Yeah take it from someone who does exactly that at times, both your husband, and me when I do this to my fiance, are in the wrong. It's hard to deal with stuff and loss of independence is difficult but these reactions are not helpful and try not to let it get to you.

I pretty much just consider it normal that if I need to go somewhere and the person that's offering to take me is only available at X time, then that's when I go. If it means I'm arriving early or waiting a bit for a ride, then that's just how it is.

30mins early? That's not long. I'd happily sit and chill for a half hour, listen to an audio book, grab a coffee, or whatever. It would be frustrating if it was an everyday occurrence, but an occasional thing is really no big deal. If it was going to be the new daily schedule, I'd probably see about finding an alternative means of getting to the train station, if I could.

That said, I was born with my vision loss and that's how it's always been. I've kind of learned to just roll with it. If I'd recently lost a significant portion of my independence as an adult, I'd probably not cope with it so well.

Hell no, you're not. Waiting half an hour is nothing at all. If he's not able to wait that much -- by just thinking about things, putting headphones in his ears and listening to music, an audiobook or podcast, or even (oh no!) talking to others at the train station -- he is incredibly impatient.

You let him know in advance he would have to wait and he agreed. He did not have to; he could've said "Nah, I think I'll take a taxi this once," and that would've been it. But he said yes and got what he wanted.

If he doesn't want you involved, then don't be. Don't argue with him, beg him, try to make him change his mind. Hell, if he does change his mind, perhaps even tell him that no, he said he'd be fine on his own, so you'll let him do that for a while. He will either realise that an early free ride is better than none at all, or he will gain some independence.

Either way, hopefully he won't yell at you anymore. Because that just isn't cool, and is a sign of weakness on his part, not wrongdoing on yours. Sure, being disabled sucks. But as good as it is to get help with something we find difficult, nobody is obliged to give it. And if they do, then especially if they're our loved ones, being thankful is the least we could do.

It’s a tough situation because you’re absolutely not wrong, you should be able to get to your work on time.

But he’s also not wrong, it’s so difficult having to always be on someone else’s time, and as a VI person this really gets me down sometimes too. I have to try to be understanding of other people, especially with their work commitments, but it’s bloody hard sometimes.

It’s worth having a chat with him, it’s understandable that he feels the way he does because being VI you can sometimes feel like you will never have the independence you want. But he did overreact to you, there’s no need to get angry. Hopefully he will have calmed down by the time he gets home, I think we all overreact sometimes but most realise it and have a reason for doing it in their own heads if that makes sense.

I agree with the community's overall sentiment, but I'd like to add my own experience, for perspective.

I recently changed jobs and have a commute again. I didn't ask my partner for any help whatsoever. Instead, I researched my options before taking the job and budgeted for the most comfortable and convenient transportation option. Sometimes I even carpool, but I don't have to, if I don't want to adjust to my coworkers' schedules.

Because I understand the frustration of not being independent, I make sure I am. I'm sure your husband is feeling frustrated because he, up until now, couldn't be independent. If he finds a way to be, he'll be happier and you'll have more time. Overall, it'll be a net positive.

You are his partner, not his hired help.
If you can drive him to the train every day for what seems like it's been a long time, he can certainly make some concessions for you starting a new job.

I noticed myself definitely being irrational sometimes in arguments and I think most of the time it stems from the fact that I know deep down if I had a good vision I would be able to be far more independent and I think this is exactly one of those situation as well you are definitely not in the wrong, so definitely don’t feel that way. You were being a very wonderful wife to your husband by taking him to the train every morning, and I’m sure even if he isn’t showing it in the moment, he is very appreciative of you. I know I would be. What I think is going on here is that your husband is probably just wishing he had the independence to drive himself to work, and sometimes if everything doesn’t go exactly as planned, he may be trying to find some thing to blame and unfortunately in this circumstance he chose you. I’m sure once everything has calmed down, and he has some time to realize that this situation was a little irrational, he will apologize to you and everything will be all right. As a blind person, sometimes we just tend to get a little bit irrational and frustrated when we can’t do some thing we wish we could do independently and sometimes we end up hurting those who we love in the crossfire. I hope everything works out, good luck to you guys!

