Serial killer: can i get a venti matcha water with strawberry inclusions and 2 pumps of classic syrup?

Me internally: monster

Me externally: of course, anything else today?

Edited to add: also back when we had it i served a venti blonde dirty chai with coconut milk, cascara syrup, whipped cream, and caramel drizzle. Shit tasted like the smell of gasoline, and i can only imagine what kind of genocidal sociopath war crimes and atrocities that person committed. I used to call that drink jetfuel.

One of my old regulars murdered his wife/-: Double tall cap is the drink of a monster.

i’m pretty sure i served an escaped convict before! for reference the prison is only a couple miles away from my store. this woman came in wearing a blue jumpsuit that said “property of the united states government” (or something similar) on it and she had super dirty white rubber shoes on. she seemed super anxious the whole time and paid for her drink (a latte) in crumpled up cash out of a plastic baggie.

I mean.. if serving someone an extra hot hot chocolate and watching them drink it with a straw fresh from the steaming pitcher (without wincing) isn’t serial killer material idk what is.

girl go to bed

But I thought Ted Bundy wasn't a fan of blondes?

I have served coffee to Alex Jones of Info Wars, the lowest point in my Starbucks experience

had a customer look me dead in the eyes and say “i’m wanted in eight states for murder…just kidding, just the one” laughed, and drove off. wonder how he’s doing

People who use straws for hot coffee are serial killers

I once served a neo nazi if that counts

So, there is a regular at my store who I’ll just call Joe.

White dude in his mid-late 60s, comes to our store three times per day every day, once to order an 8 shot white mocha, then another time to order a second one of those, and third to get a huge water bc holy fucking dry mouth with those 16 shots. I’m between coming in, he sits in his truck *literally 14 hours per day* doing “computer work”. He has never come to sit in the store, only to order.

When he comes in, he likes to talk to our female baristas and call them “babygirl” and “girlfriend” and shoot the shit with us. He seems harmless in all honesty.

One day though, he came through drive in what seemed like a young woman’s car and seemed frazzled. None of my coworkers had ever seen this car, and he doesn’t talk about having any nieces or daughters.

My coworker and I at the window both looked at each other and essentially both said “whose car is that and where is she”. We laughed it off but I still wonder what was up with that.

Dude I’ve thought the same thing when I was at POS. There are one or two costumers that are quiet enough, nice enough, but possess a liiiiitle too much “suspicious secret” energy in their eyes where I wouldn’t be surprised if they had sewn a few babies together.

There was a shooting at a Burger King next to my store. Apparently three guys got into an argument and started shooting at each other until the cops got there. the whole road was closed and fortunately nobody died.

Months pass and I'm working one night, only two other partners in the store and this guy goes through the DT and orders a frappuccino. He gets to the window and pays. After getting his drink and when he's about to drive off, he asks me "Did you know there was a shooting at that Burger King a few months ago?" And I just go like "oh yeah, that was kinda crazy, right?" And he goes, with the creepiest evil grin in his face "that was me" and drove off...

Nothing happened after, but still, it gave me the chills

Ages ago at another job, I worked at a grocery store where a mother and daughter came in. They were spotted and followed home, and later that night two men broke into their house and killed the mother and both daughters before setting fire to the house, leaving the father for dead (he escaped).

I worked that day. I feel like I might've seen them all- the mother and daughter as well as the killers. It is a surreal thought. I have no way of knowing for sure, of course- until the next day I had no idea that one of the dozens (if not hundreds) of faces I'd seen that shift might've been involved, and that's if they even came to the department I was in.

It's more than a decade later now and I still get a little creeped out by the thought, as well as the uncertainty, and I don't know if being certain that they were there and I saw them would make me feel any better.

Wait, some of them aren’t? Just kidding.

Every time someone dips their sausage cheddar in their coffee

I have a regular and he’s very nice but he looks like he could have been in the mafia or killed a person. He also has like a Russian or Italian accent.

