the open book on that because I think or I hope very much that it helps demystify it and makes it a bit more normal. So I have some tolerance for that.
the-cat1513 1 points 1y ago
or a daily (or weekly or monthly) thread created by a bot for questions (answers are not guaranteed and we do not refund your money) and thus we avoid that every time someone has a question from creating a new post.
MacaroniGlutenFree 6 points 1y ago
I understand your frustration. 3 years ago, before I received a diagnosis of future blindness for my kid, I was one of those clueless people. Because blindness is quite complex and you won’t necessarily dedicate time to learn about it if it doesn’t affect you closely.
And to relay on another comment, a lot of people ask questions online that they wouldn’t ask in real life. That’s one of the downsides of social networks. People dare to make comments from the anonymity of their keyboards. Mind you, Reddit is still a much more respectful community than Facebook per example . You can get downvoted to Oblivion if you’re an idiot here lol !
And to relay on another comment, a lot of people ask questions online that they wouldn’t ask in real life. That’s one of the downsides of social networks. People dare to make comments from the anonymity of their keyboards. Mind you, Reddit is still a much more respectful community than Facebook per example . You can get downvoted to Oblivion if you’re an idiot here lol !
nullatonce 1 points 1y ago
So, anonimity is bad? but reddit is anonimous and still better behaved than social media network that requires you for your real name. I don't understand.
throwawayqueen65 5 points 1y ago
Definitely on board with a curiosity thread, even if it’s a different one weekly.
Tarnagona 2 points 1y ago
This is an interesting one.
On the one hand, I often enjoy sharing experiences and information with sighted people about blindness, and prefer to do it in a controlled environment such as Reddit or during an informational presentation, where I am choosing when I want to answer. I hope that, by doing this, I’m less likely to be approached by curious strangers in a non-controlled environment, such as a bus stop or grocery store, when I’m busy and don’t have the time or inclination to answer such questions. On the whole, I enjoy sharing information, and with something like Reddit, I can choose whether to engage (or not, if I don’t have the spoons for it that day).
However, sometimes the type of questions (why do sighted people care so much about how I wipe my ass!?), or repetition of similar questions from sighted folks can be grating. Like, I think there have been three or four posts in the last month asking about how blind people dream? I guess I just wish that more of the sighted people who show up here to ask questions would do some due diligence first, like a keyword search to see if someone has asked a similar question, and a read-over of the stickies posts.
If someone comes, and says, I tried searching, and couldn’t find what I’m looking for, I’d definitely feel more charitable. At least that person has tried to do some of their own research, instead of just expecting us to do the work and find the resources for them.
In sun, I think it’s about 1) an environment where I can choose to engage with information seekers, and 2) where those information seekers have shown that they’re willing to do their own work (but they need some help).
On the one hand, I often enjoy sharing experiences and information with sighted people about blindness, and prefer to do it in a controlled environment such as Reddit or during an informational presentation, where I am choosing when I want to answer. I hope that, by doing this, I’m less likely to be approached by curious strangers in a non-controlled environment, such as a bus stop or grocery store, when I’m busy and don’t have the time or inclination to answer such questions. On the whole, I enjoy sharing information, and with something like Reddit, I can choose whether to engage (or not, if I don’t have the spoons for it that day).
However, sometimes the type of questions (why do sighted people care so much about how I wipe my ass!?), or repetition of similar questions from sighted folks can be grating. Like, I think there have been three or four posts in the last month asking about how blind people dream? I guess I just wish that more of the sighted people who show up here to ask questions would do some due diligence first, like a keyword search to see if someone has asked a similar question, and a read-over of the stickies posts.
If someone comes, and says, I tried searching, and couldn’t find what I’m looking for, I’d definitely feel more charitable. At least that person has tried to do some of their own research, instead of just expecting us to do the work and find the resources for them.
In sun, I think it’s about 1) an environment where I can choose to engage with information seekers, and 2) where those information seekers have shown that they’re willing to do their own work (but they need some help).
EyesR4Nerds [OP] 2 points 1y ago
Very fair, and a good way of seeing the middle ground in all of this.
suitcaseismyhome 1 points 1y ago
I mentioned this on the other thread but I'm going to use this as an example.
