#TRIGGER WARNING

_If you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, then maybe skip this vent(i). I don't want to make anyone relive trauma. Sorry in advance._

I'm a green bean that just started just over a month ago. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I've been open with my employer about it. This wasn't my first panic attack I've ever had. Working at Target caused some too. This was one of the worst ones tho


There were a lot of factors that led to this. Um. Including some personal biz that I'd rather not get into.
Here's some stuff that happened during my shift:

1. A Drive-Thru lady's card got declined like, a dozen times because she kept lathering it up with Purell. Then she got mad when her card couldn't scan. She rambled on about how it's the chip's fault or something? idk
My manager then scolded me for "being rude to the customer". I honestly didn't think I was, so I asked for clarification so that I could do better next time. And she wasn't having it.

2. That same manager did not believe that I was taking the proper amount of time for my break. I know it's 10 minutes long, which is why I start my timer as soon as I step off the floor, but she interrupted it when I had 2 minutes left to go.

3. My manager started jumping ahead of me on DTO. We didn't have any cars in the queue, and I was assigned DTO and Window, but she started taking orders for me.


At that point, I noticed something felt off with me. So I asked my manager to speak privately with her. She agreed.

Unfortunately, I could barely get any words out before my anxiety took over my body. I could not control it.

My co-workers and manager understood that I was having a panic attack, so they helped me to the back.

I nearly fainted / blacked out. I was not aware of my surroundings. My entire body felt like it was at bottom of the ocean. All that pressure focused on ears, head, eye, throat, and chest strangled me.

I even thought my headset was too tight, so I tried to take it off. But it wasn't there. They had removed it for me. It was my anxiety.

My heart rate spiked to at least 180 bpm, and didn't lower for at least half an hour. I kinda lost track of time.


I'm not the only barista that suffers from breakdowns. Apparently, our walk-in fridge is used regularly for this, but I was too afraid of getting locked in there to use it lol

Thankfully, my team was really understanding. They gave me an option to go home early, because I was clearly in no shape to work. Plus, I have anxiety meds at home.

I still felt really bad tho. Like, I was supposed to close, and I didn't want to give anyone extra work. I know it's not true, but I still felt like a burden. I couldn't stop saying "sorry".

And I felt really bad for my manager, who is in no way, a bad person. She's just doing her job. Maybe my anxiety made things seem way worse than they were. idk.


Anyways, my shift today went well.

We did have this one old guy ask for a hot chocolate brewed to 200^(oF). When I apologized to him saying that our machine only goes up to 160^(oF), he just _drove off_. Didn't say a word. So our next guest got a free hot chocolate lol

I guess that's all. I'm doing okay now. Hope all you green beans and pros out there are doing well too!

Edit: thanks for the downvotes i guess /:

Also, does anyone else have strategies that help you cope with/manage your panic attacks?
I learned box breathing in therapy, and that kinda helps.