Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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Working (self.Blind)
submitted by JackFrostsKid
This is probably a bit of a vent post as well as a call for help, but I’m angry and losing my mind.
My vision is 20/200 with tunnel vision, photosensitivity, no depth perception, and for unknown reasons I can’t see yellow. Due to having a pretty traumatic childhood (or ongoing childhood as the case may be. All things considered) I also have really, really bad anxiety that I’m working on managing but it’s hard when say, your mom threatens to kill you on a regular basis. (She doesn’t have a way to actually get to me, and by all accounts I’m as safe as I can be given the situation but my point still stands.)
I’m currently 18, and have been trying to get a job since I was 14, which where I live is the youngest age you can get a job. I however run into a few problems.
I currently live in an incredibly rural area. Nothing is within walking distance and public transportation is non existent. I have to rely on either my grandma or brother to get to and from places. Neither of them are regularly available to give me rides, and no one else I know drives
(Or if they do they constantly get in accidents.)
Another issue I run into is that living so rurally, I run into a lot of ableism. The closest places near me, in the “down town” area won’t hire me. Most people out here are shocked that I do things like… walk around on my own. In many cases these people have lived here their entire life and I’m the only disabled person they’ve met. They just assume I can’t do the work and even if I fill out a resume, I never get a response back. (Keep in mind the “down town” area consists of 2 restaurants, a bait and tackle store that also sells ice cream, and a feed store.)
I thought that maybe I could go about selling some of my craft stuff because it’s frankly taking over my room, and there are people who have wanted to commission me for plushies (if only my school allowed me to do things like that) however no one is willing to drive me either to the post office or to craft fairs.
My grandma and I got into a fight and when things calmed down she said she’d actually start helping me find a job. She hasn’t made much of an attempt. She’s found stuff for my brother, but not me.
I probably wouldn’t do great with a customer facing job except in specific contexts, and no one taught me how to tell money apart but I’m figuring it out as best I can.
I need to get out of here though. It’s super tiring to exist where I live. I have to deal with people constantly talking about how I’m blind because I committed a sin so bad in a past life that not even hell would take me. I have to deal with people calling me a f*g and never feeling safe enough at all to have any relationship. Hell, my grandma struggles with hoarding, so I can’t get around half of the house on my own.
I can’t keep doing this, but I don’t have many other options as far as I can see. It’s going to sap away what’s left of my mental health.
Minimum liveavle wage (aka the money needed to have food and a house) is $50 an hour, in a more city like area. I don’t expect to ever make that much but I’m willing to live with roommates. I just need out once I finish high school.
My vision is 20/200 with tunnel vision, photosensitivity, no depth perception, and for unknown reasons I can’t see yellow. Due to having a pretty traumatic childhood (or ongoing childhood as the case may be. All things considered) I also have really, really bad anxiety that I’m working on managing but it’s hard when say, your mom threatens to kill you on a regular basis. (She doesn’t have a way to actually get to me, and by all accounts I’m as safe as I can be given the situation but my point still stands.)
I’m currently 18, and have been trying to get a job since I was 14, which where I live is the youngest age you can get a job. I however run into a few problems.
I currently live in an incredibly rural area. Nothing is within walking distance and public transportation is non existent. I have to rely on either my grandma or brother to get to and from places. Neither of them are regularly available to give me rides, and no one else I know drives
(Or if they do they constantly get in accidents.)
Another issue I run into is that living so rurally, I run into a lot of ableism. The closest places near me, in the “down town” area won’t hire me. Most people out here are shocked that I do things like… walk around on my own. In many cases these people have lived here their entire life and I’m the only disabled person they’ve met. They just assume I can’t do the work and even if I fill out a resume, I never get a response back. (Keep in mind the “down town” area consists of 2 restaurants, a bait and tackle store that also sells ice cream, and a feed store.)
I thought that maybe I could go about selling some of my craft stuff because it’s frankly taking over my room, and there are people who have wanted to commission me for plushies (if only my school allowed me to do things like that) however no one is willing to drive me either to the post office or to craft fairs.
