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Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind

Full History - 2021 - 09 - 20 - ID#ps9wk7
89
my shift lead keeps misgendering a new hire (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by KnownUnderstanding56
my store recently hired a new barista who is a trans man. he wears a he/him pin to work and is very open about been a trans man. one of my shift leads is an older (some might say “boomer”) woman and let’s just say, she has a pretty old fashioned mindset about gender and sexuality, as well as race and ethnicity, but those are totally different stories. anyways, she constantly misgenders the new partners and calls him “she”. the other night she told me “go cover for her lunch” and i said “you want my to cover for his lunch?” and she said “yeah for her lunch”. she’s also misgendered him to his face and when he’s in earshot. i feel really bad and try to lowkey emphasize his preferred pronouns to her but either she isn’t catching on or is doing it on purpose :/
Ok-Bowl4392 74 points 1y ago
Keep correcting her every time and don’t do what she wants until she uses the correct pronouns. If she gets mad literally tell her that you respect her authority but you refuse to become an accomplice in her misgendering of another partner. If I was the partner being misgendered I wouldn’t respond to her at all until she used the right pronouns. Also partner resources, your DM, and your SM should all be brought in on the situation. My parents don’t “believe” in different pronouns but they are respectful enough to not misgender people and use proper pronouns if they are displayed someway or if they get corrected. Also the partner this is happening to needs to speak up because you can go to management all you want but if he doesn’t nothing will be done.
Ok-Bowl4392 20 points 1y ago
I had a manager who did what you’re describing and this is what I did. I had to encourage him to go to management and complain. The SSV wasn’t fired but they spent a long time talking to our SM and DM. She also had to take sensitivity training I believe, she was in the back with headphones on watching Modules that seemed to corroborate this.
ThrowawayTheOmlet 52 points 1y ago
If she wants to be an “old fashioned” piece of shit then starbucks isn’t the place she should work for 🙃
ThrowawayTheOmlet 33 points 1y ago
Really though, if she won’t stop, go as high as you need to with it. Starbucks is chock full of queer people, she can’t be pulling that shit with every trans partner she comes across. Its rude af
Saradigm 27 points 1y ago
Go to the SM immediately, and if that doesn’t do it, go to the DM. Go to partner resources, HR. This is absolutely unacceptable. It is discrimination as well as harassment. It may be proper to encourage the affected partner to speak up to the aforementioned resources, perhaps offer to give a statement, but this just boils my blood. I agree with another response here that says to correct her every time. I’m glad I wasn’t you when she responded to your correction with “yeah *her* lunch” because I would have absolutely lost my job without a single regret in the world.
rio8envy7 -21 points 1y ago
It’s not ops business to get involved unless it’s directly happening to Op. going to corporate won’t do anything. Getting involved in other people’s business may just make it worse. Talk to the other partner and see if they’re ok and if they have an issue or it bothers them. If it does then absolutely encourage them to talk to this person directly or their SM. It’s not harassment, abuse, bullying, retaliation, etc. it’s not anyone else’s business except the two partners involved.
LockAzzy 16 points 1y ago
Report that. She has no fucking business triggering someone like that. People can get extremely depressed for being misgendered. One of my best friends is trans male, and has some serious depression because people misgender him, despite his he/him gear.
pineapplegnome 8 points 1y ago
That goes against the Third Place policy...
Charcharsliiide 5 points 1y ago
I’d reach out to the partner being misgendered and ask how you can help. Make sure he knows he can go to the SM and DM and that you’ll support him if he wants you to. Also I’d make sure you’re saying *his pronouns* not preferred pronouns. It’s a little thing but helps get the point across to anyone misgendering someone else that this persons pronouns are not optional. I’ve followed up several times with my SM about my own pronoun issues at work and I’d have loved something as simple as someone else wearing a pronoun pin as well.
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Hplovegood 1 points 1y ago
People make mistakes, but this sounds blatant...
As a newer shift myself, I had to transfer to a new store and hadn't had any trans partners at my old store. I do my very best to respect people's pronouns, but slip ups happen and it feels awful. If a partner has an older way of thinking, I might suggest removing gender when addressing people altogether, "they/them" could be a good beginner step. Respect and communication is key, especially as a shift, I hope this issue gets solved.
-Yoake 4 points 1y ago
>they/them

Do not do this, his pronouns are known and trying to get around them with this is not ok. Transphobes try to pull this all the time to try and appear "neutral"
Hplovegood 1 points 1y ago
I don't think you have any empathy unless it fits within your narrative. Good luck with that.
-Yoake 2 points 1y ago
Narrative? I'm telling you about my lived experience. The people that have done this were not allies of trans people, did not see us as our gender and wanted to say that without saying it. It isn't respectful to use they/them for people you know don't actually use it.
Hplovegood 1 points 1y ago
Also, I don't think it is or would be an appropriate reaction, but she as an older partner might feel ostracized herself and an aggressive retaliation might worsen the problem.
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