Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind
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Mostly just a venty post sorry (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by ghoulboy1
So when I started at Starbucks, I hadn't gotten my legal name changed yet (still havent. Its expensive) however my store manager would call me by my correct name & that's how everyone knew me.
Except that one of his shifts was around while interviewing me & setting up all of my partner info. She had to have seen my legal name or something because it was never said, so she instantly knew I was trans. I was hoping at she wouldn't say anything, because it's no one's business. However she did. She brought it up to me, and I don't even know who else. It got around the store very quickly, so people who didn't know because I pass well, suddenly knew. I never wanted this, at all. I pass as a cis man, and that's how I live my day to day life, considering I have pretty extreme gender dysphoria I don't want people at work knowing about it. I try not to complain about anything, because I don't want drama or anyone to hate me. However tonight she mentioned to another partner (from a different store) that my name for my partner numbers doesn't match with ID either because I changed my name.
Obviously this made me extremely mad, upset, and uncomfortable. Sure just saying my name was changed isn't fully outting someone, but it really feels like it. There was no reason for my personal life to be mentioned, and at this point I just want to transfer to a new store. I'm tired of everyone finding out, when I'm trying to live a normal life. Sure I'm trans, but I don't want my life to be "oh look, its ghoulboy, hes trans!" I want it to be "oh look, its ghoulboy, hes funny/nice/good to talk to/etc".
Any other trans partners had anything similar happen?
Except that one of his shifts was around while interviewing me & setting up all of my partner info. She had to have seen my legal name or something because it was never said, so she instantly knew I was trans. I was hoping at she wouldn't say anything, because it's no one's business. However she did. She brought it up to me, and I don't even know who else. It got around the store very quickly, so people who didn't know because I pass well, suddenly knew. I never wanted this, at all. I pass as a cis man, and that's how I live my day to day life, considering I have pretty extreme gender dysphoria I don't want people at work knowing about it. I try not to complain about anything, because I don't want drama or anyone to hate me. However tonight she mentioned to another partner (from a different store) that my name for my partner numbers doesn't match with ID either because I changed my name.
Obviously this made me extremely mad, upset, and uncomfortable. Sure just saying my name was changed isn't fully outting someone, but it really feels like it. There was no reason for my personal life to be mentioned, and at this point I just want to transfer to a new store. I'm tired of everyone finding out, when I'm trying to live a normal life. Sure I'm trans, but I don't want my life to be "oh look, its ghoulboy, hes trans!" I want it to be "oh look, its ghoulboy, hes funny/nice/good to talk to/etc".
Any other trans partners had anything similar happen?
Momisnotmyname 22 points 3y ago
I am sad you are living this reality nightmare. Big hugs and hope you find your "Third place" store experience as much as anyone else.
ghoulboy1 [OP] 7 points 3y ago
Thank you, that means a lot ❤
shizgettingworse 19 points 3y ago
This is harassment. Your shift needs to be disciplined. Please report this upline!!! It may save someone else's life down the road.
ghoulboy1 [OP] 4 points 3y ago
I texted my store manager about it last night, and another trans coworker has already complained about her. I'm just hoping something actually happens.
cabbagescraps 13 points 3y ago
i started two years ago and at the time i thought i was trans (FTM) and i used a name different to my birth name (i later realized i am not trans and i’m back to using my birth name). everyone but one shift was very accepting and kind to me and treated me like another person. that shift was always so nasty to me, just because i identified as trans. ironically, she was the one who recommended me to work there.
my advice would be talk to your SM and DM about it. this is harassment and if it is not dealt with by them, call PCC. starbucks is supposed to be an open and welcoming environment to everyone, and having a partner single you out like that is 100% not okay.
also, for issues with your name and numbers (if you’re still having them), you can change your info on my partner info to match your name and gender!! then you can show them that it does match and no one can prove you otherwise!
my advice would be talk to your SM and DM about it. this is harassment and if it is not dealt with by them, call PCC. starbucks is supposed to be an open and welcoming environment to everyone, and having a partner single you out like that is 100% not okay.
also, for issues with your name and numbers (if you’re still having them), you can change your info on my partner info to match your name and gender!! then you can show them that it does match and no one can prove you otherwise!
lilBalzac 2 points 3y ago
Good advice here.
ahw34 3 points 3y ago
I’m sorry that your boundaries have been violated like this; it is not ok! However, I’ll be honest—some people literally do not know that outing a trans person is not ok. Unfortunately, they don’t teach you that in etiquette school. Even the most well-meaning person May simply not know. I’d recommend you talk to this parter so they know that this was a breach of trust and let them know how you feel.
If it continues to be an issue, your manager sounds like a good resource. I’d move up the line and move on to HR if necessary.
If it continues to be an issue, your manager sounds like a good resource. I’d move up the line and move on to HR if necessary.
lilBalzac 2 points 3y ago
Not trans myself (but definitely trying to figure out being whatever I am, like most folks). I wish people could just respect boundaries, practice empathy, and sometimes just butt-out. Nobody needs to be discussing a coworkers legal documents, health records, or genitals. Where do some people get the nerve? How dare we? We can do better. Be well out there, everyone. Especially you, ghoulboy.
hopelovepeace33 1 points 3y ago
This is straight up harassment & she needs to be knocked off her horse. I’m sorry that you are having to deal with this because you shouldn’t have to work in an uncomfortable environment. If you lived in my area I’d tell you to come to my store because we have a shift that bouncing between our store who is tans & he’s absolutely amazing! All the people at my store would welcome you with open arms & love you as you ❤️ if you ever move to the Jacksonville area come and work at my store we are welcoming of all.
golden_pinky 1 points 3y ago
How hard is it to not out people?? What a jerk. It makes me so uncomfortable that people spread that info like it's gossip. Like it's an interesting fact rather than a deep part of who you are.
walloweeji 1 points 3y ago
at the time, i had just started t (i started with the company 3-4 years ago) so i had no choice but to tell my manager at the interview. she told my trainer for the purpose of not misgendering me. she told someone who told people and even came up to me telling me i look like a girl and stuff. i immediately told my trainer to not go around telling people that shit because it was hard enough for people not to bug me about it when i looked like a malnourished, prepubescent, gender ambiguous shrub. eventually that girl who bugged me got fired and my trainer stopped telling anyone and apologized so the grapevine of gossip was cut. obviously, i didn’t pass so that created its own set of problems but regardless, if you can’t tell the person to their face that this is your personal business and you’d rather not bring attention to it, maybe ask your store manager or someone you trust to talk to them because that shit isn’t okay and it makes work 1000x more stressful. good luck my dude
[deleted] 1 points 3y ago
[deleted]
PromisesNoelle -1 points 3y ago
I work with (and am good friends with) a trans partner and I have to say I never thought he was trans, only figured it out when we were out to eat once and he had spoke of being trans like I already knew. It shocked me quite a lot but ever since I sometimes worry if I make him uncomfortable as I have always been very open and joke with him. When we and another partner close together we will say it's boys night but sometimes I would say it was girls night and I have a deep fear that it makes him uncomfortable... I don't think your partners mean anything bad (I hope not) and I'm sorry that you feel like people think of you as trans. Even though finding out my coworker is trans I still see him as a guy, just now every time I say its girls night my brain remembers he is trans and makes me feel like I've used derogatory language.
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