first reddit post so if things are weird/wrong... whoopsies (also tl;dr at the bottom cause geez I write too much) (also also if this violates any rules I can/will take it down immediately, sorry)

anyhoot, I'm very very new to Starbucks, haven't even been there a month, yet I managed to achieve getting separated from the company just today. how did I get that much done that quick? well, I've recently learned that I have a super fun chronic illness that I've been dealing with a major flare up of for the past several months. there's some specialty (aka very expensive) med I'm meant to be on, and should've been since March, but issues with cross-state Medicaid shit and also me being A Whole Baby at 20 years old, living away from home and alone for the first time, and not knowing how the fuck insurance works led to me only getting the situation (mostly) resolved around last Friday.

now, last Thursday, I got to have a very fun chat with the manager (A) currently standing in for our normal store manager (B), cause B's been gone basically the whole time I've been here for some health related issues, don't know the details. (A was actually the manager that hired me, so we're not like total strangers, they're pretty cool )A is like "hey so uhh... you've missed a lot of shifts and have come in late way too often, gonna have to write you up for that. if you miss again, we're gonna have to let you go" and like I very much understand that and honestly kinda saw it coming. I've missed so many shifts as a result of said chronic illness being like "oh, we've got work today? what if instead we had DEATH" which is inconvenient when you're trying to work early mornings!!! and our store is a Busy Store so I knew my missing work fucked up shit for everyone else, and I felt so immensely guilty about it from the first shift I had to miss. 

would it have been smart to say something about this from that very first shift? yes, but, me being an idiot, thought I could just tough it out, power through, and not need/try to request time off or anything because I'm a Big Strong Guy, I don't ever need to ask for help (oddly enough this could not be further from the truth, but I'm yet to learn my lesson). 

so like my inevitable letter of separation I got today from missing on Saturday due to my stomach being like "alright time to try to eject myself" from Friday night into Saturday morning and not getting to call in to the store until well after my shift started was not a surprise at all. honestly I would've fired me earlier. manager A and a few other coworkers told me to not beat myself up about it, but less on a level of "company productivity" and more on a person-to-person level, I genuinely feel so fucking bad for having to stress people out to figure out coverage/staffing shit, and like that's on me, that was shitty of me, I didn't have anyone's contact info so I couldn't reach out to anyone to make sure I could have my ass covered. I simply was not using my brain. big Dumb Bitch moment for me. 

after I dropped a signature on the separation papers, I asked A about the possibility of reapplying, if it would just be a no-go and not worth it cause I did, in my opinion, Majorly Fuck Up. idk if everyone was all just being way too overly nice, but they said to reapply once I'm feeling better, cause I do now have the situation figured out, and will be in a much better place health-wise to actually be able to come in to work. and one of the shifts even said that they were sure "B of anyone would empathize" cause they've had, as stated, heath issues too, and is currently on a leave of absence until like next week I think? so I'm like "sick, okay maybe everything will be okay, won't have to stress about finding another job," which was a mistake on my part I guess.

so I draft up and send a (probably too long) text to B, explaining everything that's gone on, how much I love working there, how I know I fucked up but I will can better because I will feel better, then in like ten minutes I get a text back saying "glad you're doing better, A is the current manager so their decision is final, smell ya later" (not actual wording but I think the embellishment was too funny to pass up).

all this long-winded story to just say that I'm kinda... sad and hurt? by just the complete lack of empathy I'm feeling? like yeah, on the basis of me just missing so much, I understand not wanting me back. I can say I'll do better all I want, but actions over words, and that's likely not a chance they wanna take again. it just sucks cause like, I thought we were on the same boat and they would get it, but not even getting the chance to further discuss... idk, I'm just a naturally extremely sensitive and emotional person and definitely taking this far harder than I should (do I have adhd? rsd? autism? who knows not me), just sucks to lose a pretty good thing when you know that you did, really, really fuck it up for yourself.

apologies for the neverending rambling, I am just stressed, upset, and more high than my little brain can handle. and like you don't need to reinforce how much I suck and did deserve to get fired, I know, I'm Very Aware and trying my best

edit: on the part of the application where it asks about disabilities/illnesses I 1. didn't mark yes cause I was in denial of how much this illness could affect me, and also didn't have full confirmation of its severity and 2. was anxious that saying yes could potentially end up screwing me over rather than helping me. dumb move, looking back now, nice going past me :///

tl;dr: Starbucks newbie, missed hella shifts from chronic illness, got fired, didn't feel any empathy from manager, now sad boi hours