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Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind

Full History - 2020 - 01 - 20 - ID#er9cnm
4
opinions on nicknames(?) (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by hexedwitch
I’m quite terrible with names (and I’m still quite new) so I often say things like “sorry hon” or “thanks dude” etc. Today, I was squeezing past a coworker (who I’ve never worked with before) and I said “excuse me hon, I’m right behind you!” and she looks at me like I just called her some terrible name.

her: “Uh, can you NOT call me hon. You can call me, (insert name).”
me: “Sure, I’m sorry, I just didn’t know your name, it won’t happen again.”

So the interaction was short, sweet and to the point, but I honestly felt so terrible?? I mean she seriously looked offended (and sounded really angry at the same time?). I’ve heard tons of other co-workers use names like this and they don’t seem upset? Is it appropriate to keep using them (and just avoid it with this lady)??
Jewicer 7 points 3y ago
Even though you said it in a positive manner, hon/honey can come off as condescending to many people, especially if you’re not a significantly older person lol. Same with sweetie. From the sentence alone, she probably just thought you were being snooty.
coffeeslinger2000 8 points 3y ago
I agree. I can’t stand when people call me hun/hon, especially if we’re in the same age bracket.
hexedwitch [OP] 1 points 3y ago
I understand, I’ll keep that in mind.
mango_drango 4 points 3y ago
You can use them if you’d like, just understand that some people don’t like them. I don’t like them but I also hate confrontation so I just deal with it. You could say “excuse me” or “right behind ya” instead.
hexedwitch [OP] 3 points 3y ago
That’s fair! I don’t like confrontation either, so I was just taken back by her reaction (but I totally understand that some people might not like them). You have a good point; I’ll probably drop them altogether. I really don’t want anything like this to happen again.
annoyinglyuseless 3 points 3y ago
I was raised in the south, but also was raised by my Mexican mother who absolutely detested someone calling another person anything other than their names. And for a Mexican family, that’s really something. Like, if my cousin’s name was Jose, he couldn’t be called Joe/Joey/Pepe/etc. But we also live in Texas and a lot of people would call us Dear/Honey/Sweetie/etc. So, for me, I can be called all of that, if the person is significantly older, or you can absolutely tell it’s in their roots (idk if this makes sense), but if it’s someone my age, or younger, it drives me insane, especially coming from a male, like it literally feels like my blood is just turning hot. I feel belittled or like their trying to be above me. And I know it’s not the reason, but idk.. that’s just how I was raised. I’m so sorry you had that reaction tho, I probably would’ve said something to you too, but I mean, if you’ve never worked together, at least she could’ve been nicer or more delicate about it.
hexedwitch [OP] 2 points 3y ago
There’s so many factors to this that I really never imagined. I’m glad I asked about this publicly (and behind the scenes with my other coworkers). I really wouldn’t have ever thought of all this. It makes sense. I do wish she would’ve approached it differently because I never came from a place of malice. :(
annoyinglyuseless 2 points 3y ago
Of course, and there was no need to be so snappy if you haven’t worked together! I had one coworker that kept calling me a variation from my name, but he was a male, and was trying to just break the ice and make everyone laugh the whole shift. But it just felt weird, you know..? So after my shift, I just had to talk to him and kindly ask for him to stop calling me that simply because I didn’t appreciate it and I just like being called by my name or even my middle name. He understood, apologized, and told me to have a great day, and he was really nice about it. I told him there was no need for an apology, but just so I didn’t one day snap at him because I just didn’t really like it. But now we’re good and we talk just fine and work fine. So she could’ve handled it a lot better too..
xXTCandiCaneTXx 3 points 3y ago
I’m completely fine with things like that due to living in the south. It’s just kinda a thing I hear everywhere. I don’t mind of corse.
Now I hear a lot of northern women find it offensive and gross due to it being related to cat calling and some women feel like only a SO should call them that.
Id just respect that she’d rather not be called that, and call her by her name.
hexedwitch [OP] 2 points 3y ago
Right, I’m sure its just a person’s preference. I hope I didn’t offend her, but unfortunately she seemed pretty mad about it. She was kind of passive aggressive with me after it (and for the rest of the shift too). Guess I’ll just commit her name to memory (and try to not piss her off in another way). 😅
mx1_jawbreaker 2 points 3y ago
I'm ashamed to say that I've been that coworker who gets offended at "sweet" nicknames like "hon", "honey", "sweetie", "darling", and so on -- I'm a very masculine person, and so whenever somebody uses something "girly" toward me, it often comes across as invalidating.

My advice! I would say to ask her about it. Be like "hey, sorry I forgot your name. What was it again? What nicknames are you okay with people using for you?" -- it may be as simple as switching out "hon" for "dude", or calling her an abbreviated version of her name that's easy to remember. If all else fails, opting for just going "on your left!" / "behind you!" is normal cafe manners.
hexedwitch [OP] 1 points 3y ago
I don’t see this person often so I bet she’s honestly forgotten about it. If I think of it the next time I see her, then I might talk to her about it. I just don’t like confrontation.
Bellephix 2 points 3y ago
People suck. Sounds like her problem.

Keep your head high and let it roll off your back. You had no ill intent, and if she is gonna let an endearing common nickname get to her like that, shes not worth your time nor your distress.
glossysejin 2 points 3y ago
I wouldnt let it get to you—ik this might be a little extreme, but i know i hate nicknames unless its a variation of my name bc it makes me feel uncomfortable but if you didnt know this persons name how else would you address them??
hexedwitch [OP] 1 points 3y ago
And that was really my issue. I really didn’t know her name and I didn’t want to be rude and just say “hey you” or just shout “hey!” as I was moving through. I’m sure I could’ve just said “excuse me” and moved along my way, but I try to be a little bit friendly/personal with my coworkers. I’d like to build friendships with them, but by the way this interaction went/how she treated me the rest of the day, I don’t know if that’s entirely possible. I’ll just be cordial from now on without names like that.
nosmokingz0ne 2 points 3y ago
Hon is a term of endearment. This coworker just sounds like they’re offended by everything blowing up on you like that.
hexedwitch [OP] 1 points 3y ago
After this happened, I’ve heard that this coworker is just kind of more strict about things so I guess I’ll just keep that in mind. 🙃
[deleted] 1 points 3y ago
[deleted]
sarahkate2011 1 points 3y ago
I’m in the group that hates being called “hon” or “honey” regardless of the context. I don’t know why it drives me nuts but just don’t do it.
hexedwitch [OP] 1 points 3y ago
Gotcha, and to be honest, until yesterday, I had actually never met anyone who disliked it. It seemed like my coworkers were comfortable with names (as I think I mentioned my coworkers all do it) so I guess I just stepped on the wrong toes. I’m just not going to use them there, I don’t feel like making anyone feel weird or being confronted again for something like that either.
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