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Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind

Full History - 2022 - 05 - 20 - ID#uudjb5
6
HELP (harassment) (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by EffectiveInsurance69
I recently started working at Starbucks. For background, I am a 17-year-old FTM person who doesn't necessarily pass, but usually, that isn't an issue with my coworkers. We just had a new shift supervisor start working at our store (M, around 30ish) who seemed cool at first. I've worked a few shifts with him and he seemed fine, but the other night I was closing with him and another coworker of mine. This supervisor randomly asked me if he could "ask a personal question", and I said sure because I was a bit uncomfortable. He asked how far into my transition I am. For context, I've never disclosed my gender identity to him, I've only shared my pronouns. I felt really on the spot so I told him a few details about my transition that are really personal and not something I wanted to or felt ready to share, but I felt really on the spot and uncomfortable, so I guess I just word vomited. I was also kind of scared because he's obviously older and in a position of power over me, and I didn't want to upset him just in case he wasn't cool with my identity. Also earlier in my shift, he asked my coworker how much they weigh, which was really weird and uncalled for. The whole situation made me uncomfortable, and it also gave some of my coworkers confirmation that I'm trans, which I'm not comfortable with. I'm wondering if I should report him? Idk, I feel like I'm overreacting but I also second guess myself a lot, so I'm not sure. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
monstermonixx 5 points 1y ago
Hey! I'm so sorry that you were put in an uncomfortable position at work :( I don't necessarily know that this constitutes harassment, but I don't think it could ever hurt to tell someone that questions like that make you uncomfortable. Using your voice and self advocacy are beyond important in life, and I implore you to utilize them as best you can.

It doesn't sound like your manager was trying to make you uncomfortable, it seems more to me like he was just trying to be friendly and get to know you (but I don't know the context entirely). I just want you to know that in any situation, even if someone is in power above you, it's okay to set your own boundaries. Actually, definitely set your own boundaries, and make people aware of those boundaries!!!!

Good luck!!!! 🥰
Jessicap1400 2 points 1y ago
Ethics and compliance immediately! Totally inappropriate and sounds like he has no problem acting this way to others too. In his 30s and acting like that? In a management position?? You should definitely report him. Im so sorry that happened you should never be put in that situation 💚💚 That kind of behavior is never ok and should not be tolerated.
Kambina_Smoke 2 points 1y ago
One of my favorite phrases is "none ya business." He knew it was a personal question beyond the scope of being a coworker and I strongly suggest you answer with a brief 'no' when you are uncomfortable. That in itself is a complete sentence and it does not have to be unfriendly unless you would like it to be. :)
BelligerentCoroner 1 points 1y ago
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Maybe it would be useful to have a phrase handy for when situations like that arise, such as, "I'm not comfortable discussing personal matters at work," or even better, "Kindly fuck off."

If someone asks if they can ask me a personal question, I usually respond with, "Yes, but I may not answer it," or "It depends on what the question is." That way I don't feel obligated to answer, since I never told them I would.
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