U mean to tell me u have a masculine voice, pronoun pins AND facial hair and people still misgender you? I feel like they’re doing it on purpose at that point, I’m sorry OP :(

Nope. I used to say "oh I'm not a ma'am, but thanks!" or "I'm a they, but i appreciate it!" but then someone complained to my DM and I'm the one who got in trouble, so now I just ignore it and die inside.

In my store, each trans partner has had a different comfort level. One partner wanted it to be addressed short and sweet, not a big conversation so as a team we could support by anytime we heard "he" we could quickly correct any customer or partner "she" and move on. Another partner preferred a shift or manager pull the person aside and correct them. Another partner felt comfortable with correcting everyone themselves and asked that we stay out of it unless someone was harassing. I would decide what you feel supports you best and share that with your manager so your team can support you!

nah it wasn’t worth it in the slightest. personally, i don’t care if randos misgender me because
1. they don’t know my pronouns
2. most of the time, they mean no harm
3. i won’t be interacting with them long term.

it would be different if it was family, friends, or coworkers because i’m always around them, but i’m comfortable with my identity so i don’t seek validation from strangers (absolutely no hate to those that do, this is just myself personally)

As a small nonbinary person with the small Starbucks they/them/theirs pin and short hair I'm 99.9% never gendered correctly. I normally just say a light, "I'm not a girl" under my breath all the time when I'm walking around the floor or getting the customers drinks ready after they say something like, "hey girly, how are you?"/"hey girl, what's up?"/"oh she's making my drink."
If people hear me they don't ever say anything about it. And then just continue on their lovely oblivious way as I usually have a moment of 🙃 and take a deep breath and move on. This job tests me in my security and insecurity of myself internally. Most of the time I'm good, but every once in a while it does hurt.

i’m non-binary so my experience is way different than you but i do have preferred pronouns and if someone doesn’t use them i say “hey, i know you might not have intended to use the incorrect pronouns for me but i go by they/them”. luckily i’ve had more positive experiences than negative. but if they’re not respecting my pronouns then it makes it clear to me they are not a kind person and i will not engage with them more than necessary. if they are purposefully disrespecting you tell a shift or a manager. clearly you are masc. presenting and they are just doing it to fuck with you. def tell someone. tou deserve to feel safe and respected in which the place you work.

As a cis gendered person, correct us. Like always. Everyone could be humbled, really.

I have a partner who just came out as trans and he constantly gets misgendered. I feel like he doesn’t correct a lot of our regulars because they knew him before he came out. But even so I do correct people and most of our customers are pretty chill. I feel lucky enough to be in an area where most of our customers are regulars and they are just chill and very nice

I have the same problem as a transwoman at my store in the Southern US. Mostly fine, but the people who do misgender are particularly rude and do it deliberately. I have insanely bad social anxiety but my partners tend to help me out when people are just being mean for the sake of being hateful.

ive only done it once cuz someone was trying to get my attention by calling me ma'am so i ignored him at first and then said 'it's sir, not ma'am.' and he actually apologized 😌 but usually i don't bother cuz i got used to being misgendered pre t and it doesn't happen as often anymore

I have 3 pronoun pins. I write my pronouns on my name tag. Literally no customer correctly genders me. In fact some go out of their way to misgender me after I corrected them. My coworkers used to go to bat for me but we all just got tired of it. I’d correct people and they’d get upset but still misgender me. After a year of this we all gave up. Now I just misgender people that go out of their way to misgender me. They really REALLY don’t like that, but they still don’t change their behavior. Funny enough outside of work I’m pretty much never misgendered.

I am cisgender, but I highly encourage you to correct people about your pronouns. Most people do want to be respectful of you and will appreciate knowing how you want to be referred to as!

nope :/ this job is exhausting enough i don't have it in me to correct customers or 90% of my coworkers.

honestly, no. it sucks but im far too shy to want to even try.

whenever a customer says “thank you sir” or something g like that i just mumble “don’t call me sir” when they drive off

only ones i actually correct are my coworkers because they really should know better but sadly some of them still misgender me anyway

I can't bring myself to do it, but my coworkers stand up for me sometimes. Its really difficult. Its like my pronoun pins don't even exist :(

My SM has explained to our regulars that I identify as male. And they are getting better but still misgender sometimes. Doesn't really bother me, well it does but at the same time? They aren't a friend or whatever so I take it as a mistake.

I wear a He/Him badge and have a little Trans badge to match. Plus I have masculine name and facial hair. But because I still have shall we say the top half of a female. I get called she/lady all the time and just sigh gently then ignore it.

One customer called me She once, their friend gently nudged them, gestured to my badge and then the customer apologised. Since then? They have called me Sir/ Him every since. In terms of others such as friends or other staff?