My grandma and I got into a fight and when things calmed down she said she’d actually start helping me find a job. She hasn’t made much of an attempt. She’s found stuff for my brother, but not me.
I probably wouldn’t do great with a customer facing job except in specific contexts, and no one taught me how to tell money apart but I’m figuring it out as best I can.
I need to get out of here though. It’s super tiring to exist where I live. I have to deal with people constantly talking about how I’m blind because I committed a sin so bad in a past life that not even hell would take me. I have to deal with people calling me a f*g and never feeling safe enough at all to have any relationship. Hell, my grandma struggles with hoarding, so I can’t get around half of the house on my own.
I can’t keep doing this, but I don’t have many other options as far as I can see. It’s going to sap away what’s left of my mental health.
Minimum liveavle wage (aka the money needed to have food and a house) is $50 an hour, in a more city like area. I don’t expect to ever make that much but I’m willing to live with roommates. I just need out once I finish high school.
TechnicalPragmatist 7 points 1y ago
Where are you?
If in the usa couple of things can you apply for section 8 housing? Do you work with vocational rehabilitation. They can help you find a job. But if you can go to a training center and live there for a year and learn to be independent and then try to live in section 8 housing that would be good.
If not can you get some help with government housing and live in the city where it’s walkable. Is there a way to get help through the state with independence or finding a job?
Sorry that your mother wants to kill you and threatens you with it. That’s all sorts of messed up. And wow people actually saying that your disability is due to your sins and you should go to hell is pretty bad too. Don’t let that effect you or as little as it can. That’s horrid though.
That sounds bad about your grandmother not helping you, sorry it’s not very supportive there. And that’s not good most people are not opened to disabled people. Transport can be hard for sure especially in rural areas and then when you have to depend on family.
If in the usa couple of things can you apply for section 8 housing? Do you work with vocational rehabilitation. They can help you find a job. But if you can go to a training center and live there for a year and learn to be independent and then try to live in section 8 housing that would be good.
If not can you get some help with government housing and live in the city where it’s walkable. Is there a way to get help through the state with independence or finding a job?
Sorry that your mother wants to kill you and threatens you with it. That’s all sorts of messed up. And wow people actually saying that your disability is due to your sins and you should go to hell is pretty bad too. Don’t let that effect you or as little as it can. That’s horrid though.
That sounds bad about your grandmother not helping you, sorry it’s not very supportive there. And that’s not good most people are not opened to disabled people. Transport can be hard for sure especially in rural areas and then when you have to depend on family.
moonpegasus19 1 points 1y ago
Okay. I know there is a possibility this person is just trying to get attention, but their post spoke to me in a way nothing else has for a while, so I am going to give my two cents. There are a lot of problems you are trying to deal with right now and only some of those are related to blindness. I have been blessed with a safe and supportive childhood, but I have had experiences with anxiety and fear, and trauma I would rather forget. I somehow thought all of this was normal for people born blind to go through and told everyone I was fine. I just thought this stuff was normal for years until one day I had a panic attack when I was coming back from taking the garbage out at the apartment complex I had just recently moved into. I had asked my boyfriend if he ever got this nervous while traveling, and he had to explain to me that feeling like you have to face down a fifty foot dragon every time you go for a walk is not normal. On the surface the stress is caused by our blindness, but if you look deeper, there are sometimes other triggers there. I don't know if I'm explaining this well, but everyone just kept offering me more and more training, and while I got better at traveling, it didn't ease my anxiety. I then received more later on when I exited the transitional living program after high school. There was some stuff that happened after that, but needless to say, it lead up to me having a panic attack, and having to let the rehab agent go because he wasn't listening. Then I got someone over to give me some independent living skills training. This didn't offer what I was looking for either, and after she left we had issues with an over-sensitive smoke alarm and I ended up developing some issues I am still trying to cope with surrounding cooking. I then realized what I was looking for wasn't more blindness support, but it took me a long time to realize that what I needed was help overcoming and learning to cope with the anxiety I was feeling. Once I realized that, I could sit and look at what was really bothering me. I have some anticipatory anxiety surrounding my smoke alarm. I have anxiety around large spaces, and situations where people might see weakness in me, ETC.What I am trying to tell you is don't worry about getting training right now. You need to worry about getting yourself in a place where you feel safe, and you can focus on learning ways to cope with the anxiety you feel. You also need to address all the underlying problems before you go off and get a job. To be honest, people are going to be more likely to hire you if you have a deploma so for now, I would suggest finishing your schooling. After that if you are feeling up to it you can try moving, and getting a job, but if you are feeling like you can't even talk to strangers, and feeling suicidal, please seek out help! Worry about the blindness stuff later, because getting training now could potentially make things worse depending on what they give you, and which facility they send you too. I hope you see
this and please do not give up!