You are definitely not in the wrong. Please. I don't mean this offensively, does your partner, and yourself, have a therapist that y'all can speak with about his vision loss? It sounds as if your partner is lashing out at you for losing their vision and that's not proper. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells in regards to their issues. That's abusive behavior and reactions. I'm sure they aren't usually an asshole or you wouldn't be with them, but they are absolutely overreacting. My own partner and I have had to cope with my failing health and vision and we discuss it, calmly and rationally, even though it sucks. Talking to a professional may be of benefit for you both. If they can't talk to you about it without lashing out, they may be able to talk to someone else that they aren't connected to on a daily basis. And even if they don't do it, I highly suggest that you look into it for yourself. As a caregiver, it is imperative that you look after your mental health or you may burn out. Therapy can give you both tools for handling situations like this in a healthier manner. I wish you both the best.

I’m totally blind. My wife is sighted. We work things like this out with communication. I’d never ask her to miss work if I had a choice. But life doesn’t always work that way. Schedules don’t always mesh, and it’s harder since we had our baby.
But that said, your husband is being unreasonable. He’s probably having trouble adjusting if his vision loss was recent. But still it’s not okay to treat you like that.
Good luck on your job, by the way. Also, as a VI person, unfortunately he’ll have to learn to be on other people’s timeline because that’s how it works.

You're in the right, 100%. Even if I had to wait an hour I wouldn't bat an eye.

Kind of agree with what others said.

He is being unfair, but, might be because of some reason. Talking it out, nicely, not by shouting, I think that would be the way to go.

30 mins is not lot of time, I've waited for hours at times, simply because the friend got delayed or something. Just find a seet on a bench somewhere, and sit back, relax. As others said, poke around the phone or something, lissen to audio book or whatever.

Also, seems like you are managing remarkablly well as a partner to a disabled person. Hats off to ya! You are not only taking care of both husbend and child, but also actively trying to understand him, resolve issues. That's the way to go!

I loved my independence and *realllly* miss driving but he needs to chill. I don’t love running on other people time but I’m sure others don’t love having to take me everywhere and running on my time as well. It sucks either way.

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My so is blind and she would never freak out at ME like this. She might rant about how much it sucks to be blind and that everything in life has a blind tax, but she doesn't make it my fault if I need to drop her off early so I can get to work.
I'm pretty sure I've needed to drop her off an hour early or more at doctor's appointments to get to work on time.

Also, 30 minutes is nothing. No. He's just frustrated with his circumstance and taking it out on you, which isn't right.

You can let your work know you have a blind SO. My job is very understanding in our case. If they are not accommodating, then that's a red flag you've caught early on and they don't deserve you. Gl!

I don't see what vision has to do with agreeing to something and then getting mad when the reality of that agreement meets you before you've taken the time to consider what it would mean.

Him throwing in the stuff about not knowing his problems and then making a permanent reaction is not fair. It feels a way to punish you for his lack of clarity/consideration.

If he truly, validly needs to not wait 30 minutes, he should ask for clarity to avoid that situation. To just cut you out of it is isolating and retaliatory.

The real answer is to accept you've both learned that doesn't work for him (and that his reaction was inappropriate) and moving forward when there's a meeting at 9 that causes you to be late, he can manage it on his own like he has said he'd do in his reaction. Empower each other instead to take care of your needs. Not harm as punishment.

Thank you for this post. It helped point out something in my own life I need to work on.

Your husband finding his own way back and forth to work is a good thing. As long as the additional cost does not put too much long term financial burden on you family, him control and responsibility for how and when he gets places, like work, can be good for him. It will cost more and be less convenient, for him and everyone else involved, but it will help regain some of the control over his own life that he lost...and remove you from this problem, for now at least.

Loss of the freedom to pick up and transport myself where ever I wanted when ever I wanted has probably been one of the most frustrating things about coming to terms with my own vision loss. Whether it is public transportation, Uber/Lyft/Taxis, or family and friends where I can go and when I can get there are always in someone else's control. It can be particularly frustrating before you have accepted that your life has changed and are still mourning the loss of the way things were.

### How your post has helped me

Even though lashing out has been very rare for me, there have been times the frustrations have gotten to be great enough that I needed to vent and your post got me to think about the people I lashed out against.

I do not think I have ever lashed out against anyone that treated me as a fully, if differently, capable adult.

My targets have always been people that felt sorry for me for being less, instead of differently, capable and were willing to make excuses for my bad behavior because of it...those that were always walking on eggshells or tiptoeing around the issue. I have work to do here so thank you for your post.

