Hi, everyone!
I've been working for the bucks for only a month and a half now. It feels like a lot longer, as I'm growing really strong fairly quickly- I'm often on Drive Bar or DT. I've opened and closed and slowly I know I'm becoming fairly decent at my job, which is great.
I used to work front desk in multiple hotels for a singular managerial company. I did that for 5 years and was up for promotions, but I declined to focus on school. To continue to focus on school, I decided to switch my job over to Starbucks when they offered me the job. Shorter shifts, better pay, some really great benefits (ASU primarily).
However, I've hit a wall of some sort and am just struggling. I purchased $80 shoes to help my feet from hurting so much- which has helped slightly, but I am still severely struggling now. I go home either in so much pain or so tired, I've been doing nothing but napping. My days off are split throughout the week, so I honestly can't devote any time to housework. Most of all, a lot of the times I just feel so alienated and isolated during my shifts.
There's a few specific Shift Soups that I really get along with to the point that I adore them, honestly. There's others that I'm not super close with, which is fine. The same goes with co-workers. There's one in specific that I don't really get along with, but that's neither of our faults and more so just a difference of personality and that's how life is sometimes. There's only a few that I think I genuinely get along with or at the least just know. The others have formed their own cliques entirely, are already "besties" with a lot of others, and I just feel there. I know I'm not going to work to make friends. Despite that, the entirety of my shifts I feel as though I'm putting on a façade. I'm trying to be overly bubbly and cheerful at all times to get people to like me- relentlessly eager and just a "joy" to be around, which isn't reflective of my personality at all. Honestly it makes me feel stupid. In actuality, I'm really quiet and reserved unless with close friends that I can be stupid with. I don't speak so fucking high-pitched.
I feel so stupid here. I'm coming from somewhere that I know the ins and outs of like the back of my hand. I knew multiple different PMS systems in these hotels- people came to me for help, and I could handle every situation perfectly. I did my shift tasks amazingly and made numerous training booklets and trained many, many people. Even when I first started, just the fact that I was decent with a computer made me genuinely just do well. I read people like no issue, which is why I was put on the 3-11pm shifts which is the most important shift for guest connections. I knew exactly the type of interaction with the front desk clerk these people wanted, and replicated it with ease. I got so many survey mentions and $25 bonuses as a result. I learned basics for bartending to help out at the hotel's bar and got my TIPS certification to do that. I was asked for by many managers in different hotels to help out their property. I know this all sounds cocky to say, but after 5 years, I'd done a good job. I was genuinely me when in the presence of co-workers and even managers and they still liked me. I just feel so unbelievably dumb at Starbucks. I know that's because I am new, but it's frustrating regardless and is so severe an ego-hit that I, as arrogant and stupid as it is, can't handle it. I feel like everyone I work with thinks I am dumb as a result of the high-pitched bubbly persona I put on to fit in, and my general lack of job know-how due to inexperience.
On top of that, I'm due for ear surgery next week and will be out as a result. I'm also getting new hearing aids and will have them on both ears. I struggle immensely with my hearing in this new environment. My SM is unbelievably sweet and understanding- she's looking into things to help with my job. She wants to get me an ASL apron. She's talked to the SSV's to make sure they understand this additional struggle, and I try to let my coworkers know. I can't expect them to not get frustrated with me about it when it's something that frustrates me, too. And yet, with the headset over the only ear I can hear from, my right ear relying wholly on a hearing aid that is years old and no longer reflects accurately my audiogram tests, I just can't do it. Even without the headset, I find myself having to ask SSVs to repeat what they're asking me to do, or provide more clarification so that I have the context to understand what they're asking me when I didn't hear it fully, and it just further makes me feel dumb.
On top of that, this job is just difficult. It's become less of a physically demanding type thing as I get used to standing and reaching and using my hands for forever. It's super fun. But it is like hours of doing the same things over and over again. Being reminded to sequence when I know I am doing that. Customers peeking their head over the bar to ask me some unrelated question and I have to slide my headset down and ask them to repeat so that I can hear them, just to say "I'm sorry! I am only working on drive-through orders. Your drink is in a queue for the barista next to me, and she's getting them all out as fast as she can. Thank you!" Over and over and over and over again. Or it's drive though, and it's a relentless barrage of "Hi, thank you for choosing Starbucks! How are you today?" or "Hi! That's 6.10 for you. I love your hair!" or "Thanks for your patience! I can hear them shaking your drink now, so it will be right out :)" or when I am on MOP bar, it's an endless "I literally have to get to work. Like, I need my Venti Pink Drink now." and a horde of un-caffeinated fucks just STARING at me while I'm trying to make their drinks. I'm getting sick of the Frappuccino modifications. Two scoops of ice, double blended, four strawberry inclusions- to the point where I have to scoop it out of a pitcher with a spoon. I don't mind that THIS is the drink you've decided you've liked. I'm happy it'll fulfil your tastebuds. Yet, I want to kill you. Sorry.
Thanks for reading my rant. I'm considering going back to Front Desk. Something about Starbucks just hurts my mental health for some odd reason and I'm really struggling. I don't know why. I like it, but I also am really finding this difficult. Thank you.