Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind
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Hiding in the bathroom (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by imalittleteapot96
TL;DR Mental health training triggered me last night and now I’m really embarrassed and afraid to go into work.
So I’ve never posted anything on Reddit before, but I really need some advice/encouragement/community. I’m gonna do my best to make a really long story short.
When I was away at college a few years ago, I wound up in a sexually/emotionally abusive relationship, and after breaking away from it I decided to file a report against him via the Title IX office, which was in place at my school to (among other things) protect victims of sexual assault. This was October of 2016. Basically through the Fall that year I battled pretty severe PTSD, resulting in crippling anxiety and depression. My life spiraled out of control while I fought, along with my allies, tooth and nail. We lost the Title IX case, and every appeal thereafter, due largely to the bureaucracy of the school, false promises of those who were supposed to be on my side, and the fact that, because we had been in a relationship, he *obviously* could not have raped me.
I dropped out of school, gave up on my dreams, moved home, took up drinking, excessive shopping, reckless driving, and casual sex.
Over the past 3 years I’ve worked my butt off to rebuild myself. Through counseling, medication, time, and a whole lot of trust and love, I am now married to an amazing man, and can truly say that I love myself. I still go through rough patches, but I’m happy overall.
Lately things have been rough just because of the time of year (Fall 2016 was the downhill slide). In addition, my hormones are a little out of wack, which has messed with my meds. I’ve been pretty low these past couple of weeks, and hit (what I thought was) rock bottom, two days ago. Yesterday was my first “good” day.
And then we had mental health training at Sbux.
I got through about half of it, but once we got to the definitions and signs of PTSD, I absolutely lost it. For days I had been telling myself that I wasn’t slipping, that I was just tired, etc. It was at that moment that everything overwhelmed me, and I ended up fleeing to the bathroom to have a meltdown.
A little while later my shift and a partner came to check on me. Only one person knows about my past - I’m extremely high-functioning, so even when my mental health slips, it’s hard to tell. I didn’t tell them what was going on, besides the obvious, that I had been triggered by the training module.
The day before this, I had called out. On the day of the training, my shift said I could go home. I am in a better place today, with a game plan, but I feel SO embarrassed. I feel like no one will believe me when I attribute the last couple of days to poor mental health. I don’t really want to talk about it, but I can’t just brush it off like nothing happened.
I could use some Sbux advice. I know what I need to do on my own, but I am terrified to go to work today after last night.
So I’ve never posted anything on Reddit before, but I really need some advice/encouragement/community. I’m gonna do my best to make a really long story short.
When I was away at college a few years ago, I wound up in a sexually/emotionally abusive relationship, and after breaking away from it I decided to file a report against him via the Title IX office, which was in place at my school to (among other things) protect victims of sexual assault. This was October of 2016. Basically through the Fall that year I battled pretty severe PTSD, resulting in crippling anxiety and depression. My life spiraled out of control while I fought, along with my allies, tooth and nail. We lost the Title IX case, and every appeal thereafter, due largely to the bureaucracy of the school, false promises of those who were supposed to be on my side, and the fact that, because we had been in a relationship, he *obviously* could not have raped me.
I dropped out of school, gave up on my dreams, moved home, took up drinking, excessive shopping, reckless driving, and casual sex.
Over the past 3 years I’ve worked my butt off to rebuild myself. Through counseling, medication, time, and a whole lot of trust and love, I am now married to an amazing man, and can truly say that I love myself. I still go through rough patches, but I’m happy overall.
Lately things have been rough just because of the time of year (Fall 2016 was the downhill slide). In addition, my hormones are a little out of wack, which has messed with my meds. I’ve been pretty low these past couple of weeks, and hit (what I thought was) rock bottom, two days ago. Yesterday was my first “good” day.
And then we had mental health training at Sbux.
I got through about half of it, but once we got to the definitions and signs of PTSD, I absolutely lost it. For days I had been telling myself that I wasn’t slipping, that I was just tired, etc. It was at that moment that everything overwhelmed me, and I ended up fleeing to the bathroom to have a meltdown.
