Starbucks Baristas: The daily grind
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pet names from coworkers (self.starbucksbaristas)
submitted by lovey12120
does anyone else have the problem of coworkers who call you demeaning pet names like “honey” or “sweetheart”? like idk why it bugs me so much but it takes all my will and soul to not roll my eyes and sternly tell them to not call me that. lowkey i still roll my eyes, just to myself in private.
the worst is when they’re only like 3-5 years older than me (i’m in my early 20s). what in the audacity. it’s still annoying when partners who are past they’re 30s call me it too. it just makes me feel like a child and it lowkey feels condescending.
at my store, the partners who call me these pet names are funnily enough the ones who are the worst at their job, despite them working at the siren for more than 4-5 months at this point. like girlllll you can’t be calling me “honey” and talk to me like a child when i’ve barely worked here for 4 months and i can do better. like i’m always the one saving their asses on the floor when they’ve been doing one drink for 5-10 minutes and customers start to look angry.
and it’s not like i don’t like pet names at all. if i’m close with someone, yeah we use pet names for each other. but this is also a work setting and it doesn’t feel like a term of affection between friends. more like a term of condescension because they think they’re better than me or smth. idk i’m just so over it haha
the worst is when they’re only like 3-5 years older than me (i’m in my early 20s). what in the audacity. it’s still annoying when partners who are past they’re 30s call me it too. it just makes me feel like a child and it lowkey feels condescending.
at my store, the partners who call me these pet names are funnily enough the ones who are the worst at their job, despite them working at the siren for more than 4-5 months at this point. like girlllll you can’t be calling me “honey” and talk to me like a child when i’ve barely worked here for 4 months and i can do better. like i’m always the one saving their asses on the floor when they’ve been doing one drink for 5-10 minutes and customers start to look angry.
and it’s not like i don’t like pet names at all. if i’m close with someone, yeah we use pet names for each other. but this is also a work setting and it doesn’t feel like a term of affection between friends. more like a term of condescension because they think they’re better than me or smth. idk i’m just so over it haha
StuffiesAndBeatSaber 34 points 11m ago
I personally find it endearing when people call me pet names like that. I take it as they want to verbally signal they care for me, without being too weird about it.
It definitely depends on HOW they're saying it, though. If you notice them ONLY saying it to you and no one else, then I'd probably take the time to tell them it makes you uncomfortable. If they are just the type of person to use pet names for anyone, even strangers, then I don't think they're doing it to be condescending.
It definitely depends on HOW they're saying it, though. If you notice them ONLY saying it to you and no one else, then I'd probably take the time to tell them it makes you uncomfortable. If they are just the type of person to use pet names for anyone, even strangers, then I don't think they're doing it to be condescending.
esaeklsg 6 points 11m ago
Yeah, my first instinct was there's regional differences at play. Using pet names for people is very common in certain regions / has a different meaning. Additionally, I found that a couple partners I've worked with in the past from certain regions have a very different default speed of doing things. It's a weird spot to be in.
But baring regional differences, generally these words are disgustingly condescending, yeah.
But baring regional differences, generally these words are disgustingly condescending, yeah.
lovey12120 [OP] 3 points 11m ago
i would find it endearing from partners im closer with (and i do from a few of my fellow partners) but these particular coworkers are not ones i’m very close with and we’re just not like that yk.
it’s just the context and when they say it is what bugs me. usually these partners will say it in more of like a “baby voice” and it’s more or less condescending. idk how to explain it really but i wouldn’t be getting annoyed with it if it was like a genuine term of affection in which they’re addressing me if that makes sense haha
it’s just the context and when they say it is what bugs me. usually these partners will say it in more of like a “baby voice” and it’s more or less condescending. idk how to explain it really but i wouldn’t be getting annoyed with it if it was like a genuine term of affection in which they’re addressing me if that makes sense haha
ifonlyuflew 10 points 11m ago
I call my coworkers "love" and "honey" in a way to let them know they're safe/welcome. Also cared for. I truly care for my partners. But I can also see how it can be annoying or come off condescending. I never mean it that way ever. Unless you're a rude customer, then there is a definite change in tone.