I get if sometimes a slip up happens in terms of pronouns. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. I am chill with that. But if they do it purposely? I will gently pull them to one side and explain politely.

I used to get misgendered when I was on drive thru because my voice wasn’t deep enough. And I’d get misgendered once or twice here and there. Been on T for 7 months and now I always get called sir, but I feel you.

I have literally only been gendered correctly ONCE by a customer and have had a different name (and wore a pronoun pin for a year) for two years. I should probably care more but I feel like it’s more effort than it’s worth. And I stopped wearing a pronoun pin because SO MANY customers were weird and rude about it.

Not trans, but I correct the customers for my trans partners if I hear it. Trying to do my part as an ally. And I don’t do it like, “actually it’s *she*/*he*” I’ll usually come over and be like pretending to be supervising and then be like, “alright *they*/*correct pronoun* will have that right out for you” and usually they get the message

Tbh I just try not to interact with customers unless I'm at dt or cafe bar.
I have had a customer correct her mom in front of me and it was really nice tho

i’m agender and use they/it (i don’t expect people to use it pronouns regularly. i just like it) pronouns but present really feminine cause, yknow whatever i’m still agender regardless of how i present, and i’ll constantly get misgendered by even coworkers who are aware of my pronouns. a lot of the time i can’t even feel like i can fault them because i just. present feminine. it sucks but there’s just a point where i’ve had to accept that no matter how many times i correct people, they’re not going to use them if they haven’t started already. it super sucks when they’re also part of the lgbt community in any way cause then it just feels like a double whammy lol.

Not quite the same but our name tags have pronouns and I requested that mine have both sets of pronouns I use (she/ they). My name tag isn’t in yet but I’m already kind of nervous for the conversations I might have as a result of it.

i’m not far along on T so i don’t pass and honestly i would have to correct so many customers that are only going to interact w me once… i just don’t even bother 🙃 and i can’t really blame them either. but the fact that you have visible/audible masculine aspects and they’re still using the wrong pronouns shows they’re the assholes i’m sorry :(

It depends if it's a 1 time customer no if it's a regular yes

i wish :( I don’t even bother correcting my coworkers. it’s like a 50/50 chance of being called either pronoun and i just roll with whatever they decide to say bc i don’t want to cause any arguments since a few of the managers or shift leads or whatever they are love to bicker and start shit w regular baristas over like everything :(

At this point, yep.

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customers at my store misgender the cis men more than the trans men here so we normally don’t even think about it. people are just stupid :/

my manager and i scream that i’m not a girl over my headset a lot, she does a lot of passive aggressive (more aggressive than anything lol) pronoun correction. we have one regular named let’s call her Paula. she’s the bane of my existence, my one if i could fight this bitch free card. she called me girly pop for the longest time, she has caused issues with my baristas, and she’s so entitled it hurts me. my SM is the most supportive ally i know, (her child is non binary so she really looks out for me who is also non binary) she aggressively used they and them around Paula for weeks and now? she’ll name drop me but not use any pronouns, which is wonderful. i think it’s a step in the right direction. still wanna fight the woman

I have one partner that does and a few that don’t. One of the ones that doesn’t is comfortable with me correcting the customer if I’m there.

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i don’t for a variety of reasons.
a) i’m not comfortable enough to make myself a potential target for other people. not all but a decent amount of cisgender people get very defensive and weird if i do correct them OUTSIDE of work….i’d imagine it would be worse at work.
b) people can have their own conceptions of me. it says nothing about how i actually am, but rather says more about them. So, when someone does misgender me, that’s them pertaining to the gender binary that i no longer consider myself a part of.

however, what does matter to me are how my fellow partners refer to me as i’m far closer to them then people i barely know. i also work with a group that i know would defend me if transphobia did arise.

overall, i just genuinely don’t care. however i know that other trans people are bothered by it so i don’t wanna seem dismissive. sometimes on a bad dysphoria day, it stings for sure.

There’s a guy at my store who is endlessly being misgendered. And I keep correcting them. It seems pointed. Today they went on and on talking about him using “she” he started at our store as he/him so it’s a choice. I tried to get them to stop but they stepped over me and kept doing it. Next time I work I’m going to talk to my new manager and let them know what they did.

i used to wear a pronoun pin and correct customers every time in the beginning, then i slowed down as i realized it was getting exhausting having to constantly battle with random strangers about my identity. eventually, when my voice got deeper and i started to look more masculine, i noticed i got misgendered a lot less than before.

when it happens now, i completely ignore it/pretend like they were talking to my coworker. i also stopped wearing my pronoun pin after my voice dropped and less people misgendered me after that, as well. i think this is because hateful people see a pronoun pin and think "they're transgender" and go out of their way to harass those who wear them.

so maybe try ditching the pin for a few shifts and see if it makes any difference for you? if the misgendering gets worse without the pin, you can always put it back on :)

nope 🤠

Think about it as if you were cis. A cis gendered person would not hesitate to correct someone, so neither should you. ALWAYS correct people ❤️

I don't ever correct them directly, but my fellow partners do. I have some facial hair, a he/they pin (unfortunately no neopronouns pins :,)), and an androgynous name but even the regulars still call me little girl and ma'am. Sometimes I'll loudly say "not a lady" or "it's not ma'am" and they'll look a little guilty but then it all starts again.

