I was in a similar position as you 1 year ago. The only way to get rid of that cane anxiety is to use the cane. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s the only way you’ll get over it.

The way I got over my cane anxiety was by taking my cane with me on small outings. If I was going to dinner with my family, I took the cane. If I was going to target, I took the cane. I was more comfortable taking my cane to places that had less of a chance of me running into a friend. Eventually you’ll create the habit of bringing the cane with you everywhere.

Do your friends know you’re visually impaired? If they already knew you had vision problems then it shouldn’t be too difficult to explain to them why you need the cane. At first they might be confused but you just have to explain to them what your situation is. In my case, my friends were actually supportive from the beginning. I explained to them that my vision had not changed, and that I’ve always needed the cane.

My siblings and parents were proud of me for finally using my cane. They would tell me the same thing your visual aid would tell you. They understood I needed it before I did.

Question 2

First of all, it’s not weird to want to date someone who is also visually impaired. It actually makes sense because like you said, you’ll relate to them in a way that most people can’t. However, I wouldn’t recommend limiting yourself to only visually impaired partners. The visually impaired community is small compared to the rest of the world, so finding someone who’s compatible with you in this small group isn’t going to be easy. If someone else comes around who you like but isn’t visually impaired, don’t turn them down. Give the relationship a chance. I’ve been with a visually impaired girl and a fully sighted girl as well. I enjoyed my time with both of them and it would have been a shame to not experience a relationship with them because I was limiting my options.

That being said, you’ll meet a bunch of visually impaired people at the support centers for the blind. Every state has one. You just have to find the right one. You should make a lot of friends who are visually impaired too. They will introduce you to their visually impaired friends and so on. There are also social media groups like this sub where you can meet visually impaired people. I believe there was someone who met their wife through this sub. The key is to talk to new people and branch out from there.

I hope this helps and sorry for the long reply.

Can't help you on number two, but as for number one, yeah, I was super self-conscious about it at first. A couple things helped, though:

1. I took my rigid cane out with me instead of the folding one, so I would be forced to carry it out in the open (and thus ended up using it), no folding it up and shoving it in my bag.
2. The first few times I used it were on out of town trips where I was around people I knew I'd never see/interact with again. It was easier to not care what people think when I knew I wasn't going to run into my kid's friend's mom, my dad's co-worker, that person I went to school with, etc.

The more confidence you have with the cane, the less people notice/comment/care.

My family and friends have all been nothing but supportive. They totally get why I want to use the cane and agree that it's a good idea, etc. That also helps.

I was completely ready for the cane when I got it in September. But then I asked for it because I tripped and broke my ankle.

I have had to explain to the Girl Scouts troop I co-lead why I use a cane now.

In the long run do what is best for you, explain it confidently and if others can’t handle it, that says more about them than you.

I didn’t have that kind of anxiety when I started using a cane full time, so I can’t answer that piece. What I will say is that carrying the cane makes it easier to get help. Most people understand that the cane means blindness, so if I ask for help with something like reading a menu, staff are less likely to begrudge giving me the help I need. It makes these kinds of interactions go smoother.

Why do you care so much what people think. Your safety and your confidence and not getting hurt is more important. What they think is irrelevant.

If your friends can’t accept you have vision problems or going blind and are jerks about it they don’t deserve to be called friends and are the ones that are really missing out.


Have you thought about blind organizsations like the national federation for the blind or the american counsel for the blind to meet people? Also social media like this, there’s a variety of communities on facebook, and even something like vorail or something like that.

For the cane anxiety, the only way to get over it is to just use it, unfortunately. I should have been using one for the past 20-ish years, but i struggled with the outward perception. It took me getting presents to start using one, because i was more terrified of tripping and falling than what others would think. But oh let me tell you, that feel when people move out of your way so you don’t walk into them? That was enough for me to keep using it. No one thinks badly of me for using one. If anything, the people in my life are happier now that I am using one as I fought it for so long.

Meeting other VI people could be done if you have a local vision center. For example, when i was in Uni, I got involved with my local blind and visually impaired resource center. I made some good friends there, and even met some partners. However, my VI partners didn’t last, and I am now married to someone who isn’t VI. I found that our levels of independence didn’t always line up, and that we just wouldn’t be compatible long term.

I also have a bunch of friends who aren’t VI who don’t understand the nuances of being VI, but they take the time to learn what my limitations are and how to best work around them. Like, they know when is a good time to hold onto me (ie: in crowds) without me even having to say anything, and they do it in a way that isn’t obvious are awkward.