I’m putting in my notice today before work.

When I first started working here around August, I loved it. It seemed so organized compared to my last job (cosmetologist working at a terribly run salon), though it was a huge cut in pay, it was worth the decrease in stress I felt in the workplace. Not anymore. The past month-two months, I’ve been at my max. I can’t seem to avoid having panic attacks, before and during my shift. Our customers are the biggest assholes I’ve ever dealt with, and I’ve worked every type of retail job you can imagine. The fact that we only have two people on the shift at all times is utterly ridiculous! They expect you to keep up with “customer connections” plus 1000 other things that should be split between three more people than you have. How the fuck am I supposed to stock, make drinks, talk to customers that *clearly* don’t want to be acknowledged or bothered, clean the lobby, front slide, take out the trash (we’re inside of a mall, it’s a five minute walk to the dumpster), do the dishes, and be 100% okay. Then I get reminded that our SM has “1000 other applications that would KILL to have our job”. What a joke. This company is a JOKE.

I had a miscarriage last week, I decided not to make a big deal about it, my husband and I took it as a sign that we weren’t ready for a baby anyway. I didn’t tell anyone at work and went in at my normal time. My shift lead of the day was in a really weird mood, come to find out they are transferring to a different store due to some drama happening in our store. They seemed really short and kept pushing rules they normally don’t make a big deal about. Our old SM was in the store at the time and was “spying” on us and at the same time waiting for this shift lead to get off work so they could hangout. I was drowning in drinks and my shift lead was talking to this SM while watching me struggle. Then they (SL) came up to me on bar and asked me “perk up”, “step it up a few notches” and to “at least put a smile on”. I was dumbfounded. I have never in my life heard such a statement. I’m usually a very happy person at work. I try to leave everything at home and this was just one of those things I couldn’t shake. I wasn’t in a bad mood, I wasn’t moping, I wasn’t frowning. I thought my expression was pretty neutral. It set me over the edge. I had to hold back tears and try to smile, while thinking about the unborn child I just lost the day before. But our guests drinks are more important than anything, clearly.

Sorry about the format I’m on mobile and also not in the best of moods while writing this. I just need someone to relate with me on this. Please tell me this isn’t normal.