### One more thing

Your children will learn from everything you do:

- When your husband acts less capable, or you treat him like he is, you are teaching them that blind people are less capable. As frustrating as it can be at times, I may have to do things differently since my vision loss but I am no less capable than I was before the loss.
- You are also teaching them how to treat and behave around the people they will be in relationships with. When he lashes out at you for things beyond your control or you make excuses for bad behavior you teach them to expect the same things in their own relationships.
- Children will witness the result of your actions towards one another even when you manage to successfully his the actions themselves and learn from that as well.

Thank you again for this post and do your best to enjoy the day.

You did everything right. Please don't take this personally.

Your husband took his frustration out on you, *but you're not the reason he's frustrated.* He's blind and he's male, so there's a double whammy when he has to ask for help.

Every man wants to feel respected and admired. Every man wants to feel he's equal to any task you put before him. We've all got something to prove. We all want to feel in control. Ever wonder why we never ask for directions? That's why. It feels like we're sacrificing our independence, relying on another to help us because we're too stoopid to navigate by ourselves.

Thank God for GPS. Without it, we'd still be lost.

But a man without eyesight is reminded every day he needs help. He's dependent. He's not in control. It's worse than asking for directions, he's asking for a ride! The horror! The shame! Our fragile masculinity hurts when we have to admit we can't get from here to there without the assistance of a grown-up.

You aren't at fault, you were just the nearest target for his overflowing emotions. This has everything to do with his frustrations and nothing to do with you.

His blindness is tramatic, but that does not escuse his disrespect. He is an adult and responsable for his own care. Take him at his word; let him figure out how to travel to work and home.

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Personlly, I'd say, "sounds great, will give me time to grab a Starbucks" in the morning and let him make his own way each morning. Give him a little time to realize how ungrateful he's being, and I'm sure he'll come back to you, hopefully.

Hi! Blind person (22) started a new job this week and am currently being given a lift in that means I turn up at 7:30 where as everyone arrives at 8:00,-8:30. Your fiance needs to get over himself and realise how lucky he is. 9:00 at the train station? Maybe things are different where he's from, but in the part of the UK I live in, if you're taking a taxi you'll pay £10 and arrive somewhere between 8:45 and 9:15. There are benches on the platform for a reason, not to mention, this is why audio books, a cup of coffee and such were invented. Trying not to rant myself honestly. What a jerk! He's super lucky, and I hope when he gets home heapologises, makes dinner, brings home flowers, and gets real with his entitlement. #rantoftheday

Personally I would try very hard not to do what your husband did there.

My approach to this is that it's my disability to deal with, and I will deal with it. I don't want people's impression of me to be affected by it any more than it absolutely has to be. It is my constant mission not to have to ask for help and not to ask people to go out of their way for me.

Even so if you are in a relationship, then you will see the harsh side every so often and this might be one of those times. I will never back away from saying, not being able to see is a pain in the butt of absolutely massive proportions, I do not like it and I will never say I do. It is my problem and I will deal with it but sometimes when someone has done something stupid or you are smarting over something careless someone said, it can start to get past your defences. You try never to show it because that's what makes you look weird and helpless, but if this is your guy, you will see that in him every so often because you are around each other so much.

So no you did not do anything wrong and maybe it was just that day that the thought of having to give up another half hour to the disability became too much and boiled over. I have done that to my significant other and he is the rock of ages for putting up with it. He knows what it is when it happens and I have apologised endlessly but at some point we all have a limit, and dealing with a serious disability will let you know very fast where those limits are.

You did nothing wrong. You communicated. He said okay.
He might just get frustrated and stressed with things just like I do now. Especially if he was sighted before. No more jumping into the car to do whatever, whenever. Crashing into trees while I cut the grass, missing spots. Taking longer to do things like trying to type this response and auto correct changes words. Stress.
That 30 minute wait would be 30 minutes less of cabin fever for me.
Like someone else in here said, a psychologist. I just had my check up from the neck up a couple of hours ago. I do it by phone every other week. Once in a while I share the appointment with my wife and she does the same with hers.
Every body has some kind of issue or stress. Stress will kill you, one way or another.
I do mine by phone since COVID and it is so much more convenient than having wifey drive me 30 miles one way.
Work, bills, significant other, new baby, transportation, food. Now add the visual impairment you both are dealing with as well as all that other stuff.
Since every situation is different, there are state agencies that assist visually impaired, there are low vision support groups, adaptive aids, videos on line how to do things posted by visually impaired. Maybe he can go to the gym to work off some stress, that's what I do. Some day, soon I hope, a self driving car, or at least an inexpensive car service for the visually impaired. No public transportation near me, and Uber and Lyft prices are crazy high and hardly available.
Maybe you can get him to follow this blind subreddit, seems like a low vision group with a lot of life experience.
But the psychologist, I really don't know where I would be now without that person on the outside looking in and the counseling.
And the state agency that helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel gets credit also.