this and please do not give up!
Tasdigo 1 points 1y ago
It sounds like you are in a tough situation. The reality is you have some hard choices to make. Moving to an area with better mass transit will mean being away from people you care about. But, it may allow you to get training for a job or an actual job. You will have to make a choice. Section 8 housing may put you closer to your mother something you don’t want but, it is the beginning of independence. Sometimes life doesn’t give you great choices. You can only do the best that you can. You can stay where you are or you can try to do better for yourself. If you don’t change something in your life it is for sure your situation won’t change. I wish you well.
shadowfadewolf 1 points 1y ago
So how exactly can't you get hired? I have a 20/200 and 20/300 (or 20/350, idk stopped caring after 250). I drive semi trucks (not far but still) where I work. I don't think it's a vision being the reason no one will hire you. I belive it's a lack of 2 things.
1. Effort on your part (I have had 200 applications out at a time before)
And 2. Lack of experience.
You really gotta try to sell yourself on online resumes. And in person you just gotta be open and honest and not fall back on your vision impairment as a excuse or a crutch.
I'm not sure your life story but there's stuff out there you gotta put more effort in. In-person applications and interviews will always work better. Most of my jobs I've gotten just from walking into places and asking if they are hiring.
Finally. I have no idea where your looking at. But $50 a hour for a living wage is not what you need to live. I make 22/hr in PA and am middle class (maybe upper idk I don't buy shit often) If your looking in Cali maybe but anywhere else fuck no that's insane. I rent a house have 2 cars a cat and I still can save. Find a blue collar job. Your not gonna be able to afford a brand new shiny 50k car every year. But cost of living shouldn't be anywhere near as high as you think.
1. Effort on your part (I have had 200 applications out at a time before)
And 2. Lack of experience.
You really gotta try to sell yourself on online resumes. And in person you just gotta be open and honest and not fall back on your vision impairment as a excuse or a crutch.
I'm not sure your life story but there's stuff out there you gotta put more effort in. In-person applications and interviews will always work better. Most of my jobs I've gotten just from walking into places and asking if they are hiring.
Finally. I have no idea where your looking at. But $50 a hour for a living wage is not what you need to live. I make 22/hr in PA and am middle class (maybe upper idk I don't buy shit often) If your looking in Cali maybe but anywhere else fuck no that's insane. I rent a house have 2 cars a cat and I still can save. Find a blue collar job. Your not gonna be able to afford a brand new shiny 50k car every year. But cost of living shouldn't be anywhere near as high as you think.
JackFrostsKid [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Dude, not gonna lie here, I’m having a very hard time staying calm in this situation, but I’m gonna do my best.