A little while later my shift and a partner came to check on me. Only one person knows about my past - I’m extremely high-functioning, so even when my mental health slips, it’s hard to tell. I didn’t tell them what was going on, besides the obvious, that I had been triggered by the training module.
The day before this, I had called out. On the day of the training, my shift said I could go home. I am in a better place today, with a game plan, but I feel SO embarrassed. I feel like no one will believe me when I attribute the last couple of days to poor mental health. I don’t really want to talk about it, but I can’t just brush it off like nothing happened.
I could use some Sbux advice. I know what I need to do on my own, but I am terrified to go to work today after last night.
mellababy 5 points 3y ago
Hey love. I had to call out a few weeks ago due to mental health reasons. I had a relationship in the past that involved sexual/emotional/physical abuse, and I have worked my way back out of that funk like you have. But it still comes back to haunt me occasionally and my mental health will slip. Things don’t just disappear from your life, we just have to figure out how to move forward from them as I’m sure you know by now.
Anyway, I did call out and got my shift covered. The next shift I worked, I was alone with my shift manager and store manager. They asked if I was okay and about what happened, and I just talked to them about it. Obviously, everyone is different and not all people will be AS caring as my managers. I may have gotten lucky with them. Regardless, they just said they were glad I was feeling better and that Starbs is now trying to be more sensitive to mental illness with their partners. They’re supposed to be working on getting an app free for us that does meditation type stuff.
I guess my point is, we’re all human and Starbs is supposed to recognize that. Your coworkers are human too and I’m sure they have people in their personal lives who have struggled with mental illness. There’s a lot of us out here, I promise you are not alone ❤️
Anyway, I did call out and got my shift covered. The next shift I worked, I was alone with my shift manager and store manager. They asked if I was okay and about what happened, and I just talked to them about it. Obviously, everyone is different and not all people will be AS caring as my managers. I may have gotten lucky with them. Regardless, they just said they were glad I was feeling better and that Starbs is now trying to be more sensitive to mental illness with their partners. They’re supposed to be working on getting an app free for us that does meditation type stuff.
I guess my point is, we’re all human and Starbs is supposed to recognize that. Your coworkers are human too and I’m sure they have people in their personal lives who have struggled with mental illness. There’s a lot of us out here, I promise you are not alone ❤️
imalittleteapot96 [OP] 2 points 3y ago
Thank you. This was so helpful. I talked to my ASM today, and she was really understanding and supportive. I feel really lucky to work for a company that actually cares about its employees wellbeing’s. I hate that so many of us have had tough experiences like these, but I also really feel the love.
ghost_love666 2 points 3y ago
If you’re not already going to therapy, take advantage of the benefits!! They offer you 6 free therapy sessions for every problem you’re going through. Take care of yourself and don’t overwork yourself during this time, love! I hope your store is as family like and supportive as my store is! If you can find fellow baristas that you trust, you can really lean on them for support when you need it!
nahhhhnottoday 2 points 3y ago
First don’t feel ashamed. You experienced it. It wasn’t your fault (in case you need to hear that!).
Second... I haven’t done that training but I have CPTSD from childhood that then was exacerbated by a relationship like you described. And I couldn’t file a report for your exact reasons so I get it. I worry it will trigger me, too.
You removed yourself, you’ve taken a deep breath... and you know you’re safe now.
Never be ashamed. Of what happened TO you or how your brain responds now protecting you.
I’m so sorry... but you are not alone.
You are doing so much better ❤️
Second... I haven’t done that training but I have CPTSD from childhood that then was exacerbated by a relationship like you described. And I couldn’t file a report for your exact reasons so I get it. I worry it will trigger me, too.
You removed yourself, you’ve taken a deep breath... and you know you’re safe now.
Never be ashamed. Of what happened TO you or how your brain responds now protecting you.
I’m so sorry... but you are not alone.
You are doing so much better ❤️
HadADreamA1000times 1 points 3y ago
This!!! Beautifully said.
turnedtechGodhead 1 points 3y ago
I suffer from really bad depression and anxiety and I've had to step away to calm myself down in the bathroom too. Don't feel ashamed for taking care of yourself at work. You're doing fantastic, sometimes we all need a little breather!
Sending good vibes your way. 💙
Sending good vibes your way. 💙
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