Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind
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Where are all my socially anxious baristas at? (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by PossibleWishbone1
The other day at work I was on hand-off (or what’s supposed to be hand-off...) and I had a manager closely monitor my interaction with customers. When we started to die down, they (manager) pulled me to the side and gave me feedback that I needed to be more “energetic” and “vibrant”.
I’ve always received this critique from all the jobs I’ve worked at. I’ve done retail, food service and call centers and back to food service and this was always my main critique.
The truth is, it’s just very unlike me to put on a fake persona of being “lively”. I’ve been shy my whole life and due to the environment I grew up in (having a strict parent) and being bullied, I felt trapped & silenced & that “shyness” developed into social anxiety and locked itself in. I’ve had countless amounts of people telling me they’re gonna “break me out of my shell” and it never works because they realize I’m just not like that. I’ve gone through intense amounts of medicine, therapy, coaching, etc ever since I was a child and well into my adulthood I’m still a very anxious person.
I realized that a lot of customers like it when I’m myself. I’ve had great interactions with customers even when I’m clearly down in the dumps. I get that energy goes a long way but some people just want to hear the words “have a good day” no matter how much energy is behind it.
I’m always going to have to deal with people, yes I know but I’m honestly working towards a career where my interactions are little to none or where customer service isn’t the main priority. I think people with work from home jobs are so lucky. Yes, they still have to communicate with people but being face-to-face is so intimidating.
It’s honestly way more than just being “shy”. It’s hard to try to strike up a conversation with people I don’t know from a hole in the wall. I like my job but I’ve had my social anxiety longer than I’ve had my employment at Starbucks so it’s not something that’s just going to “go away”. I’m not a social chameleon but everyone would like to think so.
What are your experiences with having social anxiety and how has it impacted your life?
I’ve always received this critique from all the jobs I’ve worked at. I’ve done retail, food service and call centers and back to food service and this was always my main critique.
The truth is, it’s just very unlike me to put on a fake persona of being “lively”. I’ve been shy my whole life and due to the environment I grew up in (having a strict parent) and being bullied, I felt trapped & silenced & that “shyness” developed into social anxiety and locked itself in. I’ve had countless amounts of people telling me they’re gonna “break me out of my shell” and it never works because they realize I’m just not like that. I’ve gone through intense amounts of medicine, therapy, coaching, etc ever since I was a child and well into my adulthood I’m still a very anxious person.
I realized that a lot of customers like it when I’m myself. I’ve had great interactions with customers even when I’m clearly down in the dumps. I get that energy goes a long way but some people just want to hear the words “have a good day” no matter how much energy is behind it.
I’m always going to have to deal with people, yes I know but I’m honestly working towards a career where my interactions are little to none or where customer service isn’t the main priority. I think people with work from home jobs are so lucky. Yes, they still have to communicate with people but being face-to-face is so intimidating.
It’s honestly way more than just being “shy”. It’s hard to try to strike up a conversation with people I don’t know from a hole in the wall. I like my job but I’ve had my social anxiety longer than I’ve had my employment at Starbucks so it’s not something that’s just going to “go away”. I’m not a social chameleon but everyone would like to think so.
What are your experiences with having social anxiety and how has it impacted your life?
ReroFunk 22 points 3y ago
Honestly I find that a lot of customers appreciate a less outgoing jovial tone. I deal with it by putting on a more relaxing and soothing aura on at work. I can tell people like it too (I've always hated my voice but I've gotten a lot of compliments about my voice being "calming" from drive thru customers). Not everyone appreciates the outgoing attitude especially at 5 in the morning. Keeps me from having uncomfy fake conversations while keeping a good positive experience with customers. I had a shift try to make me do otherwise and be more forceful and outgoing but it's just not me, and I know the less talkative regulars appreciate it when they give me small genuine smiles rather than fake ones after having a shallow conversation. I say keep doing you so long as you're making it a positive experience. You can't pleas everyone.
PossibleWishbone1 [OP] 3 points 3y ago
I agree. I’ve even tried to switch on a whole new “extrovert” persona and act like I’m as cool as a cucumber and “fake it till I make it” but the customers can see right through my bullshit. I’ve even had customers walk away from me mid-convo.
But I’ve had customers who’ve tipped, customers who walked out with big smiles and customers who couldn’t stop thanking me on days and occasions where I was nothing but myself. Shy, timid and anxious. I honestly even think some customers can tell when I’m shy so they ask me about me, how it is working at Starbucks, ect and since I’m so focused on bar and making drinks, it’s even easier to let the conversation flow.
I really appreciate your feedback! This comment meant so much to me to know I’m not alone! 💕
But I’ve had customers who’ve tipped, customers who walked out with big smiles and customers who couldn’t stop thanking me on days and occasions where I was nothing but myself. Shy, timid and anxious. I honestly even think some customers can tell when I’m shy so they ask me about me, how it is working at Starbucks, ect and since I’m so focused on bar and making drinks, it’s even easier to let the conversation flow.
