Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Do You Tell People You are Blind? Specially, Your Significant Other? (self.Blind)
submitted by Odd-Sea7644
Hello everyone,
This is my first time ever making a post on Reddit. There is so much backstory and countless information I can give on this topic but I am going to try to keep this as succinct as possible.
I am blind in one eye and have been ever since I was 3 years old. I have grown up my entire life feeling quite regular and I credit that mainly to my parents who did a great job making me feel that way and never limiting me. The one downside to that was that the very fact that I am completely blind in one eye has never really been discussed in our household. This helped me feel like everyone else and I do not regret it. It has given me the confidence that I can live my day to day life just like everyone else. Today, I do Judo/Jiu-Jitsu on a regular basis ever since I was a kid, I play other sports like basketball, football, etc., I am now an attorney, and so on. The point is, this lack of discussing the issue has sort of played a role in me never feeling different from others and giving me the confidence to reach the point that I am at today in life. However, since I have grown older, I am now 28, and through the years, I have spotted a couple issues with this approach.
The downside is that I have rarely ever gotten the chance to speak to anyone about it. It's almost like a forbidden topic. As a result, I felt that posting here with other people in similar situations may be helpful. The issue I am having is that I have never told anyone about the fact that I can't see out of one eye, and people can never really tell. However, I am now married for a year and my wife does not know. A part of me feels guilty for not telling her because we know everything about each other, except for this. While I really want her to know so that we are both open with each other completely, I also don't want to make her feel bad for me. I have always felt pretty normal and I would really like to keep it that way (it feels kind of selfish, I know). My biggest thing is that because I operate as anyone else would in life and carry my own weight, I would not want her to start treating me any differently because of this. Another reason for not telling her is that she had been going through some mental health issues and I did not want to add something else for her to worry about.
Today, she is doing better and I find myself wondering if I should tell her? I love the way things are between us but I can't help but think sometimes, if she knew this about me, she'd completely understand me as a person whereas other times, because she does not know, the way I do certain things may not fully make sense to her. I am not sure what to do. I feel like the right and honorable thing to do for a marriage is to let her know, but the other side of me is so used to keeping it a secret from everyone that I am unsure how to talk about it. Not a single person in my life has ever known.
I also don't want to keep anything from her. I am not sure what the right thing to do is at this point. If anyone has similar experiences, I would greatly appreciate any feedback. Thank you guys!
This is my first time ever making a post on Reddit. There is so much backstory and countless information I can give on this topic but I am going to try to keep this as succinct as possible.
I am blind in one eye and have been ever since I was 3 years old. I have grown up my entire life feeling quite regular and I credit that mainly to my parents who did a great job making me feel that way and never limiting me. The one downside to that was that the very fact that I am completely blind in one eye has never really been discussed in our household. This helped me feel like everyone else and I do not regret it. It has given me the confidence that I can live my day to day life just like everyone else. Today, I do Judo/Jiu-Jitsu on a regular basis ever since I was a kid, I play other sports like basketball, football, etc., I am now an attorney, and so on. The point is, this lack of discussing the issue has sort of played a role in me never feeling different from others and giving me the confidence to reach the point that I am at today in life. However, since I have grown older, I am now 28, and through the years, I have spotted a couple issues with this approach.
The downside is that I have rarely ever gotten the chance to speak to anyone about it. It's almost like a forbidden topic. As a result, I felt that posting here with other people in similar situations may be helpful. The issue I am having is that I have never told anyone about the fact that I can't see out of one eye, and people can never really tell. However, I am now married for a year and my wife does not know. A part of me feels guilty for not telling her because we know everything about each other, except for this. While I really want her to know so that we are both open with each other completely, I also don't want to make her feel bad for me. I have always felt pretty normal and I would really like to keep it that way (it feels kind of selfish, I know). My biggest thing is that because I operate as anyone else would in life and carry my own weight, I would not want her to start treating me any differently because of this. Another reason for not telling her is that she had been going through some mental health issues and I did not want to add something else for her to worry about.
Today, she is doing better and I find myself wondering if I should tell her? I love the way things are between us but I can't help but think sometimes, if she knew this about me, she'd completely understand me as a person whereas other times, because she does not know, the way I do certain things may not fully make sense to her. I am not sure what to do. I feel like the right and honorable thing to do for a marriage is to let her know, but the other side of me is so used to keeping it a secret from everyone that I am unsure how to talk about it. Not a single person in my life has ever known.
I also don't want to keep anything from her. I am not sure what the right thing to do is at this point. If anyone has similar experiences, I would greatly appreciate any feedback. Thank you guys!
-shacklebolt- 13 points 1y ago
I mean this nicely, but I think you've made this out to be a much bigger thing in your head than it is in reality (with the help of your parents.)
Being blind in one eye is no reason for your parents *not* to have raised you as a "regular kid," because you were. You doing sports (which, if you haven't discussed protecting your good eye with your ophthalmologist, you should) and having a good career and all that other stuff isn't some rare exception.
I don't mean to dismiss that losing vision in one eye can be an incredibly shitty experience for someone that makes you change (or relearn) how you do some things. But to other people, aside from maybe some curiosity, it's really not a big deal.