No! You told him in advance and he said ok. Is it annoying to wait 30 minutes for a train, yeah sure, but you told him.

He might be better off going to the station himself, but he shouldn’t of been so rude about it.

Yeah, your husband was an asshole. When you calm down, have a conversation about that.
I personally wouldn’t feel bad for waiting a bit longer for my train. Life isn’t perfect, is it? He overreacted for sure IMO.

You did nothing wrong. It‘s good to let him know in advance, so he could dtill have made alternative plans. If waiting bothers him, he should‘ve looked up the train schedule and then maybe decide to take a taxi or something. It‘s not your job to make sure he can take a train convenient for him. It‘s not even your job driving him st all, so that‘s very nice of you.

As others have said, I think he was mostly frustrated about not being independent enough to make his own schedule and has to depend on you. It doesn‘t justify shouting at you in any way, obviously. Unfortunately, it‘s something that happens, because it‘s sometimes indeed really frustrating that sighted people can do things we can‘t and we depend on them to some degree. As we can‘t do what we want ourselves, shouldn‘t we at least get the best support possible? I think we very much should, but it is not our friends‘ and families‘ job to ensure that beside all their other commitments.
So, I suggest having a discussion about what he needs, how you can support him and most of all how his independence could be increased. The more independent one becomes, the less frustrating life will be.
For example, I live in walking distance from the train station in a town close to a big city (the walking distance was a top criterion when looking for a flat). In the city I had orientation and mobility training, so I know my way around the places I need. Since having my guide dog I even learnt to walk more between places instead of taking public transport. So, I have full independence on my journey to university and it‘s great to be able to handle these day-to-day things yourself.

I think you’re in the right especially since you had talked to him before. And he had said yes. This isn’t like this morning you decided you had to and suddenly decided to say okay I am dropping you off early I don’t fricking care if you like it or not. Okay fine in that case maybe he has a case.


Maybe he felt like he had no choice in the matter when he said yes though? But I also don’t know.

I don’t know him and what his personality is, but half an hour does seem like a long time to me. But it’s my particular personality as well. I am one of those people who on every personality system end up getting the workaholic type.I feel like the question do you know how to use every minute of your time to be made for me. People ask me if I have slept and they say I observe you don’t sleep. And I half joke with them I don’t and I don’t need sleep. So waiting at the train station with just my phone seems like a big waste of time. A lot of what i need to do needs a computer or a better concentration. I guess I could go on social media, and that’s what I often end up doing clearing off notifications efficiently, but it still seems like a waste of time. Depends on the day if I’d say yes or no. I overbook my schedule, don’t live a leisurely life, hardly play games or watch t.v. I literally just work and to have a bit of fun sometimes go on social media meanwhile. I have a lot to do. Stay up nights like today. Though there’s another reason for today and may think about a 4 hour nap in a bit.

I think in a lot of ways the ride issue can be difficult or worse for others. I have an unreliable ride situation and sometimes can secure rides but it doesn’t mean much, because everyone thinks their own stuff is much more important then mine. There’s no schedules, they need to do stuff everytime I need to go. It’s like let’s fricking go! It’s not funny anymore!!!!! I am going to be late! Sometimes they dilly dally and take forever to get out. Or don’t want to do it at the last second. Or spring a well I have to drop you off early or you’ll just have to go later and you have to be okay with it.


But as I said, if it was already prearranged no it shouldn’t have been a problem and he shouldn’t have blown up.

I described my situation. I’ve said similar myself because of what they give me here, more unreliable it seems then with you guys. But sometimes being driven around is the only options unless you do public transit and I could but because of covid and the recent crime rates going up I haven’t as much. I should admittedly. Public transport also takes a long time though.