Blind and Visually Impaired Community
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My cane must have magic powers (self.Blind)
submitted by NoConfidence_2192
I went to the DMV and decided to take a friend along to play sighted guide. I figure that must have kicked my canes magical invisibility powers because everything happened like I was not even there. All questions, comments, and directions straight to the guide, like I wasn't even there. Then, later at the diner for breakfast, I seem to magically reappear after I set down the cane. Friend's comment on the whole situation:
>Dude, you gotta teach me how to do that. It would come in handy when I get stopped for speeding. It's like you Jedi mind tricked them without trying: *"This is not the blind guy you're looking for."*
Maybe next time I can just pay him to go without me. I wonder if they'd even notice? Joking, kind of.
The upside is that I was able to handle my business there quickly and without too much trouble. Taking the sighted guide along was a good thing because I never would have found the teller window without him. Plus, since I was invisible, he got to do all the talking, saving my voice for all those operas anyone that can hear should pay me not to sing.
>***Note to any sighted people that may read this: In case no one taught you it is rude to talk about someone when you can talk to them. Me having a white cane is not an exception to this rule. Its presence only tells you that I may not see things. Unless proven otherwise, my ability to understand, communicate, and make good decisions is at least equal to yours. Me having a white cane does not excuse talking around me instead of to me.***
Okay, mild rant over. I feel much better now. In all honestly, it was hard for me to tell if I was more angry or amused. I have decided on amused, this time at least.
Good luck and remember to enjoy the day!
>Dude, you gotta teach me how to do that. It would come in handy when I get stopped for speeding. It's like you Jedi mind tricked them without trying: *"This is not the blind guy you're looking for."*
Maybe next time I can just pay him to go without me. I wonder if they'd even notice? Joking, kind of.
The upside is that I was able to handle my business there quickly and without too much trouble. Taking the sighted guide along was a good thing because I never would have found the teller window without him. Plus, since I was invisible, he got to do all the talking, saving my voice for all those operas anyone that can hear should pay me not to sing.
>***Note to any sighted people that may read this: In case no one taught you it is rude to talk about someone when you can talk to them. Me having a white cane is not an exception to this rule. Its presence only tells you that I may not see things. Unless proven otherwise, my ability to understand, communicate, and make good decisions is at least equal to yours. Me having a white cane does not excuse talking around me instead of to me.***
Okay, mild rant over. I feel much better now. In all honestly, it was hard for me to tell if I was more angry or amused. I have decided on amused, this time at least.
Good luck and remember to enjoy the day!
Central_Control 11 points 1y ago
While it might be amusing at first, after the 1,000th time it loses its appeal. You have to press the issue if you want them to talk to you. You have to be direct and assertive. Tell them that you're the one talking to them and you expect them to respond to you and you alone. If they refuse or are unable, start asking non stop for their supervisor. Then explain the situation. There's a chance the supervisor won't care or is hostile.
If you're not standing up for your basic rights, they'll trample all over them. Then they'll think this is proper procedure for every other disabled person. So they'll just continue on disrespecting the disabled.
This sucks the most. You don't want to have to be confrontational and direct, nobody does. Until they start to teach children anything about the disabled and their needs, we have to insist on being treated like a human being with basic rights. It's constantly having to stand up for yourself, starting in the most gentle way possible, because if you don't, they'll treat you like a non-human or less-than-human.
Whether it's simple ignorance, or actual modern day nazis, these people have to be dealt with. Some people should not work with the general public, let alone the disabled public. Their company needs to know they are a liability.
If you're not standing up for your basic rights, they'll trample all over them. Then they'll think this is proper procedure for every other disabled person. So they'll just continue on disrespecting the disabled.
This sucks the most. You don't want to have to be confrontational and direct, nobody does. Until they start to teach children anything about the disabled and their needs, we have to insist on being treated like a human being with basic rights. It's constantly having to stand up for yourself, starting in the most gentle way possible, because if you don't, they'll treat you like a non-human or less-than-human.
Whether it's simple ignorance, or actual modern day nazis, these people have to be dealt with. Some people should not work with the general public, let alone the disabled public. Their company needs to know they are a liability.
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 3 points 1y ago
You are very correct. Sometimes it's hard to think about more than myself in that given moment. I do need to come up with a better plan for the next time that happens. Thank you.