You should tell your wife. This isn't some shameful secret you've been keeping from her, you've just been conditioned since you were a kid to believe you shouldn't talk about it. There's no reason for her to change how she acts around you because nothing about you has changed (although she might be unhappy you felt you had to keep secrets from her.)
Being blind in one eye is no reason for your parents *not* to have raised you as a "regular kid," because you were. You doing sports (which, if you haven't discussed protecting your good eye with your ophthalmologist, you should) and having a good career and all that other stuff isn't some rare exception.
I don't mean to dismiss that losing vision in one eye can be an incredibly shitty experience for someone that makes you change (or relearn) how you do some things. But to other people, aside from maybe some curiosity, it's really not a big deal.
You should tell your wife. This isn't some shameful secret you've been keeping from her, you've just been conditioned since you were a kid to believe you shouldn't talk about it. There's no reason for her to change how she acts around you because nothing about you has changed (although she might be unhappy you felt you had to keep secrets from her.)
Simply_Limeade 10 points 1y ago
I agree. Respectfully, one eye blind as opposed to two isn't really a big deal. One good eye is more than most of us here have. Just tone it down OP. If you don't make it into a huge deal. It won't be made into a huge deal. Best of luck.
retrolental_morose 3 points 1y ago
as a "total", the implication that your remaining eye lets you do all the good stuff would kinda hurt, were I the worrying type.
[deleted] 12 points 1y ago
Like you, my one eye doesn't work but this has never an issue for me either. I have lived a normal life like anyone else and people can never tell that I'm blind from on eye. I can even drive, so it never crosses their mind.
The truth is that blindness is a very scary concept for most people. I have never hidden this small fact about me from my friends and from my significant others and truth be told, I always see their faces going from neutral to absolutely scared. However, they get over it almost immediately and never treat me any different than before.
My advice is to tell your wife. In fact, I believe you should have told her the moment your relationship got serious, so she would have known what she signed up for. A relationship's strongest asset is honesty between the two partners. How would you feel if your wife kept a secret from you for years? Wouldn't you feel like she can't trust you? Wouldn't that hurt you?
Honestly, if you tell your wife and she gets a little mad, it's not gonna be because you're blind from one eye but because you hid something about you from her and because you can't open up to her.
You say that you're okay with being blind from one eye but your inability to talk about it says otherwise. Perhaps the reason why you can't speak about it isn't because you're fine without it but because it still hurts you that you don't have your full vision.
I think telling your wife will be beneficial for you too.
The truth is that blindness is a very scary concept for most people. I have never hidden this small fact about me from my friends and from my significant others and truth be told, I always see their faces going from neutral to absolutely scared. However, they get over it almost immediately and never treat me any different than before.
My advice is to tell your wife. In fact, I believe you should have told her the moment your relationship got serious, so she would have known what she signed up for. A relationship's strongest asset is honesty between the two partners. How would you feel if your wife kept a secret from you for years? Wouldn't you feel like she can't trust you? Wouldn't that hurt you?
Honestly, if you tell your wife and she gets a little mad, it's not gonna be because you're blind from one eye but because you hid something about you from her and because you can't open up to her.
You say that you're okay with being blind from one eye but your inability to talk about it says otherwise. Perhaps the reason why you can't speak about it isn't because you're fine without it but because it still hurts you that you don't have your full vision.
I think telling your wife will be beneficial for you too.
Drop9Reddit 7 points 1y ago
As someone legally blind my parents raised me the same way they would a “Regular Kid”. Acknowledging the difference but not letting it limit me. Worst case in baseball I got a few “extra” strikes.
As to telling a significant other my now wife I told before we met for the first time. I texted her saying “Hey so you know I’m legally blind, and I walk with a white cane” ans she just replied “Ok look forward to meeting you”. This helped clear the air and avoid shock.
So for your situation I 120% believe honesty is the best policy. Talk to your partner. They may be mad that you did not mention anything sooner but be honest to them on why you didn’t and hopefully you will be able to move forward.
Best of luck!
As to telling a significant other my now wife I told before we met for the first time. I texted her saying “Hey so you know I’m legally blind, and I walk with a white cane” ans she just replied “Ok look forward to meeting you”. This helped clear the air and avoid shock.
So for your situation I 120% believe honesty is the best policy. Talk to your partner. They may be mad that you did not mention anything sooner but be honest to them on why you didn’t and hopefully you will be able to move forward.
Best of luck!
ukifrit 2 points 1y ago
my gf is blind too so it wasn't even a thing for us since we first met in a school for the blind.
TechnicalPragmatist 1 points 1y ago
Yes I would tell her I think you should be able to tell or talk about this with family. You trust them right?
There’s no way for me to hide it in person. I am totally blind and use a cane all the time and can’t see anything, no hiding for me. Hahaha! I don’t know if I want to, may be nice so everyone wouldn’t baby and patronize me.
On the internet though I don’t tell people I am blind unless I need to and there’s a need to know that I can’t see. I also don’t think it’s important, at least on the internet.
There’s no way for me to hide it in person. I am totally blind and use a cane all the time and can’t see anything, no hiding for me. Hahaha! I don’t know if I want to, may be nice so everyone wouldn’t baby and patronize me.
On the internet though I don’t tell people I am blind unless I need to and there’s a need to know that I can’t see. I also don’t think it’s important, at least on the internet.
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