i haven’t been here long, and i’m starting to dread going into work again because i feel that nobody really likes me. there have been several people who have never been mean to me, and a few who are overtly nice, but i got bullied by this one partner (who thankfully isn’t there anymore) for the first few weeks i was here (this person would make a huge deal about minor mistakes that i made right after starting, would come over from window to the oven while i was on warming and stop/take out food, etc.) and that really made me shut down and loathe coming to work every day. on top of that, an old friend suddenly passed away right when i started, and my mom is finally escaping/divorcing my abusive father, which has been incredibly hard on me (not to mention, i am living in a different state than my family and do not have many friends). to make matters worse, another friend recently passed (not a close friend, but this hurt me tremendously nonetheless) a few months after, and it’s been hard to prioritize making friends w/coworkers to say the least.
in the beginning, people did try to talk to me and i tried my best to answer, and i was so excited about possibly having new friends—but i am also autistic and really struggle with socializing, which tends to turn people off (understandably). i cannot focus on a task/learning something and being efficient while also making conversation with people, and this seems to be one of the biggest reasons that people now ignore me at work.
i had to change my schedule recently, and now another coworker who is a shift lead has put me at window or POS for my entire shift, every time but once. she has put me on drive bar twice only to take me off after no more than 5 min despite me doing just as good as other new coworkers and barely being behind.
i work so hard, i always say sorry if i make a mistake, i smile as much as i can and speak sweetly to people when i can. my only flaw is that i’m not outgoing and social, and i notice that people who are just as skilled as me (if not less) but more social get treated so differently than i do. i have gotten disgusted looks before, and now hardly anyone even acknowledges my existence when i come into work.
both of the people who have made me feel a little bullied are very close with our manager, who believes in letting people resolve problems on their own first, which is why i haven’t felt comfortable bringing it up. i have explained that i am going through very difficult family situations, but not about the deaths because it felt inappropriate/like it would make people uncomfortable to bring that up to someone i barely know at work. i didn’t think i would need to explain all of this about myself to be given some grace/be treated with love, but seeing how the outgoing people get treated so differently makes me think that maybe i should’ve.
i thought that my hard work and support/positivity could make up for how quiet i am, but people treat me like i’m a fucking alien and i often drive home crying.