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Blind and Visually Impaired Community

Full History - 2022 - 07 - 29 - ID#wb8t3k
7
CROSSPOST FROM R/DISABILITY: how can i help my visually impaired boyfriend? (self.disability)
submitted by [deleted]
[deleted]
razzretina 5 points 11m ago
Getting him on Medicaid is a big first step. Through them he should be able to get therapy after discussing it with his primary care physician (everything on Medicaid is through referrrals). He may be eligible for SSI or SSDI as well. Check with the local Social Security Administration as well as local human services.

The big thing though is that he needs his own autonomy as well. He needs to feel like he's contributing in this relationship. Your post reads kind of like you want to do everything for him and that is going to lead to resentment on both sides down the road. He needs time to adjust and some blindness skills training (see if he can work with Vocational Rehabilitation) and it sounds like he needs to do a lot of work with himself as wel. I'm speaking as someone who is blind with ptsd here, there's a lot of stuff nobody can do for him, he has to put in the work and time.

Supporting him while he works on this stuff is good and you can help him with paperwork if he needs that. He's not helpless just because he's blind and dealing with a lot of stuff mentally, there's just some changes in life he is probably going to need to make and he'll appreciate some help with that.
ireallylikechikin 3 points 11m ago
i forgot to mention he is starting medicaid but hasn't received much info in the mail yet so he's like, on it but he hasn't picked a package yet or something? It's a work in progress and he'll be ready to go soon. probably within a couple weeks.

he does most of the house work at the moment while im at work. he wants to make himself useful and I'm very thankful for that- he's not lazy or moochy by any means and he's very skilled at things he can do. he just is not able to get to a job where he can do that stuff, since driving is not an option and we have no public transportation here :/

i can try to get him into rehabilitation but based on his mental health, don't think he's ready to jump into a public workforce yet. our old boss was super awful to him because of his disability and he seems to be really hesitant to have another issue like that. i can bring it up to him to help get the ball rolling and I do hope he's willing to make an effort but i don't want to force anything onto him.

edit: OH, one more thing about SSDI. he has applied! he just needs to get with a doctor sometime soon. so once medicare rolls in thats the first step.

thank you!
razzretina 5 points 11m ago
Oh that's all very good to hear!

Voc Rehab isn't just about going to work, they offer a lot of in home and life skills training that he may find very useful.
Rethunker 3 points 11m ago
If you think of encouraging and supporting your boyfriend's increased independence, versus thinking of things you can do to help, the slight difference in perspective could help steer you toward slightly different actions.

"Help" is a word that sometimes means not setting personal limits. Offering to help can mean assuming more responsibility than is healthy for you or for him. I'm not trying to be overly picky about using this word or that, especially since you close your post using the word "support."

This may seem weird, but I'd suggest keeping tracking of what support works and what doesn't work by keeping track in a log.

For example, if your boyfriend typically takes one trip away from home on his own every week, what might you do to encourage him to average two trips away from home in a week? Maybe you could make a regular habit of walking to a local park together, which could encourage him (maybe?) to go to the park on his own sometimes.

If he talked to one or two strangers last month, could he feel comfortable enough to talk to three strangers this month? What might support him in doing that: joining a group that meets on Zoom every month? making a point of hanging out with a neighbor now and then? Rather than go somewhere new to meet new people, perhaps it's a start to just visit the place a few times at a time when fewer people are present, and then work up to visiting when people are more likely to be there.

If your boyfriend wouldn't meet requirements to receive services for the blind and visually impaired, then maybe you could encourage him to join a community group for people with visual impairments. Community groups may accept anyone who wants to join.

Even if I'm off base with all that, I'd suggest starting with something small. Make one change and see if it helps. Stick with it for a while. Then try another change.
SiriuslyGranger 2 points 11m ago
Get him o&m training and assistive tech training. Also ils training.
ireallylikechikin 1 points 11m ago
thank you, what is ILS? i only see life support training for healthcare professionals
SiriuslyGranger 2 points 11m ago
Independent living skills training.
Guer0Guer0 2 points 11m ago
What town/city are you in? Paratransit may be an option for both of you.
ireallylikechikin 2 points 11m ago
thanks! im in Clinton, MI
Rethunker 1 points 11m ago
Given how close(ish) you are to Ann Arbor, some activities there might be fun to join. Sometimes a change of scenery is good. During the summer, as long as you avoid Art Fair and other big touristy events, it's quite nice to walk around during the day. It's more crowded when U of M starts back up.

EDIT: I just read your post more closely and realized that a trip to Ann Arbor may involve an expense that could be hard to justify. But perhaps there's a park or somewhere near Clinton you could visit--just something away from home.

I wouldn't suggest taking a trip for the first time (stressful) and having a heavy conversation on that same trip. But if you can find a place away from home to visit semi-regularly, then once you're both comfortable there it **might** be a good place to have certain conversations as long as your boyfriend doesn't feel trapped. I'm just thinking that having certain conversations at home may mean thinking of all the ties to home, and thinking of all the impacts of any decision, whereas having a chat someone relaxing away from home could loosen things up a bit. Maybe.
ireallylikechikin 2 points 11m ago
thats not a bad idea tbh, we sorta wanted to do something like that this year around the holidays, i.e take a lil weekend trip somewhere in the state for a day and hang out. my sister is always willing to roadtrip so i think that could help cut down cost, and my boyfriend adores walking and parks so thats an even better idea. thank you!
Rethunker 2 points 11m ago
Sure! There are lots of green spaces in and around Ann Arbor. Actually, walk about 10 - 15 minutes away from the downtown area in most directions and it becomes noticeably less populated and more woodsy. But downtown is cool, too. I used to live in Ann Arbor, and generally I walked everywhere on the weekends.

Ypsinlanti's got plenty to do, too.

I'd recommend to anyone a visit to Leader Dogs for the Blind in Rochester, and not because we're here on r/Blind. A little farther north, in downtown Rochester, there are plenty of shops to visit. The town's known for its Christmas lights, if you're into that sort of thing. At any time of year you could easily spend a few hours walking around, especially if you visit the municipal park (close to which is a great cheese shop). The annual festival called Arts & Apples is September 9th in Rochester.

Once you pass north of Rochester you start to get long breaks between towns. There are some cool historic towns to visit in the area. Though I haven't been to Romeo in a while, I remember it as having an interesting mix of historic bits, standard Michigan bits (e.g. berry picking in summer, apple picking in the fall), and its own unique things to do.

Out west, Saugatuck, Holland, and Grand Rapids are worth visiting. As you go north up the coast of Lake Michigan you get into the smaller towns fast. Sometimes picking a town that has "just one thing" to do can be fun.
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