I started back in March of 2021. I’ve been here a year and a half. (300xxxx)

Things were rough at the beginning. I was a brand new partner and the youngest in a store of awful employees. They were toxic and cliquey and made the job difficult to work.

About two months into the job, our SM went on a leave of absence and we got a temporary SM. The temporary SM was ruthless with our store. She fired and wrote up people left and right. We went from a decently staffed store to a team of 9 baristas and 2 SSVs.

That summer was rough, we were drive-thru only for months. We couldn’t keep new hires past their training. No one wanted to pick up shifts at our store. It was miserable. I worked 40-hour weeks at only 17 because I was the main closing barista.

I was debating leaving during this time. I actively searched for other jobs. But I decided to stick it out. It had only been a few months and I hoped it would get better.

Things did get better. By the end of the summer, we had trainees maligning it through their training and becoming wonderful baristas. We had multiple shifts transferred to our store and some baristas transferred too. We lost the last few of the toxic employees and suddenly our team was completely different.

This team was one that truly loved their job and loved coming to work. We became a family. A loving, accepting, and welcoming family. And at the center of it was a store with positive vibes and incredible partners.

I loved my job at this point. I came in on my days off or before school. Everyone always made sure to say hi when I stopped by. I never had to dread going into a shift because there was someone I didn’t like working with. I was excited to work and would come in whenever they needed help, always.

My old SM came back and almost immediately made me a trainer. Then talks of my development began. This was the point where I truly became passionate about this job. I was constantly looking to expand my knowledge, and looking for ways to improve the store. I was always helping people out and willing to challenge myself. Everyone could see how much I cared about this job.

Then, right at the beginning of my second summer with the company, the store caught on fire. Everyone in the building at the time was safe. But the damage was done. Our store was now being completely remodeled and we were being split up to work at other stores.

It was a huge change for me, I had worked my first opening shift that morning. Then suddenly I was walking into a new store with new people. I was lucky enough that most of my old team also went to this new store. But it was still a huge adjustment and extremely overwhelming at first.

This is where everything spiraled. This new store had a toxic atmosphere, it felt like high school where everyone had their people and there were bullies. There was a clear divide between day and night. I didn’t feel welcomed at all. Some people were kind and friendly, others were stand-off-ish and rude. I only truly felt comfortable on shifts that included partners from my old store.

We were originally told that we’d go back in three months. Then four, then five, now eight. As the partners of the new store realized we would be there for a long time, they warmed up to us. But nothing was perfect. If someone didn’t like you, that was that, nothing would change. And slowly, my old team dwindled. The little ‘B’ next to my name on the DCR disappeared as I had officially been transferred to this new location. And I said multiple goodbyes to the people from my old store.

My SM tried to continue my development. The SM from my store was primarily working at this new location, so we worked closely on how to develop. Unfortunately, things kept getting pushed back and no progress was being made. My SM went on another LOA and my development was at a complete stop.

Things with the team didn’t get much better. The main opening SSV had attitude issues and could come off as condescending and hypocritical at times. I felt more and more like an outcast as I was suddenly the only barista left from my old store at this new one. There was a SSV from my old store too, but we were all that was left on the opening team.

Then I met a barista, who was an absolute bully. She was rude, abrasive, and condescending, and had a superiority complex. She did nothing but belittle me and make me feel like I couldn’t do anything right. She constantly questioned my abilities, despite being a partner for a year and a half. There were times I would cry in my car during my lunch because of how she treated me. No one was doing anything about her behavior and they continued to let her bully and harass the mostly underaged baristas on night shift.

It got to a point where I would offer every shift I got scheduled with her and even changed my availability to avoid her. She was actively making the workplace miserable, and no one cared.

It finally dawned on me that I am simply a shell of the barista I used to be. I was full of energy, love, passion, and drive. I used to constantly strive to be better and was one of the best baristas in the store. My SM even bragged about me to other SMs and our DM.

Now I dread coming to work, and I struggle to wake up for shifts. I contemplate calling out or walking out all together. I'm always watching the clock for my shifts to end and waiting for my next day off. I'm late so much more than I used to be and I don't even care anymore. Instead of taking my breaks in the cafe, I hide in my car and either cry or disassociate. I've been told my performance is faltering. And I genuinely despise this job sometimes.

I keep holding on to the idea that things will be better when I go back to my old store. Or I keep thinking of my regulars who I genuinely love to see. I keep dreaming of going to my newly renovated store and promoting and being back with my family. Even though there are lots of people who likely won't return to our old store.

I'm well aware I can get a full-time job with better benefits and pay with absolutely no problem. I also try to tell myself to stay for my ASU tuition, even though I'm already considering switching to an in-person university. I'm not worried about student loans because I know If I play my cards right, my education will be fairly inexpensive.

At this point in my Starbucks career, I feel disposable and worthless. I feel like an empty shell that will never be the bright green bean I was at 16 when I got hired to this position. I'm scared to leave, but it pains me to stay.