Im at the start of chapter 6 where Winston, hater and rebel against the party, a man who lived his entire life swelling with hatred against Big Brother, a man we have grown to know and love, a man we have experienced struggle and happiness with through out the whole book, struggle which invariably involved hate towards the party, is sitting infront of a telescreen, deeply invested in the Party's propaganda. At the start of the book, he wrote in his diary how the party could change reality, make you say anything they want, but one thing they could not do was know what was inside your mind. You couldn't know that sometimes. Even if they could, so what? They can't change it. They can torture you to death, but with your last breath, you would still have nothing but hate towards your torturers.

If what's left of Winston was to have this thought now, he would stop it using **CRIMESTOP.** However, he would not, he has trained himself to not even have rebellious thoughts now. Once he used to look at his comrades shouting with hatred towards Eastasia or Eurasia, whoever the party was at war with and he used to be disgusted by their sheepishness. Only 4 years ago the hated enemy was our ally. "*Am I the only one with memory?"* he once wondered. Now he sits infront of a telescreen, watching propaganda, with the utmost concern about the war. Feeling a spark of hate and fury towards the enemy. We know this is just the start. We know he will soon be like his comrades he used to be disgusted by. He will soon have no memory.

Among all this, he seems to have completely forgetten what he did the previous chapter. I'm not very into romance novels. But the book managed to really hook me with his relationship with Julia. She is basically the only other person he knew who had memory. The only one that proves to him he is not insane. Only one he ever remembered loving. Only one apart from his mother who ever loved him. They knew they would eventually be caught and killed. They knew they would be forced to betray each other. Nonetheless, they were just content knowing they would die loving each other.

The last time we saw Winston, he genuinely wanted rabid rats to bury into Julia's skull. That's why the book is terrifying for me. I'm very into sociology and psychology, so I knew going in, I was gonna be very invested in this. 1984 sets a dystopian, suffocating and hopeless world. We know from the start that Winston and Julia are going to die. We know the party will not be overthrown. However, we are given little, pathetic slivers of hope during the book. Something as obvious and demeaning as: yes they will die, but atleast they will die loving each other and having control over their own thoughts. Something as depressing as, yes they will die as unsung members of the Brotherhood and their work may not show fruit for centuries if ever.

The book spends the last few chapters tearing even these crumbs of hope down one by one. You feel with Winston, the complete helplessness, despair and suffocating nature of his existence. It is pure terror. I love it.