Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind
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TL;DR: Waited almost 3months unpaid to be fired for confessing to coworker. (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by Melancholy-Man
For the record I’m only saying this to vent because I don’t really have anyone else to talk to… Also some opinions if this was a just action. (Name will be different to respect privacy.)
About June 2020 I transferred to new location in Minnetonka, MN for COVID reasons. Started fresh meeting new coworkers and managers. Me being a depressed, shy, socially awkward, and anxious dude, I tried very hard to be liked by everyone; didn’t work out too well.. My ASM was very open with me and we connected very well; also, one partner was incredibly accepting and kind to me, we’ll call her Kat.
Kat had similar life experiences as me and was very open to me about herself, I also opened up because I wanted someone to care about, and they care about me (in a non-romantic way). Months go by and my workspace has turned 180, I’m getting along with coworkers other than Kat, I’m seen as a independent worker that can handle himself and the team through rushes, and I’m hanging out with new people! Coworkers and Customers!
At the time I was living in a toxic environment in Burnsville with my Grandmother and her husband, Joe. Joe is the definition of sociopath; and has no love or respect for anyone but himself, not even my Grandma or his son. I intentionally worked everyday to get out of the house, and I was doing fine considering. Finally an explosive moment happened where he threatened me and I finally realized it was time to go. So I found a place in Hutchinson which about an 1hr from Minnetonka; but I was more than happy to make the drive for a while.
I was then transferred to yet another location in Waconia, which was closer to me by 20mins. And again, I had to meet new people, and like my old store, it started off really rough. Because of this, I would often cover shifts at my old store because I felt at home there; and my managers were pleased to have someone cover unwanted shifts..
I also got to work more of shifts with Kat ironically. As the weeks went and my shift with her were more consistent I started to realize I had feelings for her. Now I had two issues,
1) She is Lesbian (and taken)
2) coworker relationships are not ideal.
So, as a man would do, I tried to kill the emotions the old fashion way but convincing myself there is no point. But for some reason my gut was telling me to be honest with myself for once. Accept the feelings, confess, and eliminate them. So after work, I called her at night and told her along the lines:
“Hey, I wanna be honest, I have feelings for you but I’m not telling you to say I will woo you or try anything dumb. I’m telling to be true to myself and you. I want to keep it professional and still be just friends.”
She seemed to take it incredibly well, she said thanks for my honesty and that nothing has changed. So I continued treated her as I would and working at both locations.
April 14 I get a call that I’m under investigation, and I’m not allowed to talk about it with anyone and I could not contact anyone from the store (was not told what store, I assumed it was Waconia). That’s it. Nothing else. So no pay, no contact, no nothing…
A week goes by…
Then two…
Then Two Months, 2 weeks later I finally get a call what they are investigating; turns out i creeped out a coworker at Waconia, and also that Kat claimed I was being inappropriate, unprofessional and sexually hinting to her. Of course none of that is true, but the corporate investigator just doing her job asked my side. After explaining what happened she told me that I would get a call from my DM telling me what happened next.
2 more weeks pass and today I get a call from my GM telling me effective today I’m fired. She also told me my DM was planning on telling me 1-2weeks later because she is on vacation.
This entire situation has destroyed my self-esteem, made me almost be late for bill payments, and left me hanging in the rain on the whole predicament. In a way, I feel I should be punished because now in hindsight I should have kept my mouth shut. And no one from either store wants to associate with me anymore. I’m at another low and yet I believe everything happened for a reason; and hopefully I will learn from this in a healthy manner.
In a honest to God question; was this just?
About June 2020 I transferred to new location in Minnetonka, MN for COVID reasons. Started fresh meeting new coworkers and managers. Me being a depressed, shy, socially awkward, and anxious dude, I tried very hard to be liked by everyone; didn’t work out too well.. My ASM was very open with me and we connected very well; also, one partner was incredibly accepting and kind to me, we’ll call her Kat.
Kat had similar life experiences as me and was very open to me about herself, I also opened up because I wanted someone to care about, and they care about me (in a non-romantic way). Months go by and my workspace has turned 180, I’m getting along with coworkers other than Kat, I’m seen as a independent worker that can handle himself and the team through rushes, and I’m hanging out with new people! Coworkers and Customers!
At the time I was living in a toxic environment in Burnsville with my Grandmother and her husband, Joe. Joe is the definition of sociopath; and has no love or respect for anyone but himself, not even my Grandma or his son. I intentionally worked everyday to get out of the house, and I was doing fine considering. Finally an explosive moment happened where he threatened me and I finally realized it was time to go. So I found a place in Hutchinson which about an 1hr from Minnetonka; but I was more than happy to make the drive for a while.
