You're not wrong at all. They're in the wrong for not listening to you, trusting you, or taking your feelings into account. Your sister in law is wrong. It's not selfish at all to want people to understand that you're competent, and that being blind doesn't make you helpless and unable to do anything alone.

Your sister telling you that your selfish for not realizing other people care about you is an incredibly backwards way of looking at this. If you talk to her about it again, you could try saying something like, "I realize other people care about me and are trying to help, but what would be truly helpful is giving me the space I need to do it on my own." You went blind, that's it. You didn't go stupid, you didn't become incompetent all of a sudden. Your family is allowing this new thing to define you, and that's not okay. Tell them you're the one living with the disability, not them. So it's up to you and you alone to decide what you're capable of doing.

Unfortunately, family reacts this way sometimes. I'm completely blind from birth, moved across the country and back, I even have a child and my family still treats me this way. My best advice to you is to put your foot down, stay firm in your decision. Your family is going to make you feel like an asshole, but you're not. You have the right to live your life, and it's up to you to demand that from them. It sounds like they're more concerned with their comfort than yours, and honestly? That's what's selfish.

I am 22 and my parents still treat me like that sometimes.

I prevaile by taking charge, showing confidence on every step, and making damn sure that I do the things properly to enculcate that confidence among my parents. Their help is absolutely welcomed, hell, it's needed at times. But, you can try to comunicate that a grown up person, blind or disabled he may be, would like to get on his feets and do the things his own ways at times. If they don't understand, take the charge any way. Chances are you might not succeed, but you chawk that up to learning experience.

BTW, did you say your island? You have an island of your own? You king or something?

I hate this. It’s harmful for old blind people. Young and old. Younger because it makes them feel like they can’t do anything because if they’re over bearing relatives and other side of people telling women what they can and can’t do. And all that because that reinforces the stereotype that blind people are helpless children and that once you go blind you’re not gonna be able to work. Which you very much can work. It’s also harmful because the more cited people do this, the more that same stereotype is going to be emphasized inside communities. Which will keep leading to the negative betrayal of blind people. It’s pretty much just a vicious cycle. And it’s kind of hard to break out of. But I’m glad you’re trying.

I hate saying this but here goes and usually I don’t advocate for this but sometimes extreme cases calls for extreme measures. I wouldn’t do this for anything else and I am usually polite.


But the saying it’s often easier to ask for forgiveness then for permission. My parents use to do this a lot and sometimes hold money or transport over my head but I can ride buses and transport if I want to.

The thing is this. They use to do the same to me. So I did it anyway, and left and did things and they would scold but you just let them. Or you refuse to listen and you learn to do it with 0 help from them.

Sometimes I would even sneak out. I don’t often break rules or sneak around and I don’t condone it but when there is no other options at all.

I went and rode buses and trains myself. And I’d come home and talk about it.

I am certain if I asked them and told them I was going to go to starbucks and meet up with a internet rando who was also blind they’d be so against it. So I went myself walked to starbucks and met him. I did it twice. I talk about it afterwards openly to my parents and others. I’ve met a few people from the internet now maybe a good dozen, from my trip out east too.

I always wanted to be a patriot and visit our historical landmarks in this country. My parents let me go but wanted an update every night. I said no I am not going to do this and sometimes I got home at 2 or 3 in the morning. Sometimes earlier.


Sometimes you just have to plain out shout back. I had to fight the system, fight my parents and now thankfully prayerfully. I have much much more independence. I want to go do it now I go do it. I have went back on relying on rides there and back because of covid but if I want to go I can go anywhere. To the beach sure. No one stopping me, out for breakfast, yeah, sure.

You’re allowed to be selfish when it comes to caring for yourself. They’re not always going to be there. I’d also figure they’d want you to be as capable as possible. Remind them that you’re aware they’re willing to help and you’ll ask for assistance if you require it.

I think you are explaining it quite well.

I'd emphasize that your being independent helps all of you. Your family may not be around forever and if there is an emergency you need to be able to navigate by yourself.

Just like when you were a child you learned how to do things by yourself.

Your family is thinking of their own anxiety and comfort, not yours.

I'm sorry this stinks and I hope they can understand.