First off, I need you to understand that I cannot drive. I legally cannot take the drivers test OR get a permit. Fuck, I can’t even see out a car window. 20/200 is my vision when my eyes are fully rested. I lose that vision throughout the day. Not to mention the fact that at a vase line, any sudden change in light makes me go completely blind for at minimum a few minutes, or that I can’t ever tell her far away I am from anything,
Also? It’s not for a lack of effort. I can get a ride ti anything that would be approximately 20 minutes if a drive. That’s all anyone in my family will offer. I have applied to every job within that distance multiple times, with exactly one exception. That exception being a lady who tried to kill me dog by shoving rat poison into a tennis ball and throwing into my yard. (Police wouldn’t do anything even with camera evidence)
I applied to so many different places regardless of if I was sure how to get there. In fact, at one point, this caused me to have to be hospitalized for a few days, because I had become so focused in on the issue that I didn’t eat, sleep or drink for days and had begun hallucinating. Im maintaining the level of applying for jobs, applying for scholarships, trying to get an ESA (Emotuonal support animal because I’m highly suicidal and sometimes keeping something alive is the only thing keeping me alive) and trying to get college dorm stuff set up. Im regularly throwing up from stress on a regular basis.
Im sure that having an in person interview would be better than an online one. I’ll let you know when I feel safe enough to hitchhike to actually get to the interview. There isn’t public transportation. There’s a shitload if trees or animals, but if I wanted to, I could go outside right now and yell at the top of my lungs, and no one would here me except those who live with me. In fact, that was why I got the lovely experience of being abused for years!
I’m putting all the effort into this I physically can, while also doing my best to keep myself away from a 7th suicide attempt.
I can’t say that I have experience. In fact I don’t have any? I genuinely don’t understand the concept of selling yourself at all. Even then what the fuck am I supposed to say? I confuse people by crocheting and drawing sometimes? I get panic attacks when it’s to loud, to bright or I have to talk to strangers? I’d probably get hit by a car to keep my hamsters and dog safe? I did good in school but didn’t participate in any clubs or sports because I didn’t feel safe at school?
There isn’t much else to sell there. I’m not good with people, and not really at an emotional area where I think it’s safe to try. I dye my hair because every color I see is desaturated too hell and back so neon hair is fun. I could tell you almost anything about rodent care because it was the first thing I did after escaping mom.
I don’t know to make any of those traits seem like good things. They aren’t good. They aren’t bad. They just exist because of expiation. Both the shitty ones and the good ones.
Your extremely lucky to be able to walk into a place and ask if they’re hiring. Every time I’ve attempted similar, I was told to check their website and upon filling the application, never heard back. It’s just not something that seems to be effective here.
Finally I got that number based on a few things. The average cost of rent monthly, the average a person spends on groceries for one person in a month, and the out of pocket expenses for my medication. (I have shitty lungs but sadly like to breath so j have to take a few steroids to keep that happening, plus anti depressant and anxiety meds to keep me as level as I can be.) and then I did some math I don’t have energy to explain right now. It’s not a perfect number, and there are ways to change it. It’s very much a ballpark number but people where I live can expect to pay a minimum of $1200 a month for rent.
I don’t want to go out of state if it can be avoided. There are a lot of people here I love and would be devastated to be separated from by that great a distance.I just need to get out of this place before I cease trying to function.
First off, I need you to understand that I cannot drive. I legally cannot take the drivers test OR get a permit. Fuck, I can’t even see out a car window. 20/200 is my vision when my eyes are fully rested. I lose that vision throughout the day. Not to mention the fact that at a vase line, any sudden change in light makes me go completely blind for at minimum a few minutes, or that I can’t ever tell her far away I am from anything,
Also? It’s not for a lack of effort. I can get a ride ti anything that would be approximately 20 minutes if a drive. That’s all anyone in my family will offer. I have applied to every job within that distance multiple times, with exactly one exception. That exception being a lady who tried to kill me dog by shoving rat poison into a tennis ball and throwing into my yard. (Police wouldn’t do anything even with camera evidence)
I applied to so many different places regardless of if I was sure how to get there. In fact, at one point, this caused me to have to be hospitalized for a few days, because I had become so focused in on the issue that I didn’t eat, sleep or drink for days and had begun hallucinating. Im maintaining the level of applying for jobs, applying for scholarships, trying to get an ESA (Emotuonal support animal because I’m highly suicidal and sometimes keeping something alive is the only thing keeping me alive) and trying to get college dorm stuff set up. Im regularly throwing up from stress on a regular basis.
