Hello all! First time poster but long time lurker with a throwaway as a precaution.
So, I've recently joined back up with the Siren as an old returning partner (about 10 plus years ago was when I last worked here). I was leaving another company at the time because of a pretty toxic manager and work environment. So while job hunting I jumped at the opportunity to work back with a company I had always fondly remembered. I was a manager of sorts at my last job and when I saw a posting for an ASM position, I went for it. I was applying to other places too, but was mostly hoping to work with the Siren again.

4 weeks later I got called for an interview via a recruiter. The interview went great! I was asked to do another interview with the RM and DM the following week. That one went great as well and I was super excited! Now, I did learn through those interviews that an ASM isn't really an official position anymore, and it's really just a bench position into becoming an SM nowadays. I thought okay, that wasn't really what I was initially looking for but hey, it's overall a better company compared to where I'm at and maybe I'll like being an SM, so let's go with it and see where this goes.

A couple days later, I get a call back with an offering of the job! What's better, I'll be making a good amount more then what I was making from my previous job! I was ecstatic and happy to be able to leave for better ventures.

Now, for a bit of context about myself that I think may help explain my future/current thought processes. I tend to over worry and over analyze most things in my life. I tend to stress about things that have happened or things that could happen and OBSESS about the possible negative outcomes. Work related or not. I've never really talked to anybody about my issues and would always just stress myself out in secret, and pretend like everything was fine. I didn't want to burden anyone with my feelings that for the most part, I knew were irrational at times. (I do plan on getting consoling for these things once I qualify for health insurance) That was a big part of the reason why I stayed at my previous toxic work environment for as long as I did (about 10 years). I was beginning to have crying meltdowns silently at home and while at work, stressing out about my job and the things going or things that could happen. But I was also feeling like I had no other choice, as I had spent so long with that company, I felt like I couldn't succeed at doing something else. I mentally trapped myself in that job and convinced myself that I couldn't leave and wouldn't find anything better. But I hit a breaking point that my boss started the catalyst for, and I finally realized that if I didn't try to find something better, then I was only hurting myself and mental well being and I was going to crash and burn. This place did not care about my well being, and I knew I had to leave.

Anywho, I quit the other job and start working with the Siren. Going trough the barista training, I'm really enjoying it and having fun relearning the craft! I remembered most of the drinks and picked up on the new ones relatively quickly and having fun while doing it! Going through the Shift training, I'm still having fun learning the shift responsibilities and picking that stuff up pretty quickly as well, all while being guided by the SM of the store. This SM, they are an AMAZING SM and person in general and I could not be happier learning from them. Throughout the training they are very supportive and very encouraging. As we go through day by day, they are helping me to understand the importance of what we are doing and showing me to view everything through the lens of being an SM.

Here and there throughout, I would get this nagging feeling in the back of my head. I kept pushing it away, thinking its just me doing what I always do, over analyzing and worrying about things. I start thinking... Will I actually like being a SM? I was already stressed out at my last job with the responsibilities I had. Do I really want this? You weren't even initially looking to manage your own store. I know that if I apply myself to the job, on a technical level, I could do it. But, do I want to?
These thoughts would keep popping up, but I would push them down. You never know that you'll like something until you try right? Besides, anyone that I WOULD talk to about my feelings on this would assure me that I'm completely capable of doing the job and not to worry so much. So I must be worrying over nothing.

Now we are getting into the meat of things, the actual SM training. That's where my anxieties start to ramp up. By this point, I have seen and dealt with some of the problems I'm going to have to deal with first hand. Call outs, staffing issues, inventory problems, all that jazz. And even though I'm handling it well so far, its only within the capacity of being a "shift" in the moment. And when I go home at the end of a tough day my initial feeling is "boy am I glad I can forget about today and relax" and then have to remind myself, "Oh, but when I'm the SM of my own store, I'm going to have to be more involved then that aren't I?" I'll have to be proactive not just reactive in solving these issues. I'm going to be the one responsible for fixing those issues on a more involved level.

