I think it's a reasonable reaction to be annoyed. He's essentially saying you'll never do anything independently again.

I guess my feeling is that, yeah, someone could do something to you while you're out and about. Maybe that likelihood goes up with a cane, maybe not. But life is filled with risks and dangers. To choose not to live from fear of injury is a kind of death.

My advice would be honestly, turn off the news, it’s not worth watching. If you want to look up a thing, you can research it but there’s no point looking at the doom and gloom the news has to offer every day.

How….parental of him. Instead of validation of your concerns and offering independent solutions, he basically infantilized you. That’s why you’re upset- and rightfully so. You are an adult and should not have plan your life around when he can chaperone you just because you lost some vision. There are real solutions to your concerns (weapons training, self defense classes, personal alarms, etc) that he could have suggested but he chose instead to treat you as a child needing constant supervision. I’d be livid at that insinuation myself. My spouse knows better, however she has mentioned that her friends find it puzzling I can get out and do things without any assistance so it seems your husband’s attitude is not uncommon.

I have a similar experience with an ex boyfriend that’s why he’s an ex by the way this stuff and more.

He will never admit it but he thinks he’s better than i and makes these types of remarks and more bluntly.

He’d like to go everywhere with me, never let me out of his sight, do everything together. He was also a bit jealous too but that’s a small part of it.

He also wanted to help me with everything and do everything for me. He wanted to infantilize me. I couldn’t go anywhere alone.

For crying out loud I wanted to go to trader joes to buy groceries. That’s all I am not going to get hurt I had to convince him for a few days and he had to watch me carefully get on the uber. He wanted me to keep him informed and was big about location tracking. It was pretty bad. I was annoyed.

He claimed we’d do things but it was like we had to always do them together and it wasn’t just because it’s a connection we are girl/boyfriend. Nooo it wasn’t anything like that.


He always wanted to advise me help me, do things for me. Sure it’s a nice gesture sure if your love language was acts of service but to the degree he was doing it. And he held stuff above my head.


I suggested I walk across the street where he lived there’s a grocery market, do the shopping alone get some assistance and come home. He couldn’t take it or have that.

When we broke up he admited he was overprotective of me.


But yeah.

The really super ironic thing was he’s a mid partial and was legally blind too and I am totally blind. But he thought in a sense he’s better then me. He’ll never admit that but it was like that.

All to say I can empathize with you.

I am totally blind and super independent by the way never had any issues and travel across the country and around my city often. And he knows it and admires it that’s why we started dating and then this.

Ah, I'm sorry. I'm in your same boat. Only you know your husband and what he meant and how your relationship is. Often people want to jump in and "fix" our problems and not just let us get them out. I think that sounds like the problem.

So maybe something like, "I'm concerned about this and just want to get these feelings out. I don't need a solution right now."

I know the stories are definitely making me rethink some things.

I live in the city and used to use public transport all the time, but now I'm warier and travel when I know there will be more people around. That makes me sad.

Good luck!

I would be annoyed too, it undermines your independence. For what it's worth I have the same worries as you as a blind woman, and I have a lot of general anxieties, but others can only protect us so much before it becomes patronising.