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Blind and Visually Impaired Community

r/blind

Full History - 2022 - 04 - 05 - ID#twxugr

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Was It Wrong to Lash Out? (self.Blind)

submitted by yamallama0330

Hey squad. TWs ahead for sh :’)

I am a blind teen and live a pretty freaking lively life. I do Taekwondo, I do horseback riding, I’m a head producer for a student led feature length film, I’m in multiple academic honors societies, I LITERALLY WORK AT QDOBA, and I’m always just the blind girl.

Everyone looks at me with pity, and the comments I get are unbearable.

Why do people think that everyone wants to be cured, or that we can’t live fulfilling lives? “I’ll pray for your cure”, “oh you’re so pretty for a blind girl!”, “you can’t work, you’re blind”. Literally so sick and tired of it.

My parents are pushing for a cure, genetic testing and pokes and prods at my eyes. I don’t WANT to be cured, I’m fine as I am!! Just because I can’t see doesn’t mean I’m incompetent, a shut in, a loner.

I yelled at them, screamed at them. No one understands me, no one understands how painful it is to hear loved ones say they would kill themselves if they were blind like me. Man that’s crazy, I did too a few years ago. Even tried. Ableism has ruined my life and I’ve had to build a wall around myself to not get hurt again, so I want to send a message to sighted people out there.

Don’t ever tell a blind/ visually impaired person that their life is sad. We are perfectly fine, we are HUMAN. We live our lives, get drunk, party, study, cry, and laugh. We’re just like you, but just with f-ed up eyes.

Anyways lol sorry for the depressing rant. Idk who needed to hear this. 💀 I’m not usually this way, just has been pent up inside for a few years.

thewalruscandyman 23 points 1y ago

Not wrong, no. We all gotta vent. I am only partially blind, at least at present, but have been a sickly cripple for most of my life...and I am not a tenth as productive as you. Hell, you are what I always wanted to be...what I still want to be. But enough asskissing and on to more important things. Like coping with the pity.

Most of the time I just make flippant and sometimes crude and even outright offensive remarks, depending on my mood.

Jokes as simple as "I don't see the point in looking for a cure" is a fun one, _if_ they get it, they don't like it.

"Save your pity for the little bald children" is mean spirited, but it shuts them up.

And my favorite, "why pray for me? Your god did it to me in the first place" really bothers them. And I have been told to "enjoy hell" by a lady after I told her "I wipe my ass with her prayers."

I live in the south so I get a lot of those "Jesus loves you" morons.

Which is fine, because I do love crushing the faith of well meaning, but half witted country folk.

I guess what I'm saying is...we all lash out in our own way. My way is bitter sarcasm.

And the ones who would rather die than be blind? Well they're just weak.

yamallama0330 [OP] 10 points 1y ago

Omg that last one I am stealing. Also, the beginning part made me tear up. All my life I’ve pushed myself to do more and more, to prove that I’m just as capable as any sighted person. I really believe in you, and even if you aren’t as physically active you definitely have a much better mindset. Thank you, kind stranger 🥰

thewalruscandyman 10 points 1y ago

Keep kicking ass out there!

yamallama0330 [OP] 9 points 1y ago

You too 😼 bad bitches unite!

codeplaysleep 1 points 1y ago

>All my life I’ve pushed myself to do more and more, to prove that I’m just as capable as any sighted person.

Go out there and do all the things you want to do. Live the life you want to live. Continue to be awesome! But don't burn yourself out just to prove something to other people. You don't owe them that.

Rhymershouse 4 points 1y ago

Please take my upvote. “I wipe my ass with your prayers” made me laugh so hard I almost woke up the baby. I was born and raised in the South so I’m all too familiar LOL!

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Tarnagona 15 points 1y ago

Someone driving by on a bicycle told me he had a message for me, that God was going to heal my eyes. My reply, “why didn’t God ask me what I want?” That threw him for a loop. I try not to be outright mean, but I have zero patience for the people who want to pray for me, and have started calling them out on their ableism and/or asking the hard questions (I’m an atheist, and you’ve just invited me to ask why you believe what you do and question the inconsistencies).

People who seem genuinely curious and well-meaning, I try to educate them and be a positive experience, but I don’t always have the time or spoons. And it absolutely gets tiring. I just want to cross the street, not explain my existence.

Some people want a cure. Not all of us do, though. And that’s okay. I’m already living my best life as a blind person. Some things are tricky, and sometimes I have a bit of a pity at my situation, but I’m happy how I am, and wouldn’t change it.

bradley22 8 points 1y ago

I do believe in a creator of the universe, but honestly comments like that would piss me off.

Tarnagona 8 points 1y ago

On the whole, I try not to be a sick about what someone believes or doesn’t when it comes to religion (though I love having conversations exploring beliefs with those who are interested). I make an exception when it comes to randomers telling me Jesus will heal me. It’s ableist as heck and I am not here for it.

bradley22 3 points 1y ago

Exactly.