I was then transferred to yet another location in Waconia, which was closer to me by 20mins. And again, I had to meet new people, and like my old store, it started off really rough. Because of this, I would often cover shifts at my old store because I felt at home there; and my managers were pleased to have someone cover unwanted shifts..
I also got to work more of shifts with Kat ironically. As the weeks went and my shift with her were more consistent I started to realize I had feelings for her. Now I had two issues,
1) She is Lesbian (and taken)
2) coworker relationships are not ideal.
So, as a man would do, I tried to kill the emotions the old fashion way but convincing myself there is no point. But for some reason my gut was telling me to be honest with myself for once. Accept the feelings, confess, and eliminate them. So after work, I called her at night and told her along the lines:
“Hey, I wanna be honest, I have feelings for you but I’m not telling you to say I will woo you or try anything dumb. I’m telling to be true to myself and you. I want to keep it professional and still be just friends.”
She seemed to take it incredibly well, she said thanks for my honesty and that nothing has changed. So I continued treated her as I would and working at both locations.
April 14 I get a call that I’m under investigation, and I’m not allowed to talk about it with anyone and I could not contact anyone from the store (was not told what store, I assumed it was Waconia). That’s it. Nothing else. So no pay, no contact, no nothing…
A week goes by…
Then two…
Then Two Months, 2 weeks later I finally get a call what they are investigating; turns out i creeped out a coworker at Waconia, and also that Kat claimed I was being inappropriate, unprofessional and sexually hinting to her. Of course none of that is true, but the corporate investigator just doing her job asked my side. After explaining what happened she told me that I would get a call from my DM telling me what happened next.
2 more weeks pass and today I get a call from my GM telling me effective today I’m fired. She also told me my DM was planning on telling me 1-2weeks later because she is on vacation.
This entire situation has destroyed my self-esteem, made me almost be late for bill payments, and left me hanging in the rain on the whole predicament. In a way, I feel I should be punished because now in hindsight I should have kept my mouth shut. And no one from either store wants to associate with me anymore. I’m at another low and yet I believe everything happened for a reason; and hopefully I will learn from this in a healthy manner.
In a honest to God question; was this just?
LatteMaster 16 points 2y ago
There is no way enough info has been provided here to determine justification for a case of this level. I would imagine however that Starbucks feels it has plenty of evidence to terminate you. You could try and probably fight it legally but winning is unlikely unless you have a strong case.
I_love_stapler 14 points 2y ago
Did you tip your hat and say M'lady? I'm getting those vibs... I assume you are young. Take this as a life lesson. Why on earth would you tell any woman who has a significant other that you are into them, let alone a lesbian woman? There is a serious gap in maturity in this post. As strange as it sounds, I think you should focus on personal growth and treat this incident like a stereotypical breakup, start working out, read more etc. Keep getting out of your house and meet people! Good luck.
Melancholy-Man [OP] 1 points 2y ago
I really appreciate that, thank you.
astivana 14 points 2y ago
I’m honestly kind of confused as to why you felt the need to tell her?
Melancholy-Man [OP] -1 points 2y ago
As dumb as it may sound, I wanted to be honest with myself for once. I trusted that she would be mature about it. Now of course that doesn’t mean my wanting to be true overrules professionalism, I made it clear that I didn’t want to do that.
astivana 9 points 2y ago
Obviously I don’t know all the details but if I was in her position and a coworker, knowing that not only did my sexual orientation preclude reciprocation but also that I was in a relationship already, felt the need to tell me he was in love with me, I would feel uncomfortable, and I would wonder what he expected to get out of telling me and whether that was a sign he didn’t fully respect that I was unavailable to him.
That isn’t to say that you were wrong, but I do wonder if there were other avenues of being true without involving her directly.
That isn’t to say that you were wrong, but I do wonder if there were other avenues of being true without involving her directly.
Melancholy-Man [OP] 1 points 2y ago
I completely understand what you are saying; and that does bring things into perspective from her side.. Though I would say the other avenues would be essentially beating around the bush. I don’t like to do that; I very much appreciate straightforwardness.
Again, thank you, your perspective is heart and mind opening.
Again, thank you, your perspective is heart and mind opening.
_Pulltab_ 7 points 2y ago
Former corporate HR hack here (not for SB).
I agree with the other poster: companies go OUT OF THEIR WAY to avoid terminating employees in these situations because it’s too easy to get caught up in a lawsuit for wrongful termination, discrimination, etc. If you were terminated then they feel they have an open/shut case.
I agree with the other poster: companies go OUT OF THEIR WAY to avoid terminating employees in these situations because it’s too easy to get caught up in a lawsuit for wrongful termination, discrimination, etc. If you were terminated then they feel they have an open/shut case.