No ngl, like, rn since i'm 10 months on T and my voice is kinda ambiguous, I let it happen but it's kinda odd to me because I feel like customers who put their whole breath into saying Ma'am is on purpose. I am sporting a stache so hopefully when the mask karate is over and covid isn't too bad that it gives me a more masculine look ig.

nope, unfortunately social anxiety and autism makes it too hard

Even though I've been on T for 11 months I still get misgendered. I let it slide tho. I live in Indiana, I don't wanna get hate hatecrimed 😅

Tbh I haven't come out yet to my store ik I would be accepted but I'm scared because I'm new

I correct them sometimes and depending on how I’m feeling.!!! I feel some do it on accident and some on purpose! Overall it’s very Aggravating

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Me and a lot of my coworkers are trans and honestly none of us do unless we're feeling especially bitter on that day and want an excuse to talk back (none of my shift managers will bat an eye if we correct someone for it). I already get enough crap because I have a very nonbinary name that people find weird (as an aside why are some birds allowed to be names but others not?).

It depends on the customer for me. As someone who uses they/them pronouns, having to explain that to folks who are learning English as a second language or anyone who is not well acquainted with enby folks or neutral pronouns can be exhausting and time consuming. But if it's a regular, i usually will.

I don't, it bothers me greatly but I am not very far on HRT and my voice gives me away on drive thru :(

I wish i had the confidence to correct people. I just kinda ignore it. Only ever had one partner step in for me and oddly enough it was the same partner who purposely misgendered me for weeks (I was super thrown off but it was heart warming)

I get ma’amed pretty much all day every day. I don’t say anything, it would be way too exhausting and might cause me to get in arguments so not worth it. I just don’t respond is someone tries the whole “excuse me, ma’am” thing. I’m not a ma’am and there’s a 99% chance I’m on bar so I’m not responding to you if I didn’t initiate the contact LOL. But when I get a “thank you, sir!” from a customer who heard my voice without seeing me (I’ve got a femme leaning androgynous look, but a masc voice) it makes me entire day.

naw, i don't care about any of them or what they think I am or anything. doesn't really even register to me, although I am transfemme I am not necessarily a girl, and I don't care to try to explain what I am to customers anyway

I don't even correct coworkers lol. Though I'm non binary and am usually okay with all pronouns

I could never.

At least not now. I don't expect anyone to gender me correctly; I'm too tall, broadly built, have too deep a voice, and stand in such a way to hide my chest (because of the other things; don't want to get glared at if I'm not gonna get gendered correctly anyways).

*Maybe* I'll be comfortable correcting customers (or maybe even my coworkers) some day, but, honestly, I probably never will.

Sometimes it's just not worth the energy to correct them and just get them out of there. Personally I'm non-binary and I think as long as you and your team know who you are, Rando customers don't matter

I am petty so I would just misgender them back, had some old men be extremely angry with me for calling them ma'am but I just played stupid and got away with it. I have a deep voice and usually pass so I assume they were doing it on purpose. No regrets.

Sometimes when I can tell it’s on purpose, but most the time no. My voice is still not trained so all though I look very fem if the voice is all they notice it’s not entirely their fault. Still gets me dysphoric though.

Honestly? I don’t correct most people, with some exceptions for say, regular customers that I take a liking to, or people who are typically polite, etc etc. I’ve been thinking more about correcting people, but I don’t want to cause a problem.

Your post actually just encouraged me to talk to my manager about correcting people, thank you! c:

I used to never do it bc I was super anxious and i would just avoid getting on DT bc that was always the worst, but I started T and moved to a tarbucks so it rarely happens now. But when it does, idk if it’s from being on T but I’m just pretty blunt and say like “it’s sir actually” or something like that, and since I’m overly nice when in customer service mode they apologize and I am just like no it’s ok and keep it moving. The first time I corrected a customer it felt amazing and I highly recommend to anyone who is able to and is just building up courage :)

Absolutely. My pronouns are written on my name tag and I have a fairly large They/Them pin just below it on my apron. If they get it wrong I will correct them every time. Not too mention it’s fun for me to do at customers who are angry.