Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind
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Cried Today (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by Naibs_ponytail
So we have reduced hour closing right now and for some reason it was just my shift and I today. It SUCKED because cars didn't stop coming (we're right by the freeway exit.)
So we put a sign up to block drive thru because we literally were closed and were only taking the cars that were left in the drive thur. I'm o'ing and r'ing for myself while the shift frantically makes drinks. (Everyone just HAS to order 4 drinks each time)
Anyways, this guy rolls up. He ordered two frapps that my shift had done and handed to me while I was talking to a customer at the speaker. So I finish taking their order and go and hand the drinks to the man since he'd already paid. I send him off with a polite goodbye and return to take the order of another car when I hear a knock at my window. Its the guy... He asks if he can see a manager or supervisor so I call over my shift because I get anxious when someone asks that question.
Turns out he was mad that the wait was long and that the drinks looked like shit and that I had a horrible attitude toward him.
I don't like to use the fact that I'm neurodivergant as an excuse for why I perform differently from my partners but in this case it is very much that... I have a hard time making eye contact with people and I don't understand body language and social queues as well as others and I think that was amplified in that moment by how stressed I was getting orders and drinks out right. His comment hurt to hear.
But the worst part of it all was how he misgendered me despite my big (He/Him) pin on my apron. This was kinda the rotten cherry on the cowpie. I couldn't stop myself from shedding tears because I already felt so horrible for not being the best at my job, now this man went and made me feel disgusting because I wasn't passing as a man and it gave me some bad dysphoria in that moment.
My shift saw him off and then closed the window and muttered some swears under her breath as she returned to work...
I cried after we saw the last car off.
So we put a sign up to block drive thru because we literally were closed and were only taking the cars that were left in the drive thur. I'm o'ing and r'ing for myself while the shift frantically makes drinks. (Everyone just HAS to order 4 drinks each time)
Anyways, this guy rolls up. He ordered two frapps that my shift had done and handed to me while I was talking to a customer at the speaker. So I finish taking their order and go and hand the drinks to the man since he'd already paid. I send him off with a polite goodbye and return to take the order of another car when I hear a knock at my window. Its the guy... He asks if he can see a manager or supervisor so I call over my shift because I get anxious when someone asks that question.
Turns out he was mad that the wait was long and that the drinks looked like shit and that I had a horrible attitude toward him.
I don't like to use the fact that I'm neurodivergant as an excuse for why I perform differently from my partners but in this case it is very much that... I have a hard time making eye contact with people and I don't understand body language and social queues as well as others and I think that was amplified in that moment by how stressed I was getting orders and drinks out right. His comment hurt to hear.
But the worst part of it all was how he misgendered me despite my big (He/Him) pin on my apron. This was kinda the rotten cherry on the cowpie. I couldn't stop myself from shedding tears because I already felt so horrible for not being the best at my job, now this man went and made me feel disgusting because I wasn't passing as a man and it gave me some bad dysphoria in that moment.
My shift saw him off and then closed the window and muttered some swears under her breath as she returned to work...
I cried after we saw the last car off.
dancing_durian 24 points 2y ago
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Can I be honest with you though? I think because we are aware of our shortcomings, we tend to attribute certain interactions to that. I do that myself a lot. But you could have been the most perfect, world-champion-customer-service-person (if they give out that sort of thing), that man would still not have been happy. He decided to have a miserable time entering that drive though and instead of taking ownership of his own decision or just simply acknowledging that ‘hey, places get busy sometimes’, he takes it out on people like us. Again, I’m sorry and just know that you have people who care about you and don’t let that man and his horrible actions take anything away from you.
Naibs_ponytail [OP] 1 points 2y ago
I always figure its something like that but in the moment my brain was all kinds of upset over it. This is always good to remember though, some people just don't care at all and want the world to feel as miserable as them :/
Ms_Jacey 9 points 2y ago
I'm sorry dear for that painful experience. I have two she/her pronoun buttons on my apron, but still get misgendered all. the. time. It is so much worse when it happens when someone us upset. Take care of yourself, and fuck that person
Naibs_ponytail [OP] 2 points 2y ago
Its really just a pain to be constantly misgendered! I got asked what my "real name" was once by some lady, despite me continuing to point at my name tag and repeat that this was my name! I'll never forget her frog face. She thought I must've been so rude for not deadnaming myself because later she called the store and said "There was a really rude girl named \*name\* at your store!" and my shift was the biggest sweetheart, she said "Well, we don't have any girls in our store by that name so you must have the wrong store I'm afraid" and then proceeded to deescalate the situation. That's some Queen stuff right there
randomyucky 6 points 2y ago
As a fellow neurodiverse trans barista, i feel for you. I have such bad audio processing and I get misgendered so much I can't do DTO for very long without having a melt down. I'm sorry you had a bad day and I hope it gets better. If you ever want a new friend, I'm here :)
Naibs_ponytail [OP] 2 points 2y ago
I appreciate the support, it takes a lot out of me to pass honestly, and I'm not just talking about my gender. I have to force myself to make eye contact and remember to smile often (though with these masks, its not that big an issue anymore). Its these little things that make people think I'm neurotypical ya know? But then I get distracted or unfocused and I start to flap my arms or do vocal stims and that kind of throws other baristas off or weirds out customers. Do you know what I can do to minimize this?
randomyucky 2 points 2y ago
I have stopped trying to minimize it and it actually helps. I have let all the partners and my shifts know what's going on with me so that I can be in my little bubble and work how i want. They are actually super accommodating. They only put me on DTO if I ask or if it's to cover a break. They just let me do my "weird" (for lack of a better word) things because they know it helps me. Everyone actually works pretty hard to help accommodate me. I have really bad adhd and dyslexia, but pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, and they have all adapted to doing things a certain way with me to help. It helps with not having meltdowns at work AND my tics and stimming actually goes down in frequency bc I'm not so stressed about doing it. I find when i worry or stress about stimming or tics, it makes it worse. But when i start doing my arm flaps, that helps my shifts know im either happy about something or getting overwhelmed and a meltdown could happen and they are able to respond so that we prevent the meltdown without me having to verbally tell them anything. I started with just talking to my SM about my neurodiversity and went from there
YellowSphinx 2 points 2y ago
I’m really sorry that happened to you. People suck. when I worked at a sbucks I had to deal with jerks like him to. Unfortunately for all chads and Karen’s out there. I have the bigger temper.
But you know what. You are doing your best and that is wonderful! The rest of us appreciate you very very much.
But you know what. You are doing your best and that is wonderful! The rest of us appreciate you very very much.
Naibs_ponytail [OP] 1 points 2y ago
The superior level headed and kind barista will always win against the angry and reasonless karens and darrens of the world, you are a blessing
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