Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind
↑
24
↓
Is my ssv intending to be transphobic? (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by The_tired_barista
So I work with a shift, let’s call him John. I am also one of two openly trans guys at my store, the other is another shift, Mike who passed very well as a cis guy. Anyway. This lady comes through drive and says she talked to some woman who works at my store and the woman said she could come back and have her drink remade. John heard this and said to the staff on floor, “which woman? I’m the only guy who works here”, I gave him a look and he backtracked and said “genetically”. He then proceeded to call me “young lady” in a joking manner referring to a comment a customer had made a while back (which he has done a few times in the past when he’s annoyed or I did something that might get another review made). This whole experience doesn’t sit well with me as this isn’t his first time making kinda rude comments about this topic.
bonersz 34 points 1y ago
if that isn't intentional, he's extremely ignorant. you deffo should take that up with management bc that is Not okay, esp if it isnt the first time it's happened. please please please tell your sm or even dm about it bc thats not okay!!!! im so sorry hes dehumanizing n misgendering you like that i woulda thrown hands if i were there
The_tired_barista [OP] 5 points 1y ago
His comments are unintentional sometimes and intentional others. Like tonight was intentional and the “running joke” is. But sometimes he talks before he thinks. I don’t want to bring it to hr if he doesn’t mean to be rude (he has a very dry sense of humor), I have the tendency of taking things the wrong way. But I think the way he says things like this is being rude. I just… I don’t want to cause more issues than I need too
bonersz 10 points 1y ago
understandable, but his humor (dry or not) shld Not be based on your identity/who you are, esp since a lot of the time its . transphobic . i get it if you dont wanna cause any problems but reporting it could also keep him from harming other trans partners in the future yanno?
bejones1 4 points 1y ago
Yes. I totally agree. It’s important to set people straight when we have the strength to do so. That way those coming after us don’t have to.
OP. I wish you all the courage and strength, no matter the course you take.
OP. I wish you all the courage and strength, no matter the course you take.
sticks-and-moss 14 points 1y ago
He's being transphobic call Partner Resources. You deserve to be treated better.
The_tired_barista [OP] 1 points 1y ago
Fun thing about him also, he’s blocking my promotion rn as well. It’s such a tricky thing bc he could just be joking and doesn’t mean to be rude since he has a very dry sense of humor but I just can’t tell if it’s being rude or being a dumbass
bejones1 6 points 1y ago
It doesn’t matter if he’s joking or not. He’s making you feel uncomfortable and should stop. Period.
MiaLedger 2 points 1y ago
If he's calling you "young lady" as a joke based on what the customer said, then that in a way is like saying he acknowledges you as not a young lady. Otherwise it wouldn't be a joke. It may not be something you like, and if that's the case you can absolutely let him know and ask him to stop, but I don't think this is transphobic.
ConfusionDisastrous8 1 points 1y ago
Maybe just talk to him. If you say he's got a dry sense of humor, maybe he truly doesn't understand that it's offending you. I'm not sure you'll get the outcome you desire by bringing it to anyone else other than the person upsetting you. Plus, calling it in takes an extremely long time and is a whole process. It can be resolved much quicker by just saying, hey dude, when you say, xyz, etc, it bothers me because, or I feel upset when people misgender me and go into detail. Sorry this is happening. A lot of people are just truly ignorant about it of they haven't experienced it or been close to someone in your position. Good luck op.
happybowlita83 1 points 1y ago
You need to tell him those comments aren't welcome or something you don't find funny and instead consider it harrasment even if you aren't sure if its all intentional or not. If he continues even once you can take it up to your SM and if that does nothing DM and if still nothing is done Partner Resources. They'll want to know you took these steps beforehand to try to solve
The_tired_barista [OP] -1 points 1y ago
The only 2 reasons I haven’t said anything to him about it yet is he takes everything personally and gets extremely defensive. And he’s blocking both my transfer and my promotion (to promote I have to transfer but for me to transfer I have to promote.) it’s a difficult situation for me bc I don’t want to get him in trouble if he truly doesn’t mean it but I just, I don’t know.
happybowlita83 4 points 1y ago
There's no way a SSV can block your transfer that's usually only dealt between SMs and DMs. If he gets defensive it should be brought up to management accordingly, you as well as the other partners in your store need to feel comfortable while working too. If you consider it harrasment and he continues or gets defensive, action can be takem and should be taken by management.
The_tired_barista [OP] 0 points 1y ago
Technically he can, my SM takes the word of the ssv very closely. While they think I’m ready for a promotion, they will listen to each SSVs opinion, and he has a huge opinion and flat out told me if he gets asked, he’s going to say I’m not ready. Despite the fact that I’ve ran shifts probably 4 or 5 times now for our new ssv who was lost.
happybowlita83 3 points 1y ago
This is definitely harrasment then and I suggest you try to record any interactions or have another partner with you when you try to speak to this SSV or your SM about the issue to have records to take up to higher management so it doesn't just get ignored or you don't end up being the one at loss for all this. Usually an investigation is done and the SMs word will be taken into higher consideration than yours sadly.
dankmobile 0 points 1y ago
as a trans guy, that’s 100% intentional. respecting you in that situation takes nothing, he’s going out of his way to make transphobic comments
Available_Use3321 0 points 1y ago
i- y’all in the replies are weird that is 100% transphobic
cynicosm 0 points 1y ago
there is a line when it comes to "joking" with your coworkers, and it seems like he's crossed that line. at the end of the day, that is not his place to be joking about you getting misgendered at work. i think you should talk to him, and if he continues this behavior and blocking your promotion, then you able to rightfully assume he means it personally and can contact partner resources about it.
if your coworkers, especially the other shift Mike, have witnessed this, maybe talk to them about it too and see what they think. i'm so sorry you are being treated so poorly because of this guy
if your coworkers, especially the other shift Mike, have witnessed this, maybe talk to them about it too and see what they think. i'm so sorry you are being treated so poorly because of this guy
[deleted] 0 points 1y ago
Wtf yes he is, "I meant genetically" are you talking to a human gene sequencer then?
[deleted] -11 points 1y ago
[removed]
[deleted] 10 points 1y ago
[removed]
[deleted] -8 points 1y ago
[removed]
[deleted] 10 points 1y ago
[removed]
[deleted] 4 points 1y ago
[removed]
This nonprofit website is run by volunteers.
Please contribute if you can. Thank you!
Our mission is to provide everyone with access to large-
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
scale community websites for the good of humanity.
Without ads, without tracking, without greed.
©2023 HumbleCat Inc • HumbleCat is a 501(c)3 nonprofit based in Michigan, USA.