When I was trying to find information about using an eye patch last year it was incredibly frustrating because I was swamped with search results from children and teens who thought it was cool to wear an eye patch because they wanted to copy their favorite anime characte
I don't know what the obsession is with anime and eye patches but the latest question apparently is about fan fiction and a robot.
Is not cool or trendy or fun what happens to us is life altering and it's an insult for people to think that we are a fun trend of the moment.
Edited to add that yes it is probably good that for children who have to wear an eye patch it is somewhat normalized by anime but I do not think that that is what is driving the vast majority of questions here.
When I was trying to find information about using an eye patch last year it was incredibly frustrating because I was swamped with search results from children and teens who thought it was cool to wear an eye patch because they wanted to copy their favorite anime characte
I don't know what the obsession is with anime and eye patches but the latest question apparently is about fan fiction and a robot.
Is not cool or trendy or fun what happens to us is life altering and it's an insult for people to think that we are a fun trend of the moment.
Edited to add that yes it is probably good that for children who have to wear an eye patch it is somewhat normalized by anime but I do not think that that is what is driving the vast majority of questions here.
Rethunker 2 points 1y ago
Regarding eye patches, I can certainly understand your frustration googling. When the overwhelming majority of people who don't need something find that thing cool, google search results can become muddied.
And if someone suggests narrowing your search, but the topic you're googling is new to you, well, it's one of those times when we should reconsider how helpful librarians were before the age of automated answer machines.
Some years ago I googled a term that I thought was understood to refer primarily to programming or to music. The term had gained currency as a form of underwear. I'm no prude, and it was funny enough for a social media post, but still frustrating.
If I were patching at this age, I'd feel what you're feeling, and I'm glad you've documented it here. And it'd be tricky to explain that experience to someone who lacked similar experience.
And if someone suggests narrowing your search, but the topic you're googling is new to you, well, it's one of those times when we should reconsider how helpful librarians were before the age of automated answer machines.
Some years ago I googled a term that I thought was understood to refer primarily to programming or to music. The term had gained currency as a form of underwear. I'm no prude, and it was funny enough for a social media post, but still frustrating.
If I were patching at this age, I'd feel what you're feeling, and I'm glad you've documented it here. And it'd be tricky to explain that experience to someone who lacked similar experience.
WanderingAnchorite 0 points 1y ago
I can appreciate this, but it's also a level of sensitivity that, if applied to everything, would make life much less livable.
People who require a cane to walk could get upset by able-bodied people who carry superfluous walking sticks, without care for those who might require them.
People who are bald could get upset when the many people with full heads of hair choose to shave it all off, for style, not caring about the feelings of those who have no choice.
And people do!
There are upset people who say that only some cultures can wear certain clothing; while T-shirts, jeans, suits, and neckties are almost universally acceptable, many forms of clothing are considered only to be worn by those within a certain culture.
Women with chests so large that they give them back problems could get upset when they see girls stuffing their bras...or they could not make everything in the world about themselves.
Kids dressed as pirates for Halloween, with eye patches, could be offensive, because most of those kids think it's because pirates lost lots of eyes.
In reality, eye patches were used by pirates only when boarding a ship, to keep one eye "in the dark" for when they'd go below decks and want to have one eye adjusted to the dark, so they could still see.
Now, I don't know if it's cool, trendy, or fun, but to presume that there's only one reason to wear an eyepatch goes back to what I just said about how some people make everything in the world about themselves.
People who require a cane to walk could get upset by able-bodied people who carry superfluous walking sticks, without care for those who might require them.
People who are bald could get upset when the many people with full heads of hair choose to shave it all off, for style, not caring about the feelings of those who have no choice.
And people do!
There are upset people who say that only some cultures can wear certain clothing; while T-shirts, jeans, suits, and neckties are almost universally acceptable, many forms of clothing are considered only to be worn by those within a certain culture.
Women with chests so large that they give them back problems could get upset when they see girls stuffing their bras...or they could not make everything in the world about themselves.
Kids dressed as pirates for Halloween, with eye patches, could be offensive, because most of those kids think it's because pirates lost lots of eyes.