Im sure that having an in person interview would be better than an online one. I’ll let you know when I feel safe enough to hitchhike to actually get to the interview. There isn’t public transportation. There’s a shitload if trees or animals, but if I wanted to, I could go outside right now and yell at the top of my lungs, and no one would here me except those who live with me. In fact, that was why I got the lovely experience of being abused for years!
I’m putting all the effort into this I physically can, while also doing my best to keep myself away from a 7th suicide attempt.
I can’t say that I have experience. In fact I don’t have any? I genuinely don’t understand the concept of selling yourself at all. Even then what the fuck am I supposed to say? I confuse people by crocheting and drawing sometimes? I get panic attacks when it’s to loud, to bright or I have to talk to strangers? I’d probably get hit by a car to keep my hamsters and dog safe? I did good in school but didn’t participate in any clubs or sports because I didn’t feel safe at school?
There isn’t much else to sell there. I’m not good with people, and not really at an emotional area where I think it’s safe to try. I dye my hair because every color I see is desaturated too hell and back so neon hair is fun. I could tell you almost anything about rodent care because it was the first thing I did after escaping mom.
I don’t know to make any of those traits seem like good things. They aren’t good. They aren’t bad. They just exist because of expiation. Both the shitty ones and the good ones.
Your extremely lucky to be able to walk into a place and ask if they’re hiring. Every time I’ve attempted similar, I was told to check their website and upon filling the application, never heard back. It’s just not something that seems to be effective here.
Finally I got that number based on a few things. The average cost of rent monthly, the average a person spends on groceries for one person in a month, and the out of pocket expenses for my medication. (I have shitty lungs but sadly like to breath so j have to take a few steroids to keep that happening, plus anti depressant and anxiety meds to keep me as level as I can be.) and then I did some math I don’t have energy to explain right now. It’s not a perfect number, and there are ways to change it. It’s very much a ballpark number but people where I live can expect to pay a minimum of $1200 a month for rent.
I don’t want to go out of state if it can be avoided. There are a lot of people here I love and would be devastated to be separated from by that great a distance.I just need to get out of this place before I cease trying to function.
shadowfadewolf 0 points 1y ago
Well 50/hr at least where I live is considered damn near impossible without a degree. And even with one you will need to be in a high end field to make that.
And how can't you take your permit/ get a driver's test? I'm legally blind in my right eye completely and my left without glasses on. If you don't have glasses that's your biggest issue. I have eyesight so bad I'll lose my left in 2 years at my current pace. The light thing get a hat or close your worse eye.
I'd love to know where you live that it cost so much. Almost seems like your looking to rent a house and that's typically more expensive. Than a apartment.
A trick for talking to strangers is reminding yourself they are just that. Strangers.
Your eyes are bad but they really aren't that bad. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but my eye doctor said the same thing when I first got to 20/200 on my right eye. She has someone with a 20/500 still drives and works.
How you sell yourself is just being expressive and talkative. Don't tense up just relax. Be yourself. Tell them you don't know much but would like to learn. Once you show initiative a lot of places will sighn you just for that.
Honestly not sure what else to tell you. Your stuck in a mindset of I can't do anything for all these reasons and won't put yourself into the mind set of fuck the world I own it.
I've been down that road and just kept losing everything I cared about take control instead of being controlled.
And how can't you take your permit/ get a driver's test? I'm legally blind in my right eye completely and my left without glasses on. If you don't have glasses that's your biggest issue. I have eyesight so bad I'll lose my left in 2 years at my current pace. The light thing get a hat or close your worse eye.
I'd love to know where you live that it cost so much. Almost seems like your looking to rent a house and that's typically more expensive. Than a apartment.
A trick for talking to strangers is reminding yourself they are just that. Strangers.