Then I try to think about how I would solve those problems as the SM. Then I start to OBSESS how to overcome those problems. So much so that that's all I'm thinking about while at home, and during all my free time to myself at home, I'm obsessing about a theoretical scenarios I'll have to face. Then the end of the day has crept up on me, and it's now time for me to go to sleep for the next day of work. I begin to realize that when issues arise, I will need to be there for my team basically 24/7 if they need me. Even if that means working myself to the bone and possibly working up to 70 hours in a week to achieve that. That's how the SM is at this store anyway. Which is what makes them an amazing SM in my book. They are there for their team, no matter what and are always available for their team, for as much as they can be. They encourage the team to reach out to them when they need it, even on days off or when the SM is on vacation. And I know that that is what's needed for being an SM for Starbucks right now, for some stores anyway (for this district...).

I'm an individual that it's already really hard for me to relax and distress. And I'm an individual that wants to be able to enjoy their free time without worry. When I'm not working, the last thing I want to do is obsess about work. I would rather relax with the games I play, shows I enjoy and overall enjoy my passions and hobbies on my free time. Which has been nothing at the moment, with my current tendencies.

I begin to realize that being an SM would end up BEING my life. Especially given my tendencies (add to the fact that I'm also a people pleaser to my own detriment at times). I would have to give up parts of my life and myself in order to effectively manage a store within the current environment and the state of things as they are now.

I see the state of some stores in this district. There are stores right now that have trouble even being open at full capacity because they can't hire enough people, or keep partners around for long enough for various reasons. And you can see in these stores what some of the clear problems are. For some, its the SM themselves, but it is also sometimes just the way this company is doing things. Plus, this job can get really tough at times, especially when compounded with the existing issues we are already facing. Though the DM and RM here in my area are amazing from what I can see and are compassionate people who are actively trying to communicate with stores and associates to fix these problems, I know there are some things they cannot control. And I would be having to face those issues along side of everything else, while expected to deliver the results the company wants.

And, as obsessive as I can be at times, I'm begining to think that this position is not right for me or my mental health. I KNOW my tendencies, and I KNOW that I tend to obsess or stress out about problems at an unhealthy level. I'm not even an SM yet, but I'm stressing out about theoretical situations that I may or may not even face in the future. Which, I already know I'll more then likely take over a store that has prior standing issues that I will be expected to fix and produce results. I mean, there are already SMs who are HAVING PANIC ATTACKS about the stress they go though on a daily basis currently, and I see
myself becoming like those SMs.

It was really hard for me to come to terms with the thought of this decision, as I know I'll be letting people down, and these people believed in me and had invested in me. I see myself as a failure to meet these peoples expectations of me, and fear what they will think of me for it. But I think the biggest thing that made me realize that I ultimately need to do what's best for myself was during a meeting with the DM during one of our sit downs (to check on my progress) they mentioned, "I want you to remember that you are also a partner here. And though your job as an SM is to take care of your partners needs, remember not to neglect your own needs as well." And that really stuck with me. I saw myself as an SM, but not as a partner, and was willing to neglect my own needs for what I THOUGHT was best.

I still want to be with this company. I'm otherwise really enjoying my time here. I love making the drinks, love the team I'm working with and overall loving the customers and what I do. But I think I need to step down from an SM position for my own well being.
I'm mostly venting to the void, but if anyone does read this, I want to and look forward to any feedback! I want to know if there have been others in similar positions and what they ended up deciding to do and how it's going for you since then? I've been a lurker for a long while and enjoy this sub very much. Sorry for the long post, haha.

TL;DR I took a position as an ASM recently, but as time goes on through the training process, I'm beginning to realize it may not be for me because of my own personal short comings and some other factors too. I still like the job overall, but I'm thinking of stepping down into a Shift position instead. Has anyone else been in a similar situation(Starbucks or not)? If so what did you decide and how are things going for you now?

Edit: Fixed some spelling errors and reformatted it a bit so its easier to read, if anyone does.