HI OP
Do you mind me asking, how old you are? I agree with what the other reply said, they are wrong, and I also totally agree with you, that knowing that people think differently about you, whether that's worry, being patronising, whatever, and you know the only reason is because you are blind, that's shit. And this is coming from someone blind from birth. I hear you, and your feelings are right, and valid, and should be listened to and respected

I'm 28 and my parents still treat me like this... Honestly your not in the wrong at all. you need to have the chance to spread your wings and prove them wrong.

You aren't wrong! I (39f) started going blind from AZOOR back in April. We've reached a point now where I'm actively telling my husband and my kids and my sister and her kids not to help me unless I ask for it. There are minor exceptions, like being in a store I've never been in and displays right in the pathways that have breakables on them, so today my sister warned me to step left, which is my fully blind eye. Stuff like that's ok. But damn it, I can check the mail. I can walk through the forest to my sister's because I know that trail like the back of my hand. Every root, every vine, and almost every bramble bush. Those still snag me sometimes, but my nephews cut them back weekly, they're good kids.

Anyways, you got this. Set your boundaries and by God, stick to them. And if someone wants to get pissy or be shitty about it, tell them to go take a shit in the ocean. After all, you live on an island, it ain't far lol

You're an adult. Whatever their reasons are, sometimes it's worth giving them the treatment of just completely blanking out their concerns and ignoring them. The only way they'll see you can do things on your own is by you doing them, and the only way you'll be doing them is if you ignore their concerns and insist. I can't imagine they'll lock you up.

You are not wrong at all! Ive had people arpund me the whole time ive had lwo visipn, and hpnestly things can feel much mroe rewarding when you do them yourself. Exploring the place you live, trying out a new hobby, etc. While having help is fine, if you know you can do it on your own ypu should be allowed to. Especially if it makes it easier for everyone involved and soemtimes it works out way better anyways. (Example- i have trouble with stairs going down, due to vision and balance and while i do usually take the help there i dont really need the same support on flat ground and it's counterproductive to have someone leading me when i just need to walk down a flat surfaced hallway.

When we are diagnosed with visual impairment or blindness, society relegates us as second-class citizens. Our roles change and we become receivers of care. It is our responsibility to change the way society views visual impairment by continually pushing the limits of our society's biases.

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For me, learning echolocation liberated me beyond belief.

You are not wrong. You've probably received rehab training to learn how to navigate with your cane and training to be more independent. Consider that your family did not receive this training, so for them going blind is devastating because they don’t understand alternative techniques. They close their eyes and they determine that they would not be safe walking without a guide.
Consider having a sitdown meeting with your family and the professionals that provided training, discuss what you learn and help them understand.
Their concirn is honest, and I would not encourage you to leave and disstance yourself from family because they love you and want to help you.

Sure they care about you but removing your independence isn’t the answer to that. Parents do that to their blind kids so frequently and I find it annoying they either help too much or do what mine did and tell me that I don’t need my cane. It’s coming from a place of love and ignorance. Emphasis on the ignorance.

I had to basically duck out of my family’s home because of abuse but a major part of it was me being blind and them refusing to let me even go in the backyard! (Ie: you can’t go outside! You need to tell me!!) I was 18 and now I’m 21+, so while I hope you don’t have to do that, it would be a good idea on entering housing lists and whatnot.

u have to stand up for yourself, its ur life

You’re not wrong. Your feelings are valid and I think most of us experience this when we first get diagnosed with any type of disability. Be firm in explaining that the best way for them to help you is to wait for you to ask for help. If they still refuse, you may need to find ways to get away from the situation.

You're not wrong to want to be treated like a capable adult, but I think understanding where your family is coming from would help.Your blindness is still new to them, and they're probably more aware of how much they rely on their sight, and not seeing how one could manage without it. They don't see a world you can function in because they don't know how to see it.

It would probably help if they saw how you navigated the world. Take them on walks to good restaurants and make sure you're taking the lead. Talk them into walking with you whenever they offer to drive so that they can see that you've got this. When they see you getting around safely and with confidence, their confidence in your abilities should improve, and the babying should hopefully stop.

If talking like an adult doesn’t work, be rude. But first, try saying what you wrote on this post to them. It’s super okay to help, but not when people don’t actually care about how we feel or if we want / need help.

I moved to the opposite end of the state and out of state at one point in my life. but yeah my family is cool and let me be independent.