WEugeneSmith 5 points 1y ago

I am a believer, but I would NEVER offer prayers to someone unless:

A. I knew that prayer was something they accepted.

B. They actually wanted the outcome for which the prayer was being offered.

To thrust prayers upon an atheist is insulting and disingenuous. I'm not usually in favor of snarky responses, but yours was inspired.s

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PrincessDie123 10 points 1y ago

Honestly I don’t blame you I always think it’s stupid for people to say the “I would kill myself” line because it’s triggering as someone who has been suicidal for other reasons and all it serves to do is minimize my life and paint anything I do as either worthless or amazing, my life is pretty mundane and that’s neither good nor bad. It’s also a terrible outlook because there *is* a grieving period to losing sight that has many people actually kill themselves over something that can be adapted to, I’m legally blind and people think it’s amazing that I can live alone and I always tell them it’s easier for me to live alone because I can control my environment and not have everything moved unexpectedly. The attitude that your life is over when you lose vision is very harmful to everyone, you don’t even have to lose art sure you might not be able to see a painting perse but there’s tactile art too now using 3D printers and other mediums so you can hang a mural on the walls and feel what it’s portraying, I’m hoping to find an off trail hiking guide someday so I can explore the mountains in search of glyphs on trees and rocks. Humans are incredibly adaptable.

I also get it with the poking and prodding for a “cure” my family keeps telling me “maybe there will be a miraculous surgery that can save your eyes soon, and I’m just like no it’s painful enough to preserve what’s left and surgery at this point is more likely to blind me totally than it is to help. I’m sick of getting needles in my eyeballs.

bradley22 9 points 1y ago

No, it wasn’t wrong at all. Yesterday I got called by a scammer, they wanted me to buy insurance, when I brought up my blindness they said something like, you sound so normal, if I didn’t know you were blind I would have thought you were a sighted person. Wtf? When I called them out, they said it was a compliment. What kind of compliment is that?

synthpopolis 1 points 1y ago

Yeah. What the hell does a blind person sound like? Stevie Wonder? In that case, I wish I fit the stereotype because I’d have a hell of a singing career lol

bradley22 1 points 1y ago

I have no idea :)

ravenshadow2013 9 points 1y ago

I wish ALL my clients had your mindset, too many people buy into the BS that they cant

yamallama0330 [OP] 5 points 1y ago

I would recommend you refer your clients to Molly Burke on YouTube! I really have to give her the credit for showing me that anything is possible, and she’s my biggest role model in life. I wish to meet her someday but I’m just a lowly teenager haha

ravenshadow2013 6 points 1y ago

Oh I do, I love Molly, she inspired me to become a job coach I am VI and use my experiences to try and teach other blind and VI people how to get and keep jobs

yamallama0330 [OP] 3 points 1y ago

Omg love that!! I’m meeting with someone from APH on Friday regarding future careers, it’s amazing to know that there’s so many people out there to help us be successful and happy 🥳

ravenshadow2013 3 points 1y ago

Don't let anyone distract you from what YOU want out of life, it may be hard but not impossible

xmachinaxxx 8 points 1y ago

It seems to me you’re pretty awesome! Just keep doing what you’re doing and ignore the ignorance!

yamallama0330 [OP] 8 points 1y ago

Ty 🥺 I’m sure y’all understand this a lot, but I usually don’t let them get to me it just kinda bubbled over lol

WEugeneSmith 2 points 1y ago

We have all been there with the bubbling over moments.

Just keep up with your awesomeness and know that other people's idiot remarks are beyond your control.

je97 6 points 1y ago

Not at all. People who say the sort of dumb things you're talking about deserve it imho.

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snimminycricket 6 points 1y ago

For one thing, you have every right to lash out at the universe (or, if it's more convenient, the people around you) once in a while. And second of all, I think most people, blind or not, end up directing a similar outburst (minus the 'hearing loved ones say they would kill themselves if they were like me' part) at their parents as a teenager! It sounds like you're doing incredibly well for yourself. I know when I was a teenager, before I knew I was losing my vision, I was just a schlub getting Cs and Ds in school and ditching class to smoke weed with my friends, and somehow even I felt I had the right to scream at my parents once in a while! On the same token, my parents expected it because that's one of the things teenagers just do. You just happen to be much more justified in your rage than many others.

I'm so glad you have so many things going on. I hope you enjoy them all! And if you don't—if there's something on that list that you don't really want to do but you just do it to prove to yourself or the world that you can do anything—then give yourself permission to take it off the list and stop putting your energy into it. We all need rest too, even as we're trying to defy the odds and be "the blind person who does it all." But if all these things bring you joy and you have the energy for them then color me impressed (and thrilled that you get to do them all)!

And I'm also sorry you've had to build a wall so as not to get hurt again. I think we can all relate.