CoffinRomance 2 points 2y ago
Gotta be honest dude, I do feel like some details have been left out just because they clearly found enough evidence for termination. (Which isn't willy nilly since it costs them money to find and train someone new to take your place.) If I were you I'd take an honest look back and just reflect on the ways that you can mature and move on from this experience.
Speaking as a lesbian I will say that I at least would personally feel very uncomfortable if a coworker (who isn't a close friend/I'm just work friendly with) who knew that I was gay admitted feelings to me. It can feel very disrespectful and confusing since it seems as if you're either hoping for something in return for the confession or are disregarding her for your own emotional catharsis. Especially calling at night which can put its own strange tone on things. Obviously everyone's different but that's where I'm seeing her come from on this from the information you gave us.
I hope you can learn from this and everyone can pick themselves back up.
Speaking as a lesbian I will say that I at least would personally feel very uncomfortable if a coworker (who isn't a close friend/I'm just work friendly with) who knew that I was gay admitted feelings to me. It can feel very disrespectful and confusing since it seems as if you're either hoping for something in return for the confession or are disregarding her for your own emotional catharsis. Especially calling at night which can put its own strange tone on things. Obviously everyone's different but that's where I'm seeing her come from on this from the information you gave us.
I hope you can learn from this and everyone can pick themselves back up.
Melancholy-Man [OP] 1 points 2y ago
Yes, I was lacking information.. Not to hide anything but just felt like I already typed too much :/
1)The termination was due to allegations of misconduct and harassment; didn’t want to say it because just thinking it makes me feel sick. I wasn’t aware of why until they called me 2 1/2 months in. They literally called out of the blue and tell me what’s going one.. and I’m still not aware of what specifically they are; they never told me directly what it was. But they asked me if I made physical contact and/or sexual comments towards her. Physical contact yes, all the time; we hugged, high five, slap box, etc..
Sexual comments? Absolutely not; I couldn’t even think of doing that to another person, stranger or flame.
2) The nature of our relationship was… tricky…
We definitely were not just “friendly coworkers”. We opened up about things that no one else knew. We talked and interacted in a erroneous manner. We told each other we loved the other and would do anything. Sometimes was just the usual hug and small talk. Sometimes it was tears and opening up of our current difficulties. Also our good belly laughs and pranks we pulled on each other.
3) Being Lesbian was the one of the first things she made clear to me; her openness was something I truly admired and respected. She told me that there were times she questioned if she were Bi, Pan, or Trans, it didn’t really matter to me, as long as she accepted who she was.
I was fully aware of what I was saying and doing; but I thought if I could be blunt, and just got over it and eliminate the emotions everything would be good. For me, the best way is just to reject yourself for them, which was my approach. I made it clear when I called her why I told her; but then again you’re right, her emotions were a factor I did not consider and I’m in the wrong for that. Plus yeah, night calls are a whole different vibe, but truly that was because we had work late that day and I was hoping to talk about it face-to-face but it didn’t work that way..
Anyway, I really appreciate your input, I really can’t believe I didn’t take empathy into consideration, normally I don’t care about myself or my emotions but something just took over inside… Thank you again :)
1)The termination was due to allegations of misconduct and harassment; didn’t want to say it because just thinking it makes me feel sick. I wasn’t aware of why until they called me 2 1/2 months in. They literally called out of the blue and tell me what’s going one.. and I’m still not aware of what specifically they are; they never told me directly what it was. But they asked me if I made physical contact and/or sexual comments towards her. Physical contact yes, all the time; we hugged, high five, slap box, etc..
Sexual comments? Absolutely not; I couldn’t even think of doing that to another person, stranger or flame.
2) The nature of our relationship was… tricky…
We definitely were not just “friendly coworkers”. We opened up about things that no one else knew. We talked and interacted in a erroneous manner. We told each other we loved the other and would do anything. Sometimes was just the usual hug and small talk. Sometimes it was tears and opening up of our current difficulties. Also our good belly laughs and pranks we pulled on each other.
3) Being Lesbian was the one of the first things she made clear to me; her openness was something I truly admired and respected. She told me that there were times she questioned if she were Bi, Pan, or Trans, it didn’t really matter to me, as long as she accepted who she was.
I was fully aware of what I was saying and doing; but I thought if I could be blunt, and just got over it and eliminate the emotions everything would be good. For me, the best way is just to reject yourself for them, which was my approach. I made it clear when I called her why I told her; but then again you’re right, her emotions were a factor I did not consider and I’m in the wrong for that. Plus yeah, night calls are a whole different vibe, but truly that was because we had work late that day and I was hoping to talk about it face-to-face but it didn’t work that way..
Anyway, I really appreciate your input, I really can’t believe I didn’t take empathy into consideration, normally I don’t care about myself or my emotions but something just took over inside… Thank you again :)
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