It's also just a mannerism now and I do it completely subconsciously 99.9% of the time. I do it to let them know I either heard them, or I'm behind them, ect.
I used to get annoyed by this too, until I realized that the best intentioned ppl usually do it in the most harmless and innocent way. (Again, unless there is a obviously tone)
It's also just a mannerism now and I do it completely subconsciously 99.9% of the time. I do it to let them know I either heard them, or I'm behind them, ect.
I used to get annoyed by this too, until I realized that the best intentioned ppl usually do it in the most harmless and innocent way. (Again, unless there is a obviously tone)
fuwaldah 5 points 11m ago
>but it takes all my will and soul to not roll my eyes and sternly tell them to not call me that.
Have you tried politely but firmly letting them know you'd prefer they stop doing that?
Have you tried politely but firmly letting them know you'd prefer they stop doing that?
Poyal_Rines 5 points 11m ago
I used to have a work wife.
She quit and left me..
Things haven't been the same since.
She quit and left me..
Things haven't been the same since.
Cheap_Mustache 3 points 11m ago
We had one of our newer baristas do that except she barely turned 18 and would call customers "sweety" all the time when taking their order. It was really cringey but eventually she stopped cuz of the weird stares and lack of positive feedback.
astrenixie 2 points 11m ago
If you are ever uncomfortable with being called something by a coworker, let them know that. If they slip up but apologize sometimes, then they are trying. If they keep doing it without apologizing, try to make excuses to keep doing it, or badmouth you for setting boundaries, report it to a shift. If it is a shift, report it to the SM. If nothing gets done, it is time to report it to Ethics and Compliance. Starbucks is one company where they claim to care about *everyone* being safe and feeling welcome. If you are uncomfortable, then the Third Place Policy is not being followed.
People making excuses like "it's just a habit" or "they don't mean anything bad" are missing the point. Nobody should feel uncomfortable at work like this. I have had coworkers explain discomfort with pet names and jokes I have made before, and the responsible thing to do is acknowledge it, apologize, and change the behavior. No habit is worth making a coworker upset. I have also had to have multiple conversations with people using the wrong pronouns, and partners who refused to respect pronouns were separated from the company. There is no reason that pet names should be treated any differently than pronouns and deadnames.
People making excuses like "it's just a habit" or "they don't mean anything bad" are missing the point. Nobody should feel uncomfortable at work like this. I have had coworkers explain discomfort with pet names and jokes I have made before, and the responsible thing to do is acknowledge it, apologize, and change the behavior. No habit is worth making a coworker upset. I have also had to have multiple conversations with people using the wrong pronouns, and partners who refused to respect pronouns were separated from the company. There is no reason that pet names should be treated any differently than pronouns and deadnames.
Same-Response2109 2 points 11m ago
It’s not that deep 🥹🤍
Poptart0911 1 points 11m ago
A coworker younger than me does this, but not just specifically to me. I know she doesn't mean anything bad by it but it also does make me cringe lol I am nice to her and vice versa but I feel weird vibes around her like we don't really mesh well and it's awkward so the sweetie thing makes it worse 😬
chaddybabydaddy28 1 points 11m ago
My shift calls everyone “my love” shes 10yrs older than most of us, we love it because it genuinely is endearing and indicates she being gentle and caring. We even call some of our regulars “hun” “sweetheart” “sugar”…- nobody seems to have an issue, may be the tone in which is used. A “of course, my love. You got me, ill order support for you” is very different from a “get it yourself, sweetheart”
gingergal-n-dog 1 points 11m ago
I do it sub consciously to coworkers and customers. I live in the south. Say something if it bothers you but it sounds to me like you're making too much out of it. Def day something if you are uncomfortable, otherwise the offenders may never know!
chicken-tiddies 1 points 11m ago
Tell them to stop. If they're grown, they know exactly what calling someone else that means.
Necessary_Low939 0 points 11m ago
I do that to customers when they’re rude lol. Not to coworkers, there just weird.
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