PrincessDie123 6 points 1y ago

Berenice101 5 points 1y ago

There will always be ignorant people.
We just have to keep our head held high.

yamallama0330 [OP] 3 points 1y ago

Amen 😩🥲

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BlindManOnFire 3 points 1y ago

https://quicklygoingblind.blogspot.com/2022/04/yamallama0330.html

stas-prze 2 points 1y ago

I think this comes from peoples misunderstanding. All the people that did this I told I'm happy, most of them understood, some of them didn't but that was the minority.
Something that surprised me is that all the online communities I joined, be it a Mac OS patcher Discord server, a community of tech nerds or an Artemis Fowl A/H ship community, all of the people there didn't treat me like I'm some sort of special / wooooo you can use a computer / holy shit you're blind so we're sad for you ETC.
There were questions and discussions about my blindness, sure, but I was treated like a normal healthy perfectly capable individual.
The conclusion I got from all these encounters is that the younger generation, like my age (15/16/17) tends to be a bit more educated about disabilities than older folks. Not saying it's exclusively this generation, there's more people who treat me well, but what I'm trying to say is that the younger generations tend to look at it a bit differently.
IDK it might just be my view on it though lol.

synthpopolis 2 points 1y ago

Don’t be sorry. This was perfect! I’ve felt that same frustration at so many points in my life

LyingSlider7 2 points 1y ago

I get you it low-key kind of pisses me off when people talk about a cure for blindness I’m just like oh OK cool don’t think you can fix my retinas or regenerate my damage cells or anything but that’s nice for the people that it possibly works for. And lol I like the part about getting drunk I don’t know what that’s like though I’m only 16

TXblindman 2 points 1y ago

You’re a badass. Speaking for myself though, i’d very much like my eyesight back. Born with peters anomaly and had functional but not great vision in one eye until i was 22, and i miss the freedom i had, and all the info i can no longer visually absorb. That’s just me though, up to each individual to decide that for themselves. Best of luck going forward!

TechnicalPragmatist 1 points 1y ago

Definitely understand but I think relaxing is a good practice and being more mindful and understanding. A lot of them just don’t understand. Education and advocacy and patience and endurance is important here.

I’ve done a lot myself, a full life of service and advocacy and so much more, and I’ve done a lot of representation and education.

Virtuous patience and measureness is very important here. A hot temper often doesn’t help anything.

DrillInstructorJan 1 points 1y ago

The praying thing is weirdly common. We don't have super religious people in the UK like there are in the USA but even I've been told that god only chooses special people to be blind.

Frankly I'd take the cure if it came along but you don't have to (I would say try it for a bit and I suspect you would want to keep it, but it's not like that's ever likely to happen for either of us!)

But no my life is not sad and I rather resent the implication that it is!

yamallama0330 [OP] 2 points 1y ago

NO BC WHY 😭 I’ve never been told I was special lmao it’s always that god hates me or that I did smth really bad in my past life to have a disability like tf

edo_slauf 1 points 1y ago

Dear yamallama My name is Edin and I am writing to you from Sarajevo City which is quite far from you. I was looking for something completely different and I came across your story about blindness and the environment of the people you meet. Maybe it will be easier for you when I tell you my story. I hope google translator will translate everything into english properly because i don't speak english. I was born completely blind with a diagnosis of norie syndrome. I think you've heard of this disease. I was a very popular media personality in my country and I had my own radio station called Kalman Radio. In 2008, my hearing dropped so much that I was unfortunately forced to put on hearing aids. Later, unfortunately, the god of my hearing loss had to sell the radio station. after hearing loss I got tinnitus big tinnitus for which there is no cure. Yet as a blind person in my life and youth I have achieved a lot. At that time, Kalman radio was the most listened radio station in Sarajevo and later in Bosnia and Herzegovina, but unfortunately I could not go on with it due to the aforementioned hearing problems. Now I live a peaceful life without all the life stresses I had then. Unfortunately, my country is poor, so I had to finance my own hearing aids, and fortunately he was able to make money at that time because I have a large hearing loss of 75 db, so my hearing aids need to be very high quality. I luckily managed to afford it. I hope you now know that there are more severe cases than your blindness, such as my case with hearing loss. If you want to answer me and write, I'm here.
greetings from Sarajevo
Edin

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DrillInstructorJan 1 points 1y ago

Yeah well that stuff has very little impact on me. I don't take that any more seriously than I'd take someone telling me the tooth fairy didn't like me, it's more funny than anything else.

I don't know what your background is but I could see fine until I was 19, and if you haven't had that experience I would say don't knock it till you've tried it. I know what I'm missing out on and honestly it's pretty reasonable that people would assume you'd take the cure. I'd take the cure just for basic practicality and being more able to move around and do stuff easily, especially at short notice. But there is some distance between making that decision based on practicality and making life easier, and assuming I have been cursed by some omnipotent supernatural entity...

Tarnagona 1 points 1y ago

I live in Canada, and we also have far fewer evangelicals than our Statesian neighbours. But I still get people wanting to pray for me on the regular (once or twice a year, on average, though once I had two people in the span of a week). It’s interesting because culturally, we don’t talk about religion that much (not the kind of place where someone casually asks you what church you go to as a conversation starter, for example). I imagine it’s even more common in places with a high evangelical population.

[deleted] 1 points 1y ago

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