[Trigger Warning: Sexual harassment, bullying, verbal abuse, past sexual/emotional trauma]

I got my first job ever at age 15 in 2004 (I’m 31 now) as a Starbucks barista and loved it at first but that soon changed and it became a living nightmare for me, as I was increasingly and then constantly bullied by a male coworker who would do things like touch my face and step on my feet, among other high school level antics (he was in his 20s, btw). At first, I was too shy and intimidated to say anything but it became such a frequent occurrence (we starting closing together so I was eventually left alone with him more often, essentially giving him free reign over me) that I ended up complaining to the shift supervisor numerous times—another male, but a bit older than the bully—and was repeatedly dismissed, as the “boys” who worked there had a clique-type relationship and always covered for each other; he would do little things here and there as well so I was dumb for thinking I could go to him with my complaint, as it would’ve been pretty hypocritical of him to take action since his hands weren’t clean, either.

When that route led to inaction, I ended up going to another shift supervisor who I rarely crossed paths with, since she only supervised during my shifts when she was covering for my actual supervisor (the dismissive clique leader). This person was a female and she actually took my complaints seriously, which I’m grateful for. But when she asked me to write out a statement and describe the occurrences in detail, my dumb, teenaged self chickened out after playing out the worst possible scenario that could result from this in my head; one where I would file a complaint about these guys—whom I had to see and work with everyday—and they’d end up in enough trouble to be royally pissed off at me but not enough to face the more serious consequence of being fired.

Write-ups were ultimately given but that was more than enough for them to ramp up the bullying—they were just more careful going forward and discreet enough to go undetected. The physical disrespect shifted to a more emotional/psychological approach, and I was mocked, made fun of, confronted, and sneered at—all in moments that would happen in the blink of an eye, subtle enough to go unnoticed and make me seem dramatic/sensitive if and when I’d try to speak up and/or complain again, in the rare occasion that the other shift supervisor was present. The verbal harassment would sometimes be tinged with the occasional innuendo, until they realized that sexual harassment looked less hateful from afar than the conventional meanness that bullying consisted of and eventually switched from flat-out insulting me to sexually objectifying me 24/7, bordering on invading my personal space every so often but just so—never enough to attract significant attention. I guess you can say that I was pretty naive at the time, as I felt so trapped that I didn’t even consider something like reaching out to HR or any of the “higher ups”.

At 15, I was already a depressed, deeply anxious, people-pleasing girl with a fair share of baggage to lug about, one that was chockfull of past trauma deriving from sexual/emotional abuse going back to as far as age 10/11. (Sorry for the TMI, but it’s the backdrop to my response—or lack there of—to what I was dealing with almost everyday at work, a situation that was made worse by the fact that I was also dealing with these types of people at school.) Even the complaints I had made thus far were very out of character for me and put me way out of my comfort zone, which is why “escalating” the situation wasn’t even in the realm of possibilities for me, in my mind; and how can you take action that requires confidence and self-esteem—things that have been innately foreign to you ever since that stage in development where it should be apparently forming? Anyway, there was no shortage of information in the many textbooks provided by Starbucks to us during training.

In hindsight, I’m sure that I would’ve found the appropriate contact information for someone within their company who could help me. But alas, I didn’t do that. Instead, it all came to a head one day when things turned physical. I was on the floor, working with the aforementioned bully. He had been making snide remarks as he’d pass me by now and again, stepping on the backs of my shoes and things of that nature, but I’d managed to ignore it for the most part. The afternoon rush was dying down and I guess he got bored, deciding to bother me some more. We were standing around, waiting for our next customer, when he started “fake-slapping” me. I don’t know how else to describe it other than when your sibling tries annoying you by just *barely* touching you, hovering their finger close enough to your arm or face whilst repeating “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you”. If you get it, then that’s kinda what he was doing. He’d act like he was slapping me but not actually touch my face. (But an unsuspecting target of this will obviously still feel like they’re about to get slapped and proceed to flinch or respond in kind.) I repeatedly told him to stop it and he refused to. Eventually, he actually did slap me in the face—whether intentionally or by accident, I do not know. In the heat of the moment, the only thing I could think of doing was to shove him and flip his baseball cap back so that it fell off of his head. (Don’t ask, I don’t even know why I did that.)

What he did next was what really set off the chain of events that ended in **me** being fired. He took my phone and threw it in a deep sink full of water. I tried to do the same with his hat and he put me in a HEADLOCK, with my back facing his front. I thrashed and threw my arms backward in an unsuccessful attempt to get him off of me, as he was actually squeezing my neck rather tightly for a while. When he finally loosened his grip, I blacked out and lunged at him. I don’t know if the culmination of everything that had happened until then made this the last straw or if the extremely absurd reality of this altercation with a MAN who was actually assaulting me at my job made me snap, but we ended up in an actual fight and he stopped trying to just lock me into place, opting to go at it with me as if I was his equal in a situation like this.

The most insane part is that, in some what-are-the-fcking-odds type twist to this already traumatizing experience (a twist that can only be attributed to the chaotic, uninvolved nature of a universe that doesn’t give a fck), NOT ONE customer walked in during the entire altercation. And we were so weirdly quiet during this chain of events—cuz unless this is a high school and you’re surrounded by screaming kids egging you on, a bar or just some equally loud environment in general, people in the middle of fighting don’t really make much noise aside from a random grunt or something—that the 1-2 customers all the way in the back of the store didn’t even realize what was happening until it was over and I walked out crying.

This has been long enough and I truly apologize. But I haven’t spoken about this since it happened and Reddit has opened me up to a whole new world, including this subreddit, and the discovery of r/starbucksbaristas triggered memories of the experiences really ruined what should’ve been an exciting time in my life, the huge milestone that is obtaining one’s first job. After we both gave written statements and spoke to the appropriate people, they “fired both of us” and although I never really knew why and certainly never fought it (Self-esteem, confidence, strength? Never heard of them), I found out soon after that I was blatantly lied to because the other party in this story was NOT fired and instead simply transferred to another store. I’m not the type of person to walk around with a woe is me attitude but I don’t understand why the victim of ongoing sexual/verbal harassment and a physical altercation who only reciprocated in self-defense (which, at least when it comes to the actual fight, the footage from their security cameras clearly shows my reactive behavior and attempts to de-escalate that asshole) is the one who was ultimately let go while the aggressor gets a fresh start at another Starbucks. Years later, when I had the wherewithal to analyze what had happened and realize that it was beyond wrong, I contacted a representative of Starbucks and spilled my guts out to them. I don’t know why I did it or what my ultimate goal was, but I told them everything I’ve said here and hoped that it would make me feel better. I honestly don’t remember what their response was but the very fact that the exchange was forgettable proves it was obviously lacking.

Just as I didn’t know what I wanted out of it then, I don’t know what I want out of posting this. I don’t think I actually want anything other than to be heard by the community i wanted to so badly be a proud member of and a shared experience that I could’ve walked away with fond memories of, if not for the opportunity being robbed from me.

Thank you for reading.