In reality, eye patches were used by pirates only when boarding a ship, to keep one eye "in the dark" for when they'd go below decks and want to have one eye adjusted to the dark, so they could still see.
Now, I don't know if it's cool, trendy, or fun, but to presume that there's only one reason to wear an eyepatch goes back to what I just said about how some people make everything in the world about themselves.
suitcaseismyhome -1 points 1y ago
And I expect that type of reply from someone who came here asking questions with no visual impairment.
You fail to understand that we are blocked from useful information because we have to wade through pages of posts from young anime fans. Or in englisch add in all the posts about skin care.
My usual searches are in my 3 primary languages of fluency. The reality is that while englisch is not my first language, it provides more search results than the other two.
But then I have to try and narrow the search, made all the more difficult because I'm learning to use new technology.
I appreciate that you are trying to learn And think we are fascinating beasts, but try and understand that you also make it more difficult for us to find quality factual information.
Ironically you made this all about you, and failed to consider us.
You fail to understand that we are blocked from useful information because we have to wade through pages of posts from young anime fans. Or in englisch add in all the posts about skin care.
My usual searches are in my 3 primary languages of fluency. The reality is that while englisch is not my first language, it provides more search results than the other two.
But then I have to try and narrow the search, made all the more difficult because I'm learning to use new technology.
I appreciate that you are trying to learn And think we are fascinating beasts, but try and understand that you also make it more difficult for us to find quality factual information.
Ironically you made this all about you, and failed to consider us.
WanderingAnchorite -1 points 1y ago
I had a very similar experience with search terms last weekend, when I used Mandarin instead of English.
I didn't get upset at all the bad English results, blaming the internet for not focusing on the aspect of the topic I wanted to focus on: I adapted and changed my method.
Your assumptions about me seeing visually impaired people as "fascinating beasts" shows that you have ***way*** more baggage about people who can see than I do about people who can't.
You have no idea why I'm here - you don't know if I'm here because my twin sister was born blind or because my best friend recently had an accident - or just because, God forbid, I love to learn.
You're so trapped in your own perceptions that you can't go beyond them: that's where your issue with learning lies.
I don't see how I've made any of this about me: I don't wear an eye patch, I don't have breasts, I don't use any kind of cane...I mean, I guess you can say that I wear clothing, so that part applies to me?
My entire comment related my thoughts and your thoughts to a variety of other comparisons that have nothing to do with either of us.
Your personal baggage is going to mess your head up way worse than the actions of others.
EDIT: the word "born"
I didn't get upset at all the bad English results, blaming the internet for not focusing on the aspect of the topic I wanted to focus on: I adapted and changed my method.
Your assumptions about me seeing visually impaired people as "fascinating beasts" shows that you have ***way*** more baggage about people who can see than I do about people who can't.
You have no idea why I'm here - you don't know if I'm here because my twin sister was born blind or because my best friend recently had an accident - or just because, God forbid, I love to learn.
You're so trapped in your own perceptions that you can't go beyond them: that's where your issue with learning lies.
I don't see how I've made any of this about me: I don't wear an eye patch, I don't have breasts, I don't use any kind of cane...I mean, I guess you can say that I wear clothing, so that part applies to me?
My entire comment related my thoughts and your thoughts to a variety of other comparisons that have nothing to do with either of us.
Your personal baggage is going to mess your head up way worse than the actions of others.
EDIT: the word "born"
suitcaseismyhome 0 points 1y ago
And you know nothing about us yet you refuse to even hear what people are saying, and why posts like yours make people struggle.
The people here have real, life altering issues. They don't need you to come here and 'educate' them about pirates, or how they can be better people.
Over on r/cancer the mods had to do so much daily cleanup and deleting because people just couldn't understand that their questions were causing frustration and pain. I'm sure you will tell me now again how I am a lesser person than you, but I know the reality from your posts.
The people here have real, life altering issues. They don't need you to come here and 'educate' them about pirates, or how they can be better people.
Over on r/cancer the mods had to do so much daily cleanup and deleting because people just couldn't understand that their questions were causing frustration and pain. I'm sure you will tell me now again how I am a lesser person than you, but I know the reality from your posts.
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