BeforeSides 9 points 1y ago
When people speak to my friends or a guide I’m with, I always make sure I’m the one in front of them and answer the asked questions, even if directed at the other person. “What is their address?” “Actually, my address is xyz”. “Ok, and what about their date of birth?” “My birthday is abc”. Even ask the person you’re with ahead of time to not answer these questions so the other person behind the counter has no choice but to interact with you. Put a stop to the behavior you find problematic, don’t just stand there as it happens.
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 6 points 1y ago
What amazed me most was even though I addressed all question about me they continued to be addressed to my guide. The only response my guide ever gave was to wait for me to answer. Other than me the only person he addressed directly was the security guard that let us in the building. The security guard who seemed to be the only person that worked in or around the building with enough courtesy to address me directly.
I will have to find ways to handle this better in the future.
Thank you for the advice and remember to enjoy the day.
I will have to find ways to handle this better in the future.
Thank you for the advice and remember to enjoy the day.
unwaivering 2 points 1y ago
I do the same thing. Usually when I go out to a restaraunt with my parents I don't live with them, mind you, the server will wait for them to order for me. Sometimes they start to do so, just because it's what they're used to. I usually take over at that point. Not to interrupt them, but so that I can demonstrate to the server that hey, it's OK to talk to a blind person.
scaram0uche 5 points 1y ago
My dad is visually impaired and uses a cane for navigation but can still drive. He sure loves watching people's reactions as he parks his truck and then gets out with his white cane!
We quickly learned as a family to direct back to him if anyone ignored him (and learned which side for him to sit on at restaurant tables so the server doesn't startle him). It helps that we are family but he has had to ask friends to also learn that as well. "I dunno, ask him!"
He also has a tendency to "accidentally" tap people with the cane when they are being assholes.
We quickly learned as a family to direct back to him if anyone ignored him (and learned which side for him to sit on at restaurant tables so the server doesn't startle him). It helps that we are family but he has had to ask friends to also learn that as well. "I dunno, ask him!"
He also has a tendency to "accidentally" tap people with the cane when they are being assholes.
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 5 points 1y ago
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you! How rude of me to interrupt the conversation you were having about me! Please, carry on." All with a completely serious look on his face I bet. I remember my uncle doing that when I was a kids but I did not really get why at the time. He would reach up to adjust his sunglasses then tap the cane away from the away from them before whipping it to the other side and smack them in the leg. My brother and I always thought that was hilarious. We always wanted to take him to talk to people so we could find out who would get smacked. Looks like it's my turn now.
Thanks for the good memory and remember to enjoy the day!
Thanks for the good memory and remember to enjoy the day!
DrillInstructorJan 4 points 1y ago
I find you can reduce the incidence of this at least 50 per cent if you initiate the conversation. Yes, this might mean you need a prompt from whoever you're with to start talking. My significant other and I have our patter worked out on this. He goes "OK, Jan, I'll leave you with this guy for a few minutes." I go, "Oh, right. Hey there, what I need is..."
That doesn't stop some people talking to him rather than me, or even calling him back so they can talk to him, but it's reasonably rare for that to happen. Mostly if you get that right they'll talk to you.
That doesn't stop some people talking to him rather than me, or even calling him back so they can talk to him, but it's reasonably rare for that to happen. Mostly if you get that right they'll talk to you.
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 2 points 1y ago
So, start conversations by taking charge of them? I really like that idea. It's what I have always done at job interviews when looking for work and has pretty effective. I never thought about using it in situations like this but it should work. Thank you
DrillInstructorJan 1 points 1y ago
There is a very fine line between taking charge of a conversation and coming off as a stroppy cripple which is the last thing I personally want. So do it with a smile on your face. But yes, basically. There is a degree of needing to take charge!
TechnicalPragmatist 4 points 1y ago
Has definitely hapened to me I just answer instantly instead then they start talking to me. Sometimes they patronize me anyway.
Crafty_Dragon_roll 4 points 1y ago
When I went to get a new ID after I got married, the person tried asking my mom questions and she ignored her and turned around. Like hello! I'm the one sitting in front of you! She then raised her voice when talking to me because apparently talking loudly will help me see her better.