Yeah for sure it’s spooky honestly

A known and convicted pedophile was a regular in my old store. We used to serve him the worst drinks but he still came back. There was nothing we could do, corporate refused to ban him.

There are only ≈ 100 serial killers in the us at any given time so that changes of that is almost 0%

But someone who has killed someone from like self defense or whatever yea probably

We had a regular customer tell us that he was fired from his job, because the police were investigating him for killing his wife. ( He said he didn't do it) He would come in and buy a venti dark, go out to his car for 1 minute, and come back in and get a refill. He did this about 4-5 times, or however long it took him to fill whatever jug he had in his car.

Venti dark black ×5 is a killer.

I think one would tend to just get a “normal “ drink so they don’t stand out to others.

What are the chances of a serial killer serving coffee to another serial killer?

one of my longtime regulars always got a single grande unsweetened iced coffee. he was kinda weird, but still nice. he ended up murdering his wife on valentine's day.

there was a regular at my old store who would order just a tall hot chocolate and sit there for hours. super nice guy but would always tell us strange, violent stories unprompted (i found them lightly amusing since it took the bore out of a work day). he knew which car belonged to which partner and stalked my coworker on a few of her days off. we got him banned from the store after that, then he did that to a shift at a different store. we actually referred to him as the serial killer lol

Considering I'm in Washington yeah probably

I serve myself coffee everyday!

/s

I have a customer who is a confirmed pedophile and racist.

There is a Facebook video of him calling someone N word in a Walmart parking lot, and while trying to lure in my 16 year old coworker, he told her that he had younger girlfriends and wives in other countries 🤨 so the serial killer vibes are realistic.

That's a lot to unpack I know 💀

Lmao. I have an hour commute (round trip) from home to work… so I listen to a lot of serial killer podcasts. So the amount of times things like this cross my mind… way too frequent for a normal person probably

Yeah, there’s a regular that come is that gives us all the creeps. He’s recently changed his name for his orders. And also his order in general. Weird shit.

there’s this one guy that always comes through my drive thru which i struggle to conversate with every single time because of his death stare.. it’s like a perfect plastic smile with wide open eyes that just stare straight into my soul.. the entire time..

Not a murderer (probably), but I work in a chain that's inside a grocery store here in Canada. Dude always ordered a dragon drink, always looked kinda sketchy tbh but was always super polite. One day he got his drink and left, and then the grocery store manager came up to me asking if I could identify him and give some physical discriptions. No idea what actually happened, but this manager looked pretty spooked.

no but I sure as shit will now lmao

All the time

Considering I work less than half a mile from the scene of a park stabbing that happened a few months ago, I’m gonna go with yes.

We have a regular who drinks a grande blonde drip & gets a grande water almost every morning. I’ve been saying for years now they’re gonna discover so many bodies if his property is ever exhumed.

Honestly no, there are maybe 50 serial killers active. Assume that you serve 1 person per minute for a year at 8 hrs a day, 38 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, with no repeated people. That’s 948,480 unique people served. The US census population from a few years ago was 326,000,000 - which is probably fair to use as babies don’t drink Starbucks. So, assuming no regulars the chances of having severed a serial killer in a year is 0.29% or about 1/300. That’s crazy generous and still very unlikely.

Another way to guesstimate this: there are 8,941 company stores. Assuming they are somewhat dispersed proportionally to people, each store has a district population of 8941/326m = 36,461 people per district. Assuming every district has the same chance of having a serial killer, 50/326m times people per district = 0.559% or ~1/200. And about 64% of Americans drink coffee. That gives 0.36% of a serial killer lives in your evenly populated district and drinks coffee. Surprisingly, again that’s about 1/300.

So maybe, 1 in 300 stores has served a serial killer. In other words, if I collected a barista (that has worked long enough to have served most people in their district) from 300 different stores, about 1 of them might have served a serial killer.

I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I wouldn’t bet on it. It’s about as likely as guessing heads or tails correctly 8 times in a row on the first try.