This past Wednesday, my SSV informs me that my SM wants to talk with me in the back. I comply and find a compliance write up sheet sitting on the desk. Apparently due to my outburst on the floor, where I humiliated my SM by correcting her about my name in front of partners and like 4 customers, I should be written up.

BUT!

This write up isn’t just about my dramatics on the floor. It’s also about my previous discussions with partners from other stores, looking to transfer. I don’t feel comfortable at my store, sometimes I don’t feel safe? Like not unsafe as in my life is in danger, but emotionally unsafe. My SM makes me feel uneasy, and I’m always doubting myself around her. She talks down to me, and then asks “why don’t you feel comfortable talking to me?”

I tried to be honest with her about why I didn’t feel comfortable, but she made the situation about herself again, telling me about something she’s dealing with, but my “outburst” happened before her personal tragedy. Due to this conversation, and an impending write up, I felt forced to share a lot of personal information (my fears of coming out as nonbinary, my personal history with ab*se in regards to coming out, etc....) in order to get her off my back.

She told me she never had any intention of writing me up anyways. She acted like some martyr when she told me her superior said it was as my SM’s discretion to write me up about this or not. So when she told me she wasn’t going to do it, I felt completely cheated. Duped. I don’t like communicating personal issues like this to my boss. I felt manipulated.

And on top of that, my SM has the audacity to compliment me and say how “vital I am to the team, such a great communicator with customers, so great at bar” blah, blah blah and how she “wanted to make this store a positive new home for me...” but I NEVER hear that positive reenforcement outside of an argument with her. She chastised me for talking badly about her to other partners and is now complimenting me to warp my sense of right and wrong. She’s only nice to me when we have issues with one another, and is belittling and short with me when things are supposedly “ok”.

She has me doubting myself all the time and I don’t know if I’m in the right anymore... Now I can’t talk to any other partners about anything, and I’m too scared to talk to other managers again because those managers will just relay information back to my SM.
I can’t win. I’m defeated and I’m upset and I’m praying I find a new job soon just to rub it in her face. Another SSV has already put in her 2 weeks. Good for her.