Your eyes are bad but they really aren't that bad. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but my eye doctor said the same thing when I first got to 20/200 on my right eye. She has someone with a 20/500 still drives and works.
How you sell yourself is just being expressive and talkative. Don't tense up just relax. Be yourself. Tell them you don't know much but would like to learn. Once you show initiative a lot of places will sighn you just for that.
Honestly not sure what else to tell you. Your stuck in a mindset of I can't do anything for all these reasons and won't put yourself into the mind set of fuck the world I own it.
I've been down that road and just kept losing everything I cared about take control instead of being controlled.
JackFrostsKid [OP] 1 points 1y ago
You don’t seem to be listening at all to what I’m saying. I was told by the local fucking government that fucking I can’t drive. I’m so happy for you that you can. 20/200 is my vision in perfect conditions, and only describes PARTS of my blindness. You lose your vision in two years? Good for you! Mine leaves regularly throughout the day! By the time I leave school I can’t even read size 24 font. I’ve had glasses! They don’t work!
My eyes are underdeveloped. Glasses can’t replace a barely existent optic nerve, a few missing muscles, and whatever the else I end up discovering is missing.
It’s not a fucking pity party but I asked for help and all you’ve seemingly done is say that I’m not actually blind enough and offer your idea of help that ultimately doesn’t do anything.
My eyes are underdeveloped. Glasses can’t replace a barely existent optic nerve, a few missing muscles, and whatever the else I end up discovering is missing.
It’s not a fucking pity party but I asked for help and all you’ve seemingly done is say that I’m not actually blind enough and offer your idea of help that ultimately doesn’t do anything.
shadowfadewolf 0 points 1y ago
I offered you all the help I can. I need a retna. Transplant my guy. I know what it's like but you either need to use glasses or go apply for government support. And if you get denied on that then your clearly well enough to still be able to work.
I'm done trying to help you when you won't. Be respectful and not say fucking fuckedy fuck fuck.
If you get denied for government support then idk what else to tell you bro. Clearly they don't think your eyes are that bad if they won't offer you aid.
Try using eye drops.
I'm done trying to help you when you won't. Be respectful and not say fucking fuckedy fuck fuck.
If you get denied for government support then idk what else to tell you bro. Clearly they don't think your eyes are that bad if they won't offer you aid.
Try using eye drops.
shadowfadewolf 1 points 1y ago
I'm gonna tag onto this by saying going blind is infact scary. I have monocular degeneration and have had it since I was 12 currently 19. But you gotta stop letting life control you and instead bend that bitch over the counter and control it.
bradley22 1 points 1y ago
If I got told that the reason I’m blind is because I committed a sin in a past life and that hell wouldn’t even take me, I’d be like thanks! I’ll beat the Devil and all I had to do was exist, I’m a fucking bad ass!
Where do you live? It sounds to me like Malaysia or somewhere like that.
Where do you live? It sounds to me like Malaysia or somewhere like that.
JackFrostsKid [OP] 2 points 1y ago
Lol I wish I could just say that and call it a day on the matter. I live in the USA… just in a small, very cult like town in the absolute middle of nowhere.
TechnicalPragmatist 1 points 1y ago
As I said in my own post is it possible to get connected with vocational rehabilitation where you are, and get section 8 housing going/
JackFrostsKid [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Yes and no? I’m already I. Touch with vocational rehabilitation but they haven’t been much of a help so far. I can apply for section 8 housing but that’ll put me at more risk of running into my mom, which I’d rather avoid, and make it impossible for me to finish high school, because the nearest affordable housing areas are a good 3 hours drive away. Plus I wouldn’t have a way to actually get there.
TechnicalPragmatist 1 points 1y ago
Finish school maybe and try to move out of state maybe? Sorry that vocational rehab hasn’t been helpful. Could you suggest to them you’d really like to go to a training center after high school. Maybe you can move out of state and do section 8 housing there so you wouldn’t run in to your mother.
bradley22 1 points 1y ago
Danm, I’m sorry to hear that.
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