I am not trying to complain but I need to get some of it off my chest. I love my job, I love bar and drive thru a lot. I love cleaning the store when it’s dirty.

We have a male shift that I absolutely despise, we will call him J. None of this makes it better when he told me I remind him of his daughter, she’s 5, I’m 19. When I first started, he was asking me questions about anything, all of time. I made flash cards, he took them away from me, and blamed me for him taking them away because you’re supposed to study at home not work. Okay whatever, that bit is whatever. Next, I’m on dtr with him as dto. I’m making the customer connect and he pokes my back or touches the side of my arm to tell me to end the conversation and get their drinks out. I told him one time that I didn’t appreciate it and to stop. He blamed him doing so on me because I was taking too long or not paying attention. He continued to touch me. I told my sm. Since then, I haven’t been put on drive thru.

Yesterday, I’m put on support. I’ve done the lists, I’ve ran around and cleaned countertops. I go out in the café and clean tables and the front door, both sides. The shift is charges asks me if I wanna go to another store to get soap, I go there, I come back. I asked the shift if I can go back to cleaning my doors. She told me yes go ahead. I’m over by the side door by mobiles. J said can you grab that glass cleaner. I said I’m still using it and spray my door again. I start wiping it and J goes can you get this customer? I look over, that man’s drink is already done thankfully because of one of our barista who knew him. That shift in charge was just standing there. She had an open opportunity to do it. I go back to wiping and he says it again. I put my napkins down, look at him and go, yeah I’m going. I had to open my account on the front register. Thankfully, that customer is very sweet and doesn’t give a hard time to anymore. Next, I’m on mobile bar and J is on drive thru. I’m trying to my best to get these drinks out. I’ve got mobiles in cafe and drive, on top of that a 6 steak mobile all one order thing. Typically, I get pulled off when that happens. I pushed through it. J would asking me if I have somebody who in drive and I guess I was too snappy with him. Like my tone of voice I guess. I said to myself I’m going to catch an attitude and apparently a customer heard me somehow. 3 minutes before the end of my shift. A shift I love and our assistance sm sit me down because of the problem I have with J and my attitude problem, they called it a verbal coaching.

When I came in to work, I was already slightly depressed, I do have severe anxiety and depression, I used to take meds but ran out when I moved, I didn’t see a change when I took them so I stopped.

That verbal coaching set me off, I cried on my way out and to the car. I cried in the car. I cried when I got home, I cried while trying to eat. I literally told one of the shifts, that anything bad could be my 13th reason why today. I have a lot of trauma and anger, I hold it in and yes I know that bad but that’s how I was raised.

I took it upon myself, to get a psychiatrist and get back on meds. At this point, I don’t care I’m a zombie from the meds. I’d rather not feel anything at all than feel.

Yesterday there was 4 shifts and 3 barista. From 4:30-11am. I didn’t know who to listen to, I don’t know who to trust anymore. Typically I wear make up and pearls for something easy to remember me by. Now I’m going back to wearing my mask to just try not to be seen. Maybe that’s extreme but I’d rather not be seen anymore. Just work until I’m done and forget I did that day.

I feel like I’m being reprimanded because I don’t like a male shift touching me or because I can’t control my vocal tone.

I don’t know what to do anymore. If you’ve actually read all of this, thank you for listening to me complain.