I cut my mom off when I was 18, best decision ever.

I’m in shock reading this cause I’m in the same exact situation and I’m a 22 year old barista from New York. I’ve moved back home from college about 2 years ago, ever since moving back I’ve been constantly belittled, put down, and like you I always am forced to defend my self worth. My mother and father are both immigrants from another country so they grew up veryyyyyy different from me growing up in the US my whole life. My parents are extremely close minded, anything I do is wrong in their eyes, example of this: for a year I was jobless, I eventually found this job at SBUX and at first they were glad but after about a month started the comments “you need to find a serious job”, “that job isn’t helping you out”, when I told my mom about the cat pay she really said to me “wtf kind of job would not give you work for a month and still pay you? Sounds like you’re lying and just trying to quit your job or trying to get fired” I was in utter shock, how my own mother would prefer me to work during a pandemic than stay home and take the pay. I ended up working because I didn’t want to deal with the snark comments, even when I would miss a day or like right now my hours have been severely cut from 25 a week to 8 hours a week, I’ll hear my dad ask me everyday do you have work? When I say no he’s like oooo sounds like you probably lost your job or ooo you missed work watch you get fired or do you even still have that job or did you already quit and lie to us. Literally almost everyday I deal with some form of this, it’s extremely mentally draining having to constantly defend yourself especially to people that raised you and should be able to see the good in you but all they are focused on is the negative because they’re just such hateful, mean-spirited people. I’m also trying to move out ASAP but now my hours have been cut so harshly that it’s impossible for me to move out anytime soon only making $100 a week... I’m so stuck too I just wanna move away and start living and enjoying my life without double thinking every step I make out of fear of my parents’ reaction. My boyfriend lives with us too and they treat him like utter shit even though it was my mother that originally convinced him to move in and now she says it was her biggest mistake, how do you offer them shelter then when you don’t get what you want (all my parents are is money hungry and they constantly feel like everyone is using them, they’re so crazy that they even get upset with the kids my sister babysits over them eating the food in the house) aka all the money he’s making they changed their attitude with him and started hating him and all they see him is in a negative light. Like literally with anything, we share 2 dogs and he adores them sooo much and my mom has the audacity to say he’s a bad dog owner that never gives his dog attention, not once does she ever try to converse with him or even acknowledge his existence so how would you know anything he does??? She literally doesn’t and just wants to paint every one like a bad person. I’m a pothead and they literally swear that me smoking weed is why I have a shitty job, why I’m skinny (also theyre hugeeeeee on body shaming I was about 170-200 during my teens and they would bully me over being heavy now I’m 125-130 and all I hear is omg you’re so skeletal, omg do you even eat anything? And anytime I complain about body aches I get told well maybe if you actually ate something you would feel like that. My parents are honestly beyond disgusting and now that I’m typing this I feel like I should’ve just made a new thread because I can go on for days about how to toxic they are. My parents are also notorious for comparing me to anyone they know that is doing even slightly better than me, constantly telling me when are you gonna grow up, constantly threatening my living situation and my boyfriends, she literally threatens to call the police on him over nothing other than wanting him to move out, like how fucking insane are you in the head to cal the cops on a 21 year old that you begged to move in??? Idk it’s just too much for me to handle and the only thing keeping me sane is my boyfriend. I’m tired of all the arguing, I have to constantly be the perfect daughter in order to preserve the peace in my household, i have to basically kiss my parents ass to be on good terms with them, I can never stand up for myself without them flipping out on me so I have to just constantly apologize just like you. Sorry I wrote so much there’s soooo much more I could still type cause everyday I’m realizing just how toxic and manipulative my parents are and it’s just pushing me away from wanting any personal relationship with them. I could literally have everything I want in life and they’ll still be bitter and angry because I’m not doing everything they want me to do in life but I tell them all the time I’m sorry but at the end of the day it’s my life not yours. If you wanna message me we could definitely vent to each other and give advice to each other because we’re both in veryyyyy similar situations

Best you can do is to not hold value in her words. She is not the one who gets to define you. You do.

You have just written my life story. I'm a 55 yr old woman. I just learned that my mother has Narcissistic personality disorder 3 yrs ago. My father has enabled her. She is HORRIBLE. I didn't realize that my upbringing wasn't "normal" until 3 yrs ago. PLEASE do some research. Save yourself some heartache. There is nothing wrong with you sweetheart, your mother is SICK. You need to get some counseling. Learn your self worth, because YOU MATTER. I cut my mother and father out of my life 7yrs ago, and even though it's been difficult, it's been WONDERFUL. The best thing you can do is get out of that house as soon as you can. You mother will never change, and unfortunately, it will get worse as she ages. I know, I've lived it, and it sucks. I've only been with Starbucks 3 yrs, so I don't know anything about the cup fund, but you should look into the counseling they offer. Good luck to you.

I am going through a similar situation, except I own my car and I have a 6 year old daughter and a husband. We moved in with her and my step dad and it has been hell ever since. It’s more my step dad as the toxic one, and my mom who has her moments but won’t stop him.
We are finally moving out this summer and will be cutting them out of our lives permanently. There is no winning, there is no peace. Until we move out, we are doing what they want and being who they want us to be for the sake of avoiding tension.