I don't know how long a vent has to be to be "venti" but I like the pun.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I've been a barista for 3+ years (partnerversary was while our store was closed for lockdown so didn't get to celebrate). I've technically been enrolled at ASU for all but the first 90 of those days because my parents convinced me that I'm worthless without a piece of paper signed by a college and 6 years ago I dropped out of an art school that is now closed due to multiple predatory lending lawsuits.

As for ASU, I've only taken two semesters worth of classes and completely tanked my GPA because I can't pick a major (clarification: without a major that keeps me interested my stupid peaked-in-high-school brain loses all incentive to focus and then grades slip).

I have no idea what I want to do with my life or even the immediate future part of it. If I go the college route, I need to pick something soon but I have absolutely no idea how to do that. If I don't want to get a degree, then I really can't imagine working for Starbucks anymore even though I just got authorized to be a Barista Trainer (then the manager told me it would be a while before I would get to train anyone because we have such low staffing, which is a hilarious Catch-22).

I think being a barista has destroyed my right shoulder but I can't prove they're related. A bunch of my coworkers have told me about their chronic shoulder pain but I generally got the worst of it. I had to get operated on in February when they found that my Labrum was torn almost all the way through (if it had torn any more my whole-ass rotator cuff would've just popped out and dislocated). After a bunch of expensive physical therapy and stuff I returned to work and for about a month everything was fine.

Now it has started hurting again and I'm scared that it's reinjured and I'll have to choose between Starbucks and continued lifelong use of my dominant shoulder without pain. And I'm scared that if I choose myself then I'll never be able to get a degree. But like I said before, I've asked wasted about 7 potential semesters by not knowing what degree I even want so is that really so bad?

Also, another shoulder surgery would be prohibitively expensive, especially since now insurance doesn't think the first one worked. And Sedgwick only gives you a certain amount of disability time and I used a lot of mine in the first surgery.

TL;DR: trying to choose a college major is hurting me emotionally, but being a barista might actually be hurting me physically.