I really appreciate your feedback! This comment meant so much to me to know I’m not alone! 💕
cabbagescraps 6 points 3y ago
please have a conversation with your SM about this!!! make it loud and clear that your social anxiety effects you at work and that’s how you communicate, it’s not inherently a bad thing. your SM and SS’s should be able to help accommodate you while running the floor efficiently and effectively. if you need a moment to go to the back even, let them know!!
i have generalized anxiety and i had to do the same thing for my SM and all of my SS’s. i felt like it was crucial information that they know my anxiety will effect me on the floor. i’ve also had other partners at my store talk to our SM and clarify that they’re just not overtly extroverted and have a calm tone and nature to them and she’s made it work as well; it seems like our customers do enjoy having the variety in barista character in the store :) hopefully it helps a little bit at least!!!
i have generalized anxiety and i had to do the same thing for my SM and all of my SS’s. i felt like it was crucial information that they know my anxiety will effect me on the floor. i’ve also had other partners at my store talk to our SM and clarify that they’re just not overtly extroverted and have a calm tone and nature to them and she’s made it work as well; it seems like our customers do enjoy having the variety in barista character in the store :) hopefully it helps a little bit at least!!!
PossibleWishbone1 [OP] 4 points 3y ago
I’m going to work on talking to my manager. Every time I’ve talked to my higher ups in the past at past jobs they just viewed it as me being “shy” or they would say, “Why are you so shy and timid? You’re an adult.” But of course, none of that is going to make my anxiety go away over night. In fact, it makes my anxiety worse lol.
I have to let my manager know that it goes deeper than being “shy” so it’s going to be a long conversation but It’s glad to hear that Starbucks can accommodate this.
Thank you! 💕
I have to let my manager know that it goes deeper than being “shy” so it’s going to be a long conversation but It’s glad to hear that Starbucks can accommodate this.
Thank you! 💕
SkinnyVanilly 3 points 3y ago
I had a similar experience. Initially my first SM wasn’t going to hire me because of my timid nature but lucky made a friend with one of the shift supervisors at the time and she nudged that SM to hire me. Fast forward a year and I was still the same very shy and timid dude. I’ve always done the job well but always lacked in the “socializing” aspect of the job.
Surprisingly, I had an identical childhood to OP; for me I had: few friends, bullying at school, and strict/overprotective/conservative Christian Parents. I’d never been given any medication for my social anxieties and probably wouldn’t take them as I’ve found I already had a predisposition (or better yet a severe lack in self control) to substance abuse.
Eventually working as a barista at 20-25 hours a week wasn’t cutting it and desperately needed to work more and even promote. My SM’s only criticism was I needed to be more social and “perky/upbeat”. Always hated getting those criticisms, as chipper has never been me. Not that I’m a downer but just overall a mellow person unless a Karen pushes me over the edge. Took those criticisms to heart and did my best to open up and socialize with customers. I still experience social anxiety to this day but overall the whole “extroverted” trait has been easier to “turn on” when I need it.
Personally I don’t want my future resume to be a long list of jobs that I’ve hopped to and fro year after year; so I’ve stuck it out this far and eventually became a shift supervisor a year ago. For me, as much as I can hate this job, Starbucks kinda broke me out of my shell. It took some work but things have been getting better. I’m still the same mellow introverted Shift, but connecting with not only my customers but my team has been much easier.
Surprisingly, I had an identical childhood to OP; for me I had: few friends, bullying at school, and strict/overprotective/conservative Christian Parents. I’d never been given any medication for my social anxieties and probably wouldn’t take them as I’ve found I already had a predisposition (or better yet a severe lack in self control) to substance abuse.
Eventually working as a barista at 20-25 hours a week wasn’t cutting it and desperately needed to work more and even promote. My SM’s only criticism was I needed to be more social and “perky/upbeat”. Always hated getting those criticisms, as chipper has never been me. Not that I’m a downer but just overall a mellow person unless a Karen pushes me over the edge. Took those criticisms to heart and did my best to open up and socialize with customers. I still experience social anxiety to this day but overall the whole “extroverted” trait has been easier to “turn on” when I need it.
Personally I don’t want my future resume to be a long list of jobs that I’ve hopped to and fro year after year; so I’ve stuck it out this far and eventually became a shift supervisor a year ago. For me, as much as I can hate this job, Starbucks kinda broke me out of my shell. It took some work but things have been getting better. I’m still the same mellow introverted Shift, but connecting with not only my customers but my team has been much easier.
PossibleWishbone1 [OP] 2 points 3y ago
I’m happy to know that you’ve learned to evolved with the help of Starbucks and to also learn that I’m not alone! I loved reading this. You give me hope. Thank you so much for sharing.
People think if I’m not smiling and energetic that I’m severely depressed and hate my job (which isn’t the case.) I’m just not “chipper” like you described. I’m more neutral. I actually think if you have too many upbeat, hyper employees it feels simulation-ish and non-genuine and very robotic. I’ve walked into retail stores where this was the case and was seriously freaked out.
I keep a smile and always remember to greet customers and also say goodbye but because I’m not “loud” enough or “vibrant” enough then I guess I’m not “good” enough for the job.
I’m so happy on how far you have came. Keep it up! ♥️
People think if I’m not smiling and energetic that I’m severely depressed and hate my job (which isn’t the case.) I’m just not “chipper” like you described. I’m more neutral. I actually think if you have too many upbeat, hyper employees it feels simulation-ish and non-genuine and very robotic. I’ve walked into retail stores where this was the case and was seriously freaked out.
I keep a smile and always remember to greet customers and also say goodbye but because I’m not “loud” enough or “vibrant” enough then I guess I’m not “good” enough for the job.
I’m so happy on how far you have came. Keep it up! ♥️
SkinnyVanilly 2 points 3y ago
Oh my god, I know what you mean by Hyper-extroverted retail workers. Legitimately scares the shit out of me and I usually have the urge to immediately leave, lol.
Just know, you aren’t alone. There are plenty of us introverted/shy-er baristas out there. 🧡
Just know, you aren’t alone. There are plenty of us introverted/shy-er baristas out there. 🧡
squiddlyboops 2 points 3y ago
Same, and it’s painfully obvious to the customer that you’re making small talk for the sake of it. I’m not the best of thinking up conversations but I’m trying to get better at it. It’s even worse when you’re doing full shifts on register for weeks on end, or doing CS for breaks. It’s hard, but always try your best. I get better customer interactions when I’m a calm and happy barista then trying to be loud and outgoing.
PossibleWishbone1 [OP] 1 points 3y ago
Exactly! When I go into retail stores I know when someone is trying to sell me something vs a genuine connection/conversation. It’s the same here. It’s easier when I’m being myself but for some reason, people think I’m more “genuine” when I fake my persona, instead.
dahmerpalms 2 points 3y ago
I was the exact same way as you when I started this job. No joke. I still am super socially anxious. But this job forced me to be more chatty. I still say awkward and stupid things because I have no idea how to continue a conversation. I still feel anxious when I go home at night, rethinking every single thing I’ve said
But.. it’s gotten better. Much better. Mind you, it’s been three years now for me! I really needed a promotion and to make more money, so I literally forced myself to connect at every given opportunity
I never thought I’d ever change but Starbucks really helped me
But.. it’s gotten better. Much better. Mind you, it’s been three years now for me! I really needed a promotion and to make more money, so I literally forced myself to connect at every given opportunity
I never thought I’d ever change but Starbucks really helped me
RRWARD 1 points 3y ago
Honestly just have the same conversation with you manager I’m sure they would work something out for you!!
If you don’t want to go that route, try having your initial engagement be more vibrant like they “hey/hello” portion and if you get in a convo be yourself. This is how I work with my customers and they seem to really enjoy it!
I’m similar to you and I’m not that happy go lucky energetic barista you expect to see when you walk into a sbux. But it’s also a portion of what we get paid to do
If you don’t want to go that route, try having your initial engagement be more vibrant like they “hey/hello” portion and if you get in a convo be yourself. This is how I work with my customers and they seem to really enjoy it!
I’m similar to you and I’m not that happy go lucky energetic barista you expect to see when you walk into a sbux. But it’s also a portion of what we get paid to do
Whagarble -11 points 3y ago
I mean, if you're that dead set against social interaction, I'd suggest looking into different jobs.
Why work somewhere that values connections and conversations that you're clearly incapable of having to the level they want?
You're probably not the right person for the job, and that's okay. Find something you really are good at and love doing
Why work somewhere that values connections and conversations that you're clearly incapable of having to the level they want?
You're probably not the right person for the job, and that's okay. Find something you really are good at and love doing
PossibleWishbone1 [OP] 2 points 3y ago
And that’s fine. However, what I really want to do requires a degree which I’m working towards having so as of right now, I’m sticking with Starbucks.
I have many other coworkers who are just as shy as me but have never gotten the feedback I’ve gotten. In fact, managers and supervisors are aware and decide not to put them at the forefront of the store. I have many other strengths working at Starbucks and my higher ups know this which is probably why I still have my job.
Thank you for your feedback, though :)
I have many other coworkers who are just as shy as me but have never gotten the feedback I’ve gotten. In fact, managers and supervisors are aware and decide not to put them at the forefront of the store. I have many other strengths working at Starbucks and my higher ups know this which is probably why I still have my job.
Thank you for your feedback, though :)
Whagarble 1 points 3y ago
Thanks for continuing the discussion and not just downvoting me. I don't say it to be glib, but you sound like you'd be so much happier elsewhere. I'd look for something in a call center environment or something like that. There's a company called on24 that does remote conference call products. Maybe check it out?
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