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 5 points 1y ago
Oh yeah. I just love the talking louder thing! They usually exaggerate their facial expressions and make bigger hand gestures when they do that too. Have a friend that busts out into giggles every time she sees it. Are we really sure sighted people are not the disabled ones?
unwaivering 2 points 1y ago
Oh man, i have a story about that one lol. My grandma always used to scream at me whenever I answered the phone. I would hold the phone about to my shoulder, and I could still hear her yelling at me. I don't know if it was because Grandma needed hearing aids herself, but she never really yelled at anyone else on the phone, so I doubt it.
BlindWizard 3 points 1y ago
Yeah, when my wife and I are out anywhere I will be talking to somebody and they won't answer any questions I have or make any comments to my wife and not me as if they're afraid to talk to me or something. It's gotten to where I will only go into places on my own unless I absolutely need someone so that people will actually freaking talk to me. It's like they're afraid and just don't know what to do. It's crazy
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 1 points 1y ago
My original plan was to go alone today for that very reason but I am glad that I didn't. I do not have the experience to have made it through on my own yet. Too large a space with too many people moving around and not enough people on staff to help. Next time should be a different story however.
Thank you and remember to enjoy the day.
Thank you and remember to enjoy the day.
DannyMTZ956 1 points 1y ago
In their view, you lost independence once they realized that you had to be taken to the window. And as your guide stood next to you, they assumed they needed to direct their questions to them.
Being acertive helps. introducing yourself and stating the reason you are there, is a good start. That gets the ball rolling in leting them know that you are the one with the-business, and that you can respond to them.
In similar situations, I requested my wife to please step back or for her to go back to the chairs because I was the one responding to questions.
Being acertive helps. introducing yourself and stating the reason you are there, is a good start. That gets the ball rolling in leting them know that you are the one with the-business, and that you can respond to them.
In similar situations, I requested my wife to please step back or for her to go back to the chairs because I was the one responding to questions.
Riyeko 1 points 1y ago
Assholes. I would have called those fuckers down been like.... No no no no no... I'm the one doing this stuff, talk to ME
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 3 points 1y ago
As much as I would have liked to do that they were administrative assholes with the power to make my life more difficult however. I was there to turn in my driver's license and get a state ID instead. I have no legal picture ID right now. A few explainable administrative mistakes by an angry or embarrassed clerk and a 2 week process to get the new ID can easily turn into a months long battle to get what I need. I used to work in government and I remember what petty tyrants some of my coworkers could be. Not worth the risk right now. I will follow up with a suggestion/complaint to that sites manager after I have what I need.
pisces0387 1 points 1y ago
that would get right on my nerves too, I've experienced what you describe a lot, just because I'm blind, I can't talk, or interact with people, even when it's me buying something and not my sighted guide, all questions must be directed to them, not me, the person actually making the transaction.... sorry you had to deal with this
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Helped that today's sighted guide is one of my oldest friends and that he sees humor in just about everything. He was probably more offended than I was and being the jokester that he'll be planning ways to poke fun at people that do this in the future. The next time we do something together should be very interesting.
akrazyho 1 points 1y ago
I have similar experiences when I have a sided friend with me but not all the time just a fraction of the time. It is like they are unsure what to make of me or they just don’t understand what the cane and glasses mean and yes I do use the blind people glasses and not any stylish sort of sunglasses
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 1 points 1y ago
>It is like they are unsure what to make of me...
You have a point. That is pretty much the feeling I got from them. The few times my guide would walk away they would hesitantly address me directly but return to addressing him confidently about me as soon as he would return.
Understandable is not the same as acceptable however. I will work on ways to handle that better in the future.
By the way I wear my blind people glasses too.
Thank you and remember to enjoy the day.
You have a point. That is pretty much the feeling I got from them. The few times my guide would walk away they would hesitantly address me directly but return to addressing him confidently about me as soon as he would return.
Understandable is not the same as acceptable however. I will work on ways to handle that better in the future.
By the way I wear my blind people glasses too.
Thank you and remember to enjoy the day.
Ancient_Ad_5809 1 points 1y ago
I've noticed that if I have my cane in hand, all questions seem to go to my wife until I speak up lol. Not really sure if they think I'm deaf/mute as well or what. But it always gives me a good laugh.
NoConfidence_2192 [OP] 2 points 1y ago
I'm shocked! Does this mean my cane's not the only one with